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One Day scriptBye, guys. Its three years. Three years together. The lads. Me and you? Well see each other again. Really? Theyre not going, are they? Group hug! See you, ladies! See you later. Group hug. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa! Tilly? Callum! Tilly, come on. Its time to go home. Come on. Callum! Ow! You know, weve never actually met. Actually, we have. Several times. Have we? You gatecrashed my birthday party, called me Julie, and spilled red wine down my top. Ouch. Well, Im sorry about that. No, not at all. You were delightful. Was I? No. No, you werent. Look, if youre not Julie, then. Im Emma. Emma. Emma Morley. Emma Morley. Listen, Ill walk you home. So this is me. Shh! Welcome home. So debate is fine, but anyone can talk. Just sometimes, actions whats needed. To change the world. I completely agree. So what are you gonna be when youre, I dont know, 40? Forty? Can I say famous? Horribly rich? Terrible. Youre so terribly posh. Where are you going? Im just gonna go brush my teeth. You know, booze and fags and. I dont mind. I do. Listen, wont be a minute. No playing with yourself while Im gone. What? All right, concentrate. Concentrate. Do not cock this up! Oh, youre going? Well, its getting light out, so I thought I could just. You should go if you want to go. Its very poignant. Very bittersweet. Really I just thought you might wanna get some sleep. I dont have to go. No, no, go. Im not bothered. Sneak off. I wasnt sneaking off. Jump out the window for all I care. Its five floors up, mind. Look, Ill stay. All right? Ill stay. Come on. Sorry, Im no good at this. Its just whenever I go to bed with someone, I always end up either laughing or weeping, and it could be nice to go for something in between. Look, thats fine. Thats fine. Maybe we could just be friends. Okay. Friends. Of course, you know its Saint Swithins Day today, dont you? What is? Well, today. Saint Swithins Day, the 15th of July. How do you know that? Well, he was buried in Winchester Cathedral, which is where I went to school. Well, la-dee-da. La-dee-da. You know, theres a poem. If on Saint Swithins Day, it doth rain something, something, something remain. Dexter, thats beautiful. Shut up. Lets get some sleep. But, Dex. Em? If it doesnt rain. Mmm-hmm? .do you want to do something? Me and you? Mmm-hmm. - Are you all right? - Lift, lift. Okay, well, Im coming up. Couldnt you have just hired someone to move this stuff? No. Look, I would have paid. All right, lift from your end. Youve obviously never done a days work in your life. Look, seriously, Em, my plane leaves in four hours. All right, well, all the more reason why you should lift. Gods sake. Look, Im doing you a favor. And I am so, so grateful. Stop whinging. I bet this bed could tell some stories. Yeah, short stories. Horror stories. Welcome to London. Well, lift it. I think Im gonna be very happy here. What is that smell? Onions. Onions and disappointment. Right. No, its not that bad. Its nothing that a lick of paint and a nuclear warhead cant fix. Ive got my typewriter. Ive got my books. Im in London. I think its going to be all right. I might actually get things done. You know, you might actually meet someone. Dexter, please. A nice guy. Sensitive, wears a cardigan. I told you Im not interested in any of that. Matching glasses, matching opinions. Im actually glad youre going to India. Good, cause Im leaving. Ive got to catch my flight. Already? Yeah, Im sorry. Well, go on then. Find yourself. Keep sending me those letters. Long ones. I will. And have fun, Em. Of course. You know, it is allowed. You know, Ive got a feeling that this time next year youre going to take London by storm. What is the difference between. A tortilla is either corn or wheat. But a corn tortilla folded and filled is a taco, whereas a filled wheat tortilla is a burrito. Deep fry a burrito, its a chimichanga. Toast a tortilla, its a tostada. Roll it, its an enchilada. Is there any chance you could repeat that? Hello. Im Ian. Ian Whitehead. The new boy. Welcome to the graveyard of ambition. The kitchen. All right, mate. What these guys cant do with a microwave and a deep-fat fryer. Hey, you! Your basic Tex-Mex food groups. Cheese on top of chicken under guacamole on top of beans under rice on top of beef. Word of warning, avoid the jumbo