男女变错身 剧本 英语

It s a Boy Girl Thing script Give me my Romeo and when he shall die take him and cut him out to little stars and he ll make the face of heaven so fine And all the world will be in love with the night Mystical Shake Ya Ass and make the face of heaven so fine that all the world will be in love Mystical Shake Ya Ass all the world will be in love with the night Excuse me Excuse me Woody will you turn that down Sorry I can t hear you Turn the noise down Sorry did you say something I m trying to study but it s impossible with that racket going on It s not racket that s Mystical Whatever it is will you please switch it off What s it worth The gratitude of a music lover Alright I turn it off If you flash me Show me what girls are all about You are a pig Anyway I ve seen them before What You have not Have now Good morning Mr Fluffy Woody are you up yet Oh yeah Good morning Daddy I have some mail for you princess It s from Yale I have an interview next week I applied for early action for you honey My precious little girl are going to Yale I have to get through the interview first mother You won t let us down never have Never has Isn t it exciting Ted It s very excititing Katherine Are you excited I am I m so excited I could yell it from the roof tops Thank you mother Bachman Turner Overdrive You Ain t Seen Nothing Yet Bachman Turner Overdrive You Ain t Seen Nothing Yet Everything OK back there No problem honey Just searing off a couple of finger prints Carry on my good woman Big game s coming up soon son Yep Coach says all the big college scouts gonna be at the game Yeah I know Speciality of the House I call it Eggs What the Heck So much of fine cuisine is down to presentation don t you think son Oh yeah absolutely You ll be the first member of my family to go to college He ll be the first member of your family to go to freaking school That s true But son if thing s don t work out there ll always be a job for you with Stan the Man at Spatula World To me the greatest living American should have individual accomplishments but also have a lasting influcence on America and with the world And that is why after careful consideration my candidate Yo what s up boy Hi Horse Nice grab Horse How s it hanging To the floor my friend What say we shift this baby into warp drive huh I want you to feel the wind blowing through the hair of your fine muscular ass Hit it please Eminem Without Me Well looky here Is that not a pencil necked virigin girl I see before me I do believe it is She s standing dangerously close to a vast pool of water For a smart girl that ain t so smart Thank you OK just keep walking No one will notice Who wants cotton candy Hey Nell I love what you ve done with your hair Thanks Glixen Three two one Hey watch it Harry What s up baby Wow wow people around Nice look Special needs boy and his muse the lovely Clamydia My name s Breanna you geek By the way sorry about this morning That puddle just showed up in front of us Oh that s OK please don t apologize it I understand While archetypal outsiders such as myself rarely fit comfortably into high school environements this is as good as your life will get The big football star and his vacuous cheerleader girlfriend Head cheerleader Because let s face it The old gray matter ain t exactly top level is it Woodster So you end up with a job with your dad and probably marry Breanna here But soon you start drinking to numb this aching feeling you have inside Fast forward a few years and you re a drunk fat guy at a bar talking about the good old days While your little wife whose looks have gone to the dodo is prepping up her self esteem with squalid sexual encounters with your friends behind your back What friends I m guessing most of them Have a good day Class please turn to page 488 Paragraph demarked Early history which reads Combined with the study of mankind in all its aspects especially human culture we are therefore examining that society through the exploration of classical structure Now do not forget to make full use of your abstract database And class please make sure the references of the source material include the internet That s OK for now but you might want to omit that page from your reference list Now Mr Zbornak will be taking your field trip this week I tried on the most amazing dress for the dance Think Beyonce s wow factor meets Gwen Stefani s outfit of individuality with just a sprinkling of designer slut Aguilera The whole thing s very Madonna before she got old naturally Sounds hot Now I think Armani would be good for you Stylish yet understated so you look good but you don t distract attention from me Mr Deanne If it s not too much trouble OK just a minute Take a look at this odd looking fella Texcatlipoca the ancient Aztek god of sorcery Associated with the notion of destiny Tex here has an interesting resume He was the god of night lord of the smoking mirror A shape shifter a powerful SOB Mr Deanne do you think I might have your attention