作文三点定高分课件

单击此处编辑母版标题样式,单击此处编辑母版文本样式,第二级,第三级,第四级,第五级,作文三点定高分,*,作文三点定高分,作文三点定高分,作文三点定高分,3点定高分,1. 结构清晰,一篇高分作文，必须结构清晰、布局合理结构意义完整、框架安排合理、主题不离中心、段落详略得当。,2. 句式多变,一篇高分作文，语言上应做到句式多变、丰富多姿长短句搭配、主动被动合理、穿插倒装强调、句间衔接紧密。,3. 出现亮点,一篇高分作文，往往还需在文中出现几个亮点遣词准确贴切、用语形象生动、恰当运用修辞。,作文三点定高分,优化好句式,作文三点定高分,第一讲 长短句变换,一、短句变长句,受汉语思维的影响，很多考生往往会直接ji将脑子里的意思译成英语，而忽略句与句之间的联系，导致写出的句子无法体现英语作为“形合语言”的特点。因此，考生要注意前后句子之间是否存在联系，善于发现各简单句之间的关联，用恰当的连接词将简单句连接起来，组成地道的长句，增加文章的气势。,作文三点定高分,例,1：,Lies do harm to those who are being told lies. Lies do harm to those who tell them.,优化,：,Lies,not only,do harm to those who are being told lies,but also,do harm to those who tell them.,例2：Teenagers are pressured by school work. Under such circumstances, they resort to smoking. But sometimes they feel a little guilty.,优化：,Pressured by,school work, teenagers often resort to smoking,though,they feel a little guilty sometimes.,作文三点定高分,二、长句变短句,长句固然能表达出复杂缜密的思想，但如果片面追求复杂句式，反而会显得华而不实，成为表达的累赘。,写作中句子的长短应根据表达的需要，有话则长，无话则短。,简洁是写作的一个重要原则，用词累赘是写作的大忌,。,作文三点定高分,例,1：,He didnt do the work well because of the fact that he didnt have enough relative work experience.,优化,：,He didnt do the work well,for lack of,experience.,例2：Perhaps they basically distrusted our capacity to judge correctly.,优化：They,distrusted our judgment,.,作文三点定高分,我来练练,1：The captain was a tall, thin man. He has a big mustache. He was pacing the bridge with a look of importance.,优化,：,The captain,a tall, thin man with a mustache, was pacing the bridge with a look of importance.,分析：三个简单句被优化为一个简单句。第一、第二句被简化为同位语。第二句简化成介词短语作定语。,作文三点定高分,我来练练,2：The grading system at our college should be abolished. The students dont like getting grades. The instructors dont enjoy giving grades.,优化,：,The grading system at our college should be abolished,because,neither,the students,nor,the instructors like it.,分析：三个简单句被优化为一个复合句。后两句合成一个原因状语从句；neithernor 连接并列主语。,作文三点定高分,我来练练,3：One reason why I prefer a student-oriented class to a teacher-oriented one is that it can make my knowledge permanent, in addition to which, it can develop my creative mind and my learning ability.,优化,：,I prefer a student-oriented class to a teacher-oriented one.,For one thing, it can make my knowledge permanent.,For another, it can develop my creative mind and my learning ability.,分析：原文被拆分成三个短句。,作文三点定高分,我来练练,4：The meaning of his statement is that he is for the opinion that the death penalty should be allowed.,优化,：,He thinks that,the death penalty should be allowed.,分析：多重复合句简化成一个主从复合句。原句中的累赘词语被删除。,作文三点定高分,我来练练,5：Some people even say that new buildings should be set up in the conventional way. Many people agree it, but others dont agree it.,优化,：,Some people even say that new buildings should be set up in the conventional way,to which people have no complete agreement,.,分析：将两句并列简化为一个简单句。,作文三点定高分,第二讲 主被动变换,英语中有主动语态和被动语态之分，主动语态中主语是动作的执行者，被动语态中主语是动作的承受者。,何时使用被动语态，何时使用主动语态主要是由陈述对象决定的。英语写作中特别强调陈述对象的一致性，因此考生在选择使用何种语态时一定要慎重。,作文三点定高分,一、主动变被动,1. 