英语美文阅读教材：避免生活中常犯的错误与误会.ppt

英语美文阅读教材：避免生活中常犯的错误与误会,Usingasnappishtone.IhaveaveryshortfuseandbecomeirritableextremelyeasilybutmyhusbandreallydoesntlikeitwhenIsnapathim(bigsurprise).Ivedonealottotrytokeepmytemperincheck.Idontletmyselfgettoohungryortoocold(Ifallintothesestatesveryeasily);Itrytokeepourapartmentinreasonableorder,becauseamessmakesmecrabby;whenhetriestomakeajokeoutofmytemper,Itrytolaughalong;Itrytocontrolmyvoicetokeepitlightandcheeryinsteadofaccusatoryandimpatient.Confession:Ihaventmademuchheadwayhere.,Gettingangryaboutafixedtrait.Thisisvery,verytough.OneofthethingsIvelearnedfrommyhappinessprojectisthatyoucantchangeanyonebutyourself,andwhiletherearesomethingsId“,Oneofthemaintwelvethemesofmyhappinessprojectismarriage.Forme,aswithmanypeople,mymarriageisoneofthemostcentralelementsinmylifeandmyhappiness.WhenIstartedmyhappinessproject,andIreflectedaboutthechangesIwantedtomake-aswellastheresolutionsIwantedtokeepinordertobringaboutthosechanges-IrealizedIhadfiveparticularproblemareasinmymarriage.Mydemandforgoldstars.Oh,howIcraveappreciationandrecognition!Ialwayswantthatgoldstarstucktomyhomework.Butmy,husbandjustisntverygoodathandingoutgoldstars,andthatmakesmefeelangryandunappreciated.Ifiguredoutagoodstrategy.IusedtotellmyselfIwasdoingnicethingsforhim“HellbesohappytoseethatIputallthebooksaway,”“HellbesopleasedthatIfinallygotthetrunkpackedforcamp”etc.thenId“,Score-keeping.Imascore-keeper,alwayscalculatingwhohasdonewhat.“Icleanedupthekitchen,soyouhavetoruntothestore”-thatsortofthing.Ivefoundtwowaystotrytodealwiththistendency.First,Iremindmyselfofthephenomenonofunconsciousover-claiming;i.e.,weunconsciouslyoverestimateourcontributionsorskillsrelativetootherpeoples.Thismakessense,becauseofcoursewerefarmoreawareofwhatwedothanwhatotherpeopledo.AccordingtoJonathanHaidtsTheHappinessHypothesis,“whenhusbandsandwivesestimatethepercentageofhouseworkeachdoes,theirestimatestotal,morethan120percent.”IcomplainaboutthetimeIspendorganizingbabysittingorpayingbills,butIoverlookthetimemyhusbandspendsdealingwithourcarorfood-shopping.Whataresomemistakesyoumakeinyourmarriageorlong-termrelationship?Haveyoufoundanygreatstrategiesforaddressingthem?Itseasytoseethatover-claimingleadstoresentmentandaninflatedsenseofentitlement.SonowwhenIfindmyselfthinking,“Imtheonlyonearoundherewho,bothersto”or“WhydoIalwayshavetobetheonewho?”IremindmyselfofallthetasksIdontdo.Second,Iremindmyselfofthewordsofmyspiritualmaster,St.ThereseofLisieux:“Whenoneloves,onedoesnotcalculate.”Thatpreceptisthebasisformy11thPersonalCommandment:Nocalculation.Takingmyhusbandforgranted.JustasIfinditeasilytooverlookthechoresdonebymyhusband(see#4),itseasyformetoforgettoappreciatehismanyvirtuesandinsteadfocusonhisflaws(see#3).Forexample,althoughI,findithardtoresistusinganirritabletone,myhusbandalmostneverspeaksharshly,andthatsreallyawonderfultrait.ImtryingtostayalerttoallthethingsIloveabouthim,andletgoofmypettyannoyances.Thisiseasiersaidthandone.IvefoundthatworkingtokeepmyresolutiontoKissmore,hugmore,touchmoreisaneffectivewaytohelpmestayinloving,appreciativeframeofmind.,