Or does Mr Horson have something particularly interesting to say I m betting on unlikely OK time is short people I want you to pair off and take in the rest yourselves Remember research analyze and describe Very nice Mr Horson you go with Glixen Mr Deanne you go with Miss Bedworth Let s get your learn on So checked out any porno sites lately I cannot believe I m stuck with you Let s hope I don t breathe in any retard germs Let s hope I don t get any pencil neck virgin disease Get stuffed I hate you It s because you secretly want to have sex with me When I do decide to surrender the flower of my womanhood I ve always imagined it to be with someone of my own species There s is nobody else in your species except maybe Glixen You re such a moron You really think the world evolves around rap music football and hanging out with the right crowd You know you make me sick you think you are so different to everyone else Different from You said Different to The correct phraseology is Different from Thanks for that information You re no different from any other geek with books instead of friends and you don t have to open your big fat mouth to correct me Neanderthal Spaz I should pity you but I can t I hate you too much I rather cross my legs for the rest of the night for everybody than to be anything like you Dito Dito Double dito Double double dito times a thousand trillions and forever more shall find her destiny to live alone no more Good night Mr Fluffy Oh God my head I must be dreaming Time to wake up What was that Tits I have tits Two tits This is the regular number of tits but for a guy What s going on here Oh my god it s gone This looks bad If it s gone and I have tits that means this must be a dream A very very bad Now I have tits dream What is this This isn t my room We need to talk Talk She want s to talk Let s talk about why I m going through a drawer full of underwear with the days of the week on them Oh God OK now my pubes knows it Wednesday It s tough enough getting these damn things off How the hell does anyone get these things on Ladies looks like you and me is going au naturelle Go away Alright coast is clear Get off Good morning Nell is everything OK I didn t see you there Your oatmeal is on the table I m in a hurry gotta go Nonsense now you sit down it s the most important meal of the day And oatmel is wonderful for promoting healthy and regular bowel movements That s cool if I want to take a dump the size of my head Excuse me Oatmeal s good mummy Deep Purple Hush Is this meat You have oatmeal Are you shitting me Porkmeat s good Eat up son Jesus I m gonna puke Golly you must have been hungry You need a second helping You wait there young lady How s it going pretty boy Let s go It will turn you into a big strong girl Excuse me See you later Nell aren t you forgetting something Holy crap look at the size of that thing What thing Gotta go mom see you later Hop in man we got places to go people to see women to impregnate You OK Yeah I m fine Really The bitch stole my ride We re going a little fast You bet your sweet ass we are I am going to die Oh god I m getting on the bus I haven t been on the bus since 8th grade Come on Screw you assholes That s no way for a young lady to talk Sorry I m a bitch when I m on the rag you know what I m saying Sorry Yeah you too And this dress is just amazing You What the hell have you done to me witch lady Get your hands off me you bully God you think I m responsible for this I certainly am not And you re the one who knows everything That does not include this This is impossible This can not happen You better figure out how to get my damn body back Trust me there s nothing I would like more You think I relish waking up another day with the Simpsons Leave my parents out of this And what is up with your mother She never heard of volume control Yak farmers in Tibet are praying for her to keep the volume down And her language my goodness My mother does not have a mole on her face the size of the White House So she s got a problem with moles Besides it s not a mole it s a beauty spot I can spot that beauty from Wisconsin Insensitive pig I don t want to be a boy OK Especially I don t want to be you No no no don t cry not here Maybe it s just one of those 24 hour things Like a head cold Tomorrow we could be back to normal Just try not to attract any unnecessary attention Gross I have to touch it Ewww I will never eat finger food from a buffet again for as long as I live Your homework was to prepare a speech on the greatest living American I m sorry I missed it but I was excused from homework due to cheerleading practice I see And Nell What Your speech please On the greatest living American I think the greatest living American is J Lo J Lo You know Jennifer Lopez Singer movie star She had a thing with that dude from Pearl Harbor I know who J Lo is now I am just very interested to hear what you perceive qualifies her for such a unique accolade The thing about J Lo is that she s from