不需要体现动作的执行者,例1,：,People think it necessary to have open-door policy in our process of economic development.,优化,：,It is widely accepted,that it is necessary to have open-door policy in our process of economic development.,分析：此处不需要体现动作的执行者“people”，因此用被动表达更恰当。,作文三点定高分,2. 强调动作的承受者,例1,：,The employees elected Mr. Li,chairman of the committee last week.,优化,：,Mr. Li was elected,chairman of the committee by the employees last week.,分析：如果有特定语境表明本句需要强调“Mr. Li” 被选为主席，那么应该使用被动语态，以达到突出强调的作用。,作文三点定高分,3. 保持陈述对象的一致，以求行文通顺,例1,：,Computer may help scientists in analyzing data, while,engineers make use of,some computers in designing a plane.,优化,：,Computer may help scientists in analyzing data, while,they are made use of,by engineers in designing a plane.,分析：原句中的主语是computers，从句的主语则是engineers，而computers变成了宾语。为避免陈述对象混乱，保证行文通顺，应将从句改为被动句。,作文三点定高分,二、被动变主动,1. 需要体现动作的执行者,例1,：,Now,how to improve their English is paid more attention to by,college students.,优化,：,Now,college students pay more attention to,how to improve their English.,分析：此处需要体现“college students”的行为，因此采用主动表达更恰当。,作文三点定高分,2. 保持陈述对象的一致，以求行文通顺,例1,：,If we dont know,how the wastes should be used, we can sell them to the recycling station.,优化,：,If we dont know,how to use the wastes, we can sell them to the recycling station.,分析：原句how引导的宾语从句中的被动语态导致if从句前后陈述的对象混乱，影响了句意得明晰和语言的流畅。,作文三点定高分,我来练练,1：Nowadays, public places forbid smoking.,优化,：,Nowadays,smoking is forbidden,in public places.,2：Those in favor of university marriage argue that people should give college students the right to get married.,优化,：,Those in favor of university marriage argue that,college students should be given,the right to get married.,作文三点定高分,我来练练,3：When the Prime Minister arrived at the airport, hundreds of reporters surrounded him immediately.,优化,：,When the Prime Minister arrived at the airport,he was immediately surrounded by hundreds of reporters,.,4：When peoples lives are threatened by firecrackers, they do become bad things.,优化,：,When,firecrackers threaten peoples lives, they do become bad things.,作文三点定高分,我来练练,5：The government has started building various facilities and scientists has been encouraged by the government to work out effective measures which can bring back a healthful world.,优化,：,The government has started building various facilities and,has encouraged scientists,to work out effective measures which can bring back a healthful world.,作文三点定高分,第三讲 非谓语动词变换,写作中，片面追求复杂句式，反而会显得华而不实，成为表达的累赘。因此，有时候我们可以使用非谓语动词短语来代替从句。,谓语动词包括：动词不定式、动名词、现在分词和过去分词。使用非谓语动词可以在有限的篇幅内表达更多的信息，并能够使句子结构紧凑、逻辑严谨、表达简洁。,作文三点定高分,一、非谓语动词和定语从句,定语从句一般都可以用非谓语动词短语来代替。一般来说，当先行词与从句谓语动词是主动关系时，用现在分词；当先行词与从句谓语动词是被动关系时，用过去分词；而不定式短语作定语一般则表示将来的动作，或是它与先行词之间有动宾关系，如果是不及物动词则需加介词。,作文三点定高分,1. 转换成现在分词短语,例1,：,The law can punish those,who produce or sell fake commodities,.,优化,：,The law can punish those,producing or selling fake commodities,.,分析：先行词those在从句中充当主语，它与从句谓语动词produce，sell之间是主动关系，故可以将定语从句转换成现在分词短语，这样句子结构更加紧凑，表达也更加简单。,作文三点定高分,2. 