prawns. Its like Russian Roulette. One in six will kill you. So whats your stroke? Sorry, my what? Waiter/actor, waiter/model, waiter/writer? Well, Im a comedian. We could use a comedian. We all like to laugh. I know I used to. Well, Im just starting out really. Working on my unique comedy stylings. Not jokes so much, more sort of wry, little observations. Ay caramba! Ive got this whole bit at the moment about the difference between men and women. How blokes, when they see a girl they fancy, they get all. Toilets. Staff toilets. Oh. Sorry. You were saying? No, no. Im doing an open mic tonight if you were interested. At The House of Laffs, spelled L-A-F-F-S. Its not a date or anything. Youve probably got a boyfriend anyway, have you? Ian, Id love to come, but after work, I like to head home, comfort eat, weep. So what about you, Emma? Whats your stroke? What do you really do? Uh, this. This is what I do. Still, its not forever, is it? My room still smells. Tillys sending me mad. The flats a dump. I keep finding teeth marks in the cheese and her big gray bras soaking in the sink. Look, Im sure its not a complete disaster. Londons swallowed me up. I thought Id make a difference, but no one knows Im here. Listen, listen. Nothing truly good was ever easy. Who said that? You did. Did I? Thats annoying. Im sorry for moaning. I just. I really wanted to hear. Hows teaching? Hows Paris? Its good, Em. You know, truly, really fulfilling. Well, dont sleep with any of your students. Its unethical and predictable. Its good advice, Em. Thank you. But Ive got to go and have lunch with Mum. Well, apologize again, will you? I didnt mean to call your dad a fascist. A bourgeois fascist. Say sorry and, Dexter. My moneys running out. Em? Can you hear me? Dex? Dex? I miss you. Forty-five minutes late. Yeah, well, I got waylaid. And where were you last night? Language school disco. Was it fun? No, it was hell. Tell me, whos been writing you all those long letters? That is none of your business. Was it that girl who came to stay? Yeah. Well, Emma and I are just good friends. How much holiday do you need? Im not on holiday. Im teaching English. Dexter. Isnt that Alain Delon? What? Oh, no. Its your father. Picking his corns. Stop it. Take me for lunch tomorrow, will you? Just you and me. Somewhere quiet with white tablecloths. I want to talk to you. Why? Is something wrong? No. Nothings wrong. Then why do we need to talk? Do I need a reason? There you are. Degenerate. Now, I thought you might want these. Oh, thank you, my love. So whats for supper? Please, God, not French food. Golden Boy wants to see you. Hmm? Hes got a new one. Good night. Good night. Night. Good night. Have a good one. We were just kissing. You were trying to fit her entire head in your mouth. People have enough trouble keeping the food down as it is. And what does she see in you, anyway? Well, she says Im complicated. Youre just spoiled. I got offered the job of manager today. They told me they wanted someone who wasnt going anywhere. All right, Em, listen. I think you should take a bottle of tequila, I think you should walk out the door, and I dont think you need to ever come back. But my job is my life. You cant throw away years of your life just because, well, you think its funny. My hair smells of cheese. Monterey Jack. Look, I thought you were writing poetry. What, go where the money is? Tried that. Failed. You just cant see it, can you? Look, youre funny. Youre attractive. Youre smart. I mean, youre the smartest person I know. Sure. You are. Youre attractive. Youre sexy. What? What? Is that supposed to be sexist or something? No, its not sexist. Its just ridiculous. Em, listen. If I could just give you one gift, all right, one gift for the rest of your life, do you know what Id give you? Confidence. Its either that or a scented candle. Come here. Emma? So Ive disinfected the meat fridge. My hero. Thank you, Ian. See you tomorrow. Bye, mate. Bye, Emma. I should go, too. All right. Ill be fine. I just feel a bit lost, thats all. Come on, everyones lost at 25. Youre not. Trainee TV producer. Nice new flat. CD player. Group sex Tuesdays and Fridays. Yeah, but you know, I am crying on the inside. You know what you need, dont you? Mmm-mmm. You need a holiday. Look, Dexter, all Im saying is I think we need some rules. Rules! Im not taking any chances with our friendship, all