the streets And now she s like this big movie star and she s still really cool She used to have a little now she s got a lot But she s still J Lo from the block And I think that s pretty damn great And she s American And she s a wife I see J Lo Pretty good huh It just flew right into my head At least there s plenty of space for it to land What is your problem I happen to like J Lo She s a hot booty You do not bestow an honor such as Greatest Living American solely on the fact of a hot booty I didn t She also happen to have a terrific set of funbags Woody Deanne you re an idiot and a Philistine Know what I don t appreciate you calling me an idiot And I don t know what that other thing is but as sure as hell ain t one of them either Hey Woody What a lovely sight Swill time at Getty Central Dear God now I have to eat with these creatures My parents are going out tonight maybe you wanna come over to discuss what you wanna wear for the homecoming dance I have things to do What I meant was we d be alone So maybe I might do that thing when I You filthy little slut You do that Last week he begged me to do that So what is it what do you do Get lost you little spastic I can not believe Woody turned down the chance to have sex with me tonight Am I in like bizarro world If I had Richard Wainwright sniffing around me I wouldn t waste my time on Woody It s not that simple Tiffany Today football captain tomorrow GQ Man of the Year You need to plan these things Personally I d be relived if Horse and I didn t have sex Sometimes I think it s the only reason he s with me That is so not true Chanel You have many fine qualities Really Like what You have excellent taste in earrings And your hair looks really good And you re friends with me Case closed Woodster Come on in my man How are you Cool as frozen shit homie Yo we have extra practice tonight alright don t forget I m in the mood to kick some serious ass Oh yeah me too only I have a prior engagement that conflicts with the whole ass kicking thing Wait we re a week away from the game against Lamont Do you know what the coach will do to your nuts if you don t show up tonight No I ll tell you He will grind them into dust Nut dust And the only kids you d be able to have is the itsy bitsy patter ones Alright here we go Wood Cut the ball man Woody Sorry coach Alright let s get this Go Wood man come on Wake up boy Sorry coach I got it What the hell were you doing out there You play like a damn woman I m a little pique It means off colour I know what picque means You listen to me and you listen good This homecoming game is gonna be the biggest game in those boys lives You may have a god given talent but I will not let you risk it Do you hear me Yes coach You get your shit together or you ll be watching the game from the side lines Don t let it bug you buddy just hang in there Look you just hit a slump just like a golfer It doesn t matter how big you are every now and again you lose a swing So you keep working on your strokes and banging those balls Do you wanna touch my helmet My lucky helmet It works for me maybe it ll do you the same Go ahead give it a rub Elton John Candle in the Wind Oh man this is crappy music Loser Yeah you too and your mama I heard about football practice Those boys are really rough I m covered in bruises I don t care about your bruises If coach drops you my life is over Why are you so worked up It s only a game No it s not only a game It s football Jesus don t you get anything I get that clearly this is not a head cold Do you have any better theories smart ass Look at you What am I wearing Chinos and a Oxford cotton button down I found in the back of your closet Which is exactly where it is meant to stay Nonsense you can t beat the classic look My hair you ve made it all dorky A center parting is very European looking No it is very dorky looking Excuse me for taking a little pride in your appearance You could have ruined my life I look like a male version of you As long as I m stuck inside this disgusting body you ll just have to put up with it Alright if that s how you want it sweet cheeks Scissor Sisters Filthy Gorgeous Nice ass You re looking fine sugar What are you doing Protecting your modesty You look like a common prostitute Damn I was going for a high class hooker You can not walk into school like this I can do whatever I want Now get your hands off me or I ll scream What are you doing You re supposed to be Shakespeare OK here goes Nice penis Nothing like a bit of personal hygien Well it has to be done Come on think about it And she s totally pretending to be pretty Hello Woody Hello Breanna I have something I want to say to you Let me guess you re sorry about blowing me off No I m afraid we can t see each other any more Very funny Woody Well I don t find you that attractive any more You just look kind of plain And don t worry about your moustache Some guys are really into that shit Suck on this Woody Dean I can t believe he said that to her You can t