转换成过去分词短语,例1,：,In 1836, there arose the working-class movement,which is known as Chartism, which was the first proletarian revolutionary movement.,优化,：,In 1836, there arose the working-class movement,known as Chartism, which was the first proletarian revolutionary movement.,分析：原句中有连个定语从句，显得有点罗嗦。如果将第一个从句转换成过去分词短语作定语，这样句子结构更加紧凑，表达也更加简单。,作文三点定高分,3. 转换成不定式短语,例1,：,In todays families, young couples often have four aged parents,that they must support,.,优化,：,In todays families, young couples often have four aged parents,to support,.,分析：先行词aged parents在从句中充当宾语，动词support在此又含有“将来要赡养”的含义，故可将定语从句,转化成不定式短语作后置定语,，这样句子结构更加紧凑，表达也更加简单。,作文三点定高分,二、非谓语动词和状语从句,状语从句一般也都可以用非谓语动词短语来代替。当主句的主语和状语从句的主语一致时，可以将从句主语省略，将从句谓语部分转换成现在分词或过去分词短语作状语；而当主句的主语和状语从句的主语不一致时，则要转换成分词的独立结构，这种结构相对复杂，建议考生在写作时谨慎使用。,作文三点定高分,1. 转换成现在分词短语,例1,：,Students must learn to keep safe in public places,while they take,part in activities.,优化,：,Students must learn to keep safe in public places,while taking,part in activities.,分析：时间状语从句的主语与主句的主语一致，从句主谓之间又是主动关系，故可将该从句转换成现在分词短语作状语，这样句子结构更加紧凑，表达也更加简单。,作文三点定高分,2. 转换成过去分词短语,例1,：,If I am given,a chance to study abroad, I will not hesitate to grasp it.,优化,：,Given,a chance to study abroad, I will not hesitate to grasp it.,分析：条件状语从句的主语与主句的主语一致，从句主谓之间又是被动关系，故可将该从句转换成过去分词短语作状语，这样句子结构更加紧凑，表达也更加简单。,作文三点定高分,3. 转换成不定式短语,例1,：,We must equip ourselves with knowledge and skills,so that we could get,the competitive advantage in the future job-hunting.,优化,：,We must equip ourselves with knowledge and skills,so as to get,the competitive advantage in the future job-hunting.,分析：原句中的目的状语从句转换成,不定式短语,作状语，这样句子结构更加紧凑，表达也更加简单。,作文三点定高分,4. 转换成分词独立结构,例1,：,Because one of my parents is laid off, my family cant possibly afford all my expenses at college.,优化,：,With one of my parents being laid off, my family cant possibly afford all my expenses at college.,分析：原因状语从句的主语与主句的主语不一致，故可将该从句转换成现在,分词独立结构,作状语，这样句子结构更加紧凑，表达也更加简单。,作文三点定高分,三、非谓语动词和名词性从句,名词性从句一般不能转换成分词短语，而只能转换成动名词和不定式短语。另外，考生在写作中还要注意运用“疑问词+不定式”结构。,作文三点定高分,1. 转换成动名词短语,例1,：,In the information age, more and more people are aware of,the necessity that they broaden,their horizons.,优化,：,In the information age, more and more people are aware of,the necessity of broadening,their horizons.,分析：necessity后面的同位语从句显得有点累赘，将其转换成动名词短语以后，句子结构更加紧凑，表达也更加简单。,作文三点定高分,2. 转换成不定式短语,例1,：,It is not uncommon,that we see that students with high scores display,poor competence when doing jobs.,优化,：,It is not uncommon,to see that students with high scores display,poor competence when doing jobs.,分析：主语从句的主语we不需要体现出来，而且其中又包含一个宾语从句，句子显得有些冗长，可将主语从句,转换成不定式短语,，使句子结构更加紧凑，表达也更加简单。,作文三点定高分,3. 转换成“疑问词+不定式”结构,例1,：,Nowadays college students pay more attention to,how they should improve,their English.,优化,：,Nowadays college students pay more attention to,how to improve,their English.,分析：宾语从句的主语和主句主语一致，可将其,转换成“疑问词+不定式”结构,，这样句子结构更加紧凑，表达也更加简单。