right. All right, all right. Such as? Separate bedrooms. Wherever we stay, no shared beds, no drunken cuddles. I dont see the point of cuddling, anyway. Cuddling gives you cramp. Agreed, then. Rule number two. No flirting. No having a few drinks and getting frisky with me. Or anyone else. Well, I never flirt. Im serious. Hello, whats this? Which leads me to rule three. The nudity clause. What? I dont want to see you in the shower, or have a wee. Or have a wee in the shower. Well, I cant promise that. You have to, Dex. Its the rules, and absolutely no skinny-dipping. - All right, then. - Rule number four. What? No Scrabble. I love Scrabble. That is exactly why its my rule. Look, were not dead yet. Voil? What is that? Hmm? My swimming costume. Its called the Edwardian. No, the masonry paint. Its factor 30. I burn. Here, let me. Ive not seen this before. What, that? I got that in Thailand. Its a yin-yang. Looks like a road sign. Yeah, well, it means the perfect union of opposites. It means wear some socks. This is scooped a bit low, isnt it? Good job I didnt put it on backwards. I think Ill go for a dip. This is a nudist beach. No, its not. It is. Look. Theyre barbecuing! You see, I couldnt do that. Barbecue naked. What is that? Is that yoga? Oh, God. Grow up, all right. Back to your magazine. I can hear you thinking. Its like this crunching noise. The answer is no. Dont you think wed feel more comfortable with our clothes off? Unbelievable. Just unbelievable. Well, why not? The rules. Not to mention your girlfriend. What, Ingrid? Yeah, Ingrid. Shes very uninhibited. Shed have had her top off at the check-in desk. Well, as you keep pointing out, Ingrid used to be a model. You could be a model. For a catalog or something. Im just saying that were not entirely unknown to each other from a physical point of view. Drop it, Dex. Well, you know, that night after graduation. Come on, you must remember. No. Blanked it out like a car crash. Well, I havent. In fact, if I close my eyes, I can still see you there just standing in the dawn light. Please dont. Provocatively unclasping your dungarees as you walk over to me. I was not wearing dungarees. So you do remember, huh? Have I caught the sun? No, you look. You look fine. Do you know Ive never been abroad? What? Dont be ridiculous. Its true. Fortnight in a caravan in Whitby drinking Cup-a-Soup with Dad and trying not to kill Mum. I cant believe Im actually here with you. Why? Hmm? Why? When we were at university, before we spoke even, I had a crush on you. Ridiculous, I know. But when we almost did it that night, I couldnt believe it. I wrote poems and everything. What have you got to say to that? Well, I already knew. What do you mean, you knew? Well, I sort of guessed. All those epic letters and compilation tapes. So, go on then. What happened? Mmm. I got to know you. You cured me of you. Id still like to read those poems. What rhymes with Dexter? Prick. Its a half-rhyme. Too much wine. We should go. No, no, no. Not yet. Not yet. Listen, lets go for a walk. So this is it. Its lovely. Hello? Whats going on here? Well, I thought wed go for a quick swim. Sober us up. Ah, I get it. I get it. Ive walked right into it, havent I? You get a girl drunk and lead her to a large body of water. Oh, come on, Em. Be spontaneous. Be reckless. Live for the moment! Come on, Em. Get in! No! Youre such a prude. Why are you such a prude? Look, come on! You could at least leave your underpants on. Rule number three, remember? Come on. So this is skinny-dipping? What am I meant to do? Sort of lark about? Splash you or something? Thats a very serious face. Youre not having a wee, are you? No. No, I just wanted to say that I felt the same. After our near-miss. I mean, I didnt write poems or anything. Im not insane. But, you know, I thought about you. I think about you. You and me. Really? Really? Okay, well. Dex. The problem is I fancy pretty much everyone. Oh. I see. I mean anyone. Really, I mean, its like Ive just got out of prison, all the time. Its a real problem. I can imagine. Yeah, and this thing with Ingrid, its a sex thing. Its just sex, sex, sex, sex, sex. The points been made, Dex. But me and you, it would be different. I think wed want different things, and I dont think Im ready, you know. If you wanted to, you know, have a bit of fun, holiday fling, no obligations. Oh, God. Ill take