really see the hairs anyway What just happened Seems you and your girlfriend just broke up Commiserations No Me and Breanna Breanna and I but let s not quip over details Broke up with my girlfriend You ll get over it Wanna go for a ride I have to go tonight s a big night for me You too Congratulations Tonight s the night you finally get to lose it Nicky There you go babe Thanks Nice trailer It s a dump But my folks are away and we won t be disturbed Never seen a chick drink like that before My throat s a little dry Maybe I could moisten it up a little I can t I need another beer Sure You OK I m fine thank you You ve been acting kind of weird lately I think I know what s on your mind I don t think you do Let me guess You think if you don t impress those scouts you re gonna end up working with your dad in spatula world What I ain t stupid Woody Just let things fall into place Whatever you do we ll be proud of you So you don t want to work with spatulas what the heck Not here OK let s go to the master bedroom Let s get cracking baby cause daddy s packing Oh god what was I thinking This is so gay What are you waiting for baby Daddy wants to see some flesh He s gonna make me his bitch Woody the bitch boy Maybe you need a little help I have to pee Now Yeah I can feel I have to fricking go So you get undressed and don t start without me Hey come back Elton John Candle in the Wind Not this shit again man It s very melodic If you give it a chance you might learn to enjoy it Elton John Candle in the Wind No Still shit Have you heard about that grease ball Nicky She got it on last night Did you guys hear She did it in the trailer park She probably didn t even know it was a trailer park Woody are you crying What s wrong I m sorry I just found out I lost my virginity in a trailer park I gotta go I got a class Hey do you think she might do it with me No Get lost What Don t worry You had a great time Trust me you ll never forget it How could you do this to me I know you re not the best looking guy in the world but it s only sex I wanted it to be special Well you started it A central parting is very european looking You lost me my girlfriend I was saving it for the boy I fell in love with Look nothing happened OK Really Really That s not what Nicky is telling everyone Well Nicky is a liar Try telling that to the entire world How s it feel to be a cheap little slut Looks like I have to have a talk with that son of a bitch cause no one calls us the sort Pass the ball Nicky here s your ho Hey I m looking for you You found me baby What the hell did you say Nothing Oh really But I wasn t 100 percent true You greasy scumbag liar And you ve got a very dirty little mouth Then again I already knew that A little hellcat ain t you Asshole That s no way to treat a lady mister And what kind of word is ain t you It s wrong on so many levels Why don t you tell everyone what really happened Tell them Nothing Nothing happened I think you owe this sweet innocent yet very attractive young lady an apology Sorry I m sorry Thanks It s so much fun to hit someone I d like to punch him again Easy champ Doesn t mean I forgive you about screwing up about Breanna and I Breanna and me I ll try to fix things What s the point I m a girl remember Jesus what am I gonna do Homecoming s next Friday My life is a complete disaster What were we doing before this happened Arguing You always argue Not always We were at the museum In front of that ugly Mexican dude Aztek Texcatlipoca That s the guy He s the ancient god of sorcery We close in 5 minutes folks OK you go first No you go first you have the biggest mouth Hi how are you Is that the best you can do He s a god not your aunt Betsy You may have got the impression that this young fellow and I didn t like it each other But let me tell you that could not be any farther from the truth That s right Sure we were fighting but all friends fight right How could you not like Nell She is really tidy and smart way smart Kinda cute especially when she does that thing with her nose We get along really well Yeah we re actually very close Closest Real homies To the end bro Don t overdo it Now that we ve got that cleared up here s what we re gonna do We close our eyes count to three and when we open them up we ll be back in our right bodies If that s OK with you which I m sure it is since this is just a big misunderstanding we can laugh about in years to come Let s do it One two three Maybe he only speaks Mexican So what are we gonna do next buy him an enchilada I had my heart set on Yale No please not the tears please You think I wanna end up in my dad s spatula store You don t know Wait wait You beat up Nicky You have my body my strength All I need to do is show you how to use it And we could study so you could get through my interview Huh Orson Tryin to Help Ready As hard as you like Come on Once the sign is given the center snaps the ball to the quarterback and the game begins Are you with me so far The offence has a limit