,作文三点定高分,我来练练,1：Children learn,how they should behave,properly both at school and at home.,优化,：,Children learn,how to behave,properly both at school and at home.,2：,If we contrast some libraries with,their past glories, they have become deserted facilities,which are scarcely visited,by students.,优化,：,Contrasted with,their past glories, some libraries have become deserted facilities,scarcely visited,by students.,作文三点定高分,我来练练,3：Some students say that salary is the most critical factor,which influences,their choices.,优化,：,Some students say that salary is the most critical factor,influencing,their choices.,4：The computer may be addictive, the effect of which is not only physical, but also mental,which turns the student inhuman,.,优化,：,The computer may be addictive, the effect of which is not only physical, but also mental,turning the student inhuman,.,作文三点定高分,我来练练,5：It must be realized that people should be cautious,when they decide which books they should choose to read,since,if they read bad books, it will be time-wasting and harmful.,优化,：,It must be realized that people should be cautious,when deciding which books to read,since,reading bad books,is time-wasting and harmful.,作文三点定高分,第四讲 松散句和掉尾句,一、什么是松散句和掉尾句,简单地说，松散句指的是“把主要信息放在前面，辅助信息放在后面”的句式；掉尾句指的是“把辅助信息放在前面，主要信息放在后面”的句式。简单句、并列句和主从复合句都有松散句和掉尾句之分。,作文三点定高分,例1：松散句,：,We have to communicate with them from time to time,if we dont want to be forgotten by our friends,.,掉尾句,：,If we dont want to be forgotten by our friends,w,e have to communicate with them from time to time.,例2：,松散句,：,They were sweeping the snow outdoors,hands red with cold,.,掉尾句,：,Hands red with cold,they were sweeping the snow outdoors.,作文三点定高分,二、如何使用松散句和掉尾句,松散句简单明了、自然直接，读者看了前面的部分一般就可以知道句子想表达的主要意思。松散句常用来自然有序地陈述观点或罗列事实。,掉尾句则相对复杂、庄重，读者在看完整个句子之后才知道它想表达的是什么意思。掉尾句常用语强调或达到某种修饰效果。,作文三点定高分,例1,：,Suburban life will gain more and more popularity among city dwellers,with the growing evidence of its superiority over city life,.,优化,：,With the growing evidence of its superiority over city life,suburban life will gain more and more popularity among city dwellers.,分析：优化后的句子将原来的松散句改为掉尾句，with引出的伴随状语被移到句首，起到了突出强调作用，而且以介词短语开头，丰富了句式。,作文三点定高分,例2,：,That living together offers an excellent chance of cooperation,is one incomparable advantage.,优化,：,One incomparable advantage,is,that,living together offers an excellent chance of cooperation,.,分析：此句要说明与别人合住的“One incomparable advantage”是什么，但该句使用了掉尾句，将从句放在主句前面，使句子的意思表达不够直接明了。因此将其改为松散句，将句子的主要部分放在前面。,作文三点定高分,我来练练,1：We can win the battle against any other outbreak of calamities,only by doing so,.,优化,：,Only by doing so,we can win the battle against any other outbreak of calamities.,2：Among the three cities, City B is,what I like best,. I think we should consider safety and climate first,when we choose a city,.,优化,：,Among the three cities,what I like best,is City B.,When choosing a city, I think, we should consider safety and climate first.,作文三点定高分,我来练练,3：,Let alone the social development, the society will not be peaceful and stable,without equality and justice,.,优化,：,Without equality and justice, the society will not be peaceful and stable,let alone the social development,.,4：The ever-increasing pressure produced by overcrowding is,one big problem,.,优化,：,One big problem,is,the ever-increasing pressure produced by overcrowding.,作文三点定高分,我来练练,5：A new pattern of urban living has emerged in most big cities,as many of urban dwellers have moved to the suburban rings in search of cleaner air, greater privacy and a higher quality of life,.,优化,：,As many of urban dwellers have moved to the suburban rings in search of cleaner air, greater privacy and a higher quality of life,a new pattern of urban living has emerged in most big cities.,作文三点定高分,第五讲 强调句和倒装句,一、强调句的使用,写作中常使用强调句来表达突出重点的目的。强调句的基本结构是：It is (was) + 被强调部分 + that (who) + 句子其他成分。,另外，英语中还经常使用助动词do对谓语动词进行强调，但写作时并不常用。,作文三点定高分,例1,：,The money from parents and other family members mainly supports us.,优化,：,It is,the money from parents and other family members that,mainly supports us,.,分析：通过比较两个句子可以发现，第一句是陈述句，第二句通过强调句型突出强调了句子的主语，使句意的表达更加有力。,作文三点定高分,例2,：,I hope people can realize the urgency to solve this problem as soon as possible.,优化,：,I do hope,people can realize the urgency to solve this problem as soon as possible.,分析：通过比较两个句子可以发现，第一句是陈述句，第二句通过助动词突出强调了句子的谓语动词hope，突出了愿望的强烈程度。,作文三点定高分,二、倒装句的使用,句子成分在句子中都有一定的位置，但有时可以把某些句子成分前后倒置，以达到突出强调的目的或起到某种修饰作用。,英语中倒装分为全部倒装和部分倒装，部分倒装在写作中比较常见。,作文三点定高分,例1,：,The white balloon flew higher and higher,till it vanished in the clouds.,优化,：,Higher and higher flew the white balloon,till it vanished in the clouds.,例2,：,So many newspapers devoted so large a proportion of their space to the public concern about the drop-outs,in on other country,.,优化,：,In on other country,did so many newspapers devoted so large a proportion of their space to the public concern about the drop-outs.,作文三点定高分,我来练练,1：These poor children can enjoy enough food and various books just because of this fund (强调).,优化：,It is,just because of this fund,that,these poor children can enjoy enough food and various books.,2：Other factors such as opportunity, fluent spoken English, plays a more important role in finding a better job.,优化,：,It is,other factors such as opportunity, fluent spoken English,that,plays a more important role in finding a better job.,作文三点定高分,我来练练,3：,There is rarely an opportunity,for us to serve the community in this way (倒装).,优化：,Rarely is there an opportunity,for us to serve the community in this way.,4：By doing part-time jobs,students not only can earn,tuition, but also can put knowledge in the textbooks into practice.,优化,：,By doing part-time jobs,not only can students earn,tuition, but also they can put knowledge in the textbooks into practice.,作文三点定高分,我来练练,5：,When one goes beyond his own field and reads widely, he can really make,remarkable achievements in his study (倒装).,优化：,Only when one goes beyond his own field and reads widely can he really make,remarkable achievements in his study .,作文三点定高分,设计出亮点,作文三点定高分,学会运用亮点词语,一、用词准确贴切,1. 认真辨析同义词,例1,：,So there arises the,problem,: what should we do to get rid of the wrong attitudes towards the workers?,优化,：,So there arises the,question,: what should we do to get rid of the wrong attitudes towards the workers?,分析：problem一般指实际存在的问题或需要解决的现实问题，question则一般指可获得解释或回答的问题。此处用question更合适。,作文三点定高分,2. 恰当使用限定词,写作时需要考生恰当使用限定词，以避免观点的绝对化，从而提高说服力和可信度。,常用的限定词有：,may, perhaps, probably, generally, commonly, personally, typically, usually, sometimes, often, most, almost, in general, at least, at most, to some extent, to some degree, for the most part,等。,例1,：,Typically, people prefer to say “yes” when they should say “no”. (typically指“向来，总是”，表明后面的叙述是一般性或经常性的，这样使得论述更加客观，提高了可信度。),作文三点定高分,3. 注意词语的习惯搭配,例1,：,The traffic in many big cities is getting,more and more crowed,.,优化,：,The traffic in many big cities is getting,heavier and heavier,.,分析：在英语中，表达交通拥挤应该用heavy一词。我们可以说 “The street is crowded.”，但不能说 “The traffic is crowded.”。,作文三点定高分,4. 避免生造词语,考生要避免这一错误，一方面平时要注意积累词汇，另一方面对于自己没把握的表达，最好避免使用或用自己熟悉的同义词代替。,例1,：,To be a three good student,is always a symbol of achievement for the students.,优化,：,To be an all-round student,is always a symbol of achievement for the students.,作文三点定高分,二、用词形象生动,1. 选用具体明确的词,例1,：,No one,saw,the bank being broken into.,优化,：,No one,witnessed,the bank being broken into.,分析：see表示“看，看见”，意思比较抽象，范围较大；而witness则强调“亲眼目睹”，描述的动作更为具体，更符合“目睹银行被抢劫”这一具体的语境。,作文三点定高分,例2,：,Piracy has become a phenomenon,that can be seen everywhere,.,优化,：,Piracy has become a,prevailing,phenomenon.,分析：第二句中用具体的形容词prevailing代替了第一句中的定语从句，更加形象生动地描述了这种现象。,作文三点定高分,2. 利用不同的词类,英语和汉语在词性的运用上有很大区别，但很多考生往往受汉语思维的影响，经常完全依据汉语的词性对译英文，导致作文中出现多个谓语动词集结的错误或造出来的句子十分生硬死板。因此，考生平时训练时一定要注意摆脱汉语思维的束缚，学会根据具体语境活用不同的词类。,作文三点定高分,例1,：,These novels are written in plain language so that everyone can read,when they want to entertain or relax themselves,.,优化,：,These novels are written in plain language so that everyone can read,for entertainment or relaxation,.,分析：第二句中用抽象名词entertainment和 relaxation代替了第一句中的动词entertain和 relax，将时间状语从句简化成了介词短语，使句子的表达更加简洁地道。,作文三点定高分,3. 动态动词的使用,要做到用词形象生动，还要注意选择具有动态意义的词，这些表示具体动作的动态动词往往比,be,，,there be,，,make,，,need,等静态动词更有活力，可以达到更好的写作效果。,例1,：,There are,various answers among different groups of people.,优化,：,Answers,vary,among different groups of people.,分析：第一句使用的there be句型属典型的静态表达；第二句则使用了动态动词vary，明显比第一句多了一分生气。,作文三点定高分,三、避免重复和口语化,1. 避免重复,考生在写作中，或是受汉语的干扰，或是因对英语表达不够熟悉，也有纯粹是为了凑字数，经常在字里行间留下许多多余的词，导致行文拖沓、语义含混。考生在写作中要尽量避免这种情况，在用词上做到言简意赅。,另外，为了增加文章的文采和避免重复，考生在写作时要有意识地使用同义词、同根词、上义词或下义词来取代上文中出现过的词汇。,作文三点定高分,例1,：,With the publication of the novel, he became,famous,as the greatest writer living then, and he has been,more and more famous,as a major American author ever since. He is now also becoming,more and more famous,with Chinese readers.,优化,：,With the publication of the novel, he became,famous,as the greatest writer living then, and his,reputation,as a major American author has been,on the increase,ever since. He is now also becoming,more and more popular,with Chinese readers.,作文三点定高分,2. 避免口语化,例1,：,If you dont study hard, you will,eat it,on the test.,优化,：,If you dont study hard, you will,fail,on the test.,分析：eat it是俚语，表示“