that as a no then, shall I? I think so. I think our moments passed. Come on, Im not expressing myself clearly. No, no, you are, Dex. Thats the problem. Youre worried I might care. Hey! Hey, Come back here! Come back, you little. Hey! Thieves! Come back. Come back here. Wait! Theyve stolen my clothes! You little. Will someone call the police? Wait! Come back! Could you please stop laughing and do something to help? Armani, that suit was. The little frogs even took my underpants. Armani? No, Calvin Klein. Oh, Dex, Im so sorry. Little French bastards! They took your plimsolls, too. Theyre not plimsolls. Ive never worn plimsolls in my life. They were penny loafers, and I bloody loved them! What? Its not funny. Im a victim of crime here. Dex? What? Your Calvin Klein underpants. Ill find them. I swear to you, I shall track them down. Go to sleep. I wonder how many rules we broke. All of them. Except Scrabble. Tomorrow, maybe. Who says quality TV is dead? Plenty more of this when we come back after the break, so do not go away. Im warning you. We know where you live. Go on, get out of here. Look, I just called, all right, to let you know that you are the best friend Ive ever had. Im touched, Dex, but youre off your face. And? Look, its 5:00 in the morning. Go home. And you have an incredible body. Dex! Is that Dexter? Just promise me youll go home, please? I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will. Dex, you have work in the morning. Dex. Look, good night, all right? Remember, you are absolutely, truly amazing. Dexter? Dex? Youre amazing and famous. Im not that famous. Aye, aye. How are you, old man? Your mothers upstairs. Shes been waiting all morning for you. Good God, why are you sweating like that? Well, its a hot day. No, its not. Look, how is she? Well, why dont you go and see? Mum? Hello, hello. Hello, stranger. Look, Ive got a present for you here. Its not from me. Its from Emma. Here, let me. Thank you. Oh, how lovely. A little ambitious maybe. You might want to push her towards short stories in the future. Mum, dont. So what have you been up to? Im Dexter Mayhew. What a show weve got for you tonight. Weve got a man who claims. Ill skip this next bit. Theres an interview thats pretty good. Perhaps Ill watch it later. The live show is always a bit patchy. I dont understand why you have to use that voice, but then I suppose I just dont care for this sort of thing. Its just a bit of fun for kids. They just watch it after the pub. You mean Im not drunk enough? No, its not that. You know, honestly, Dexter. Dancing girls in cages. Is this what its come to? I just host it. Its a means to an end, thats all. But to what end? We always said you could do anything you wanted. Fine. What do you want me to do? Something good. It is good. I just do what Im told. Look, this is what I can do. Im sorry. The medication makes me ratty. I just need a little lie-down. Ill be better tonight. Yeah, you know, um. Actually, Ive got this premiere thingy tonight. Look, Im sorry. I cant miss it. Its Jurassic Park. Im afraid Im going to need some help. Are you all right? Here, put your arm around me. All right. All right? Are you all right? Yes. Can I get you anything? Water? Dry martini? What time is it? Quarter past 6:00. Yeah, I must have dozed off. Im afraid youve missed our day. Your fathers a little angry with you. Look, Ill stay tonight. No. You go. No pleasure for me watching you and your father snarling at each other. Can I speak frankly? Do you have to? I think its my prerogative. I know that youre going to be a fine man. Decent, loving, accomplished. But I dont think youre there yet. And right now, well, I worry that youre not very nice anymore. Well, theres nothing I can say to that. There is nothing you have to. Im not going to argue with you. You can come and collect your car when youre sober. Youre being ridiculous. I mean, you cannot confiscate my car key. Do not dare to insult my intelligence! Now your mother loves you very much. You know that. But for whatever time she has left to her. If you ever, ever come to see your mother in this state again, I will not let you in the house. I will close the door in your face. Now. Go. Fine. Youre not there. I just remembered youre on a hot date tonight. Im too late. Okay, can you call me when you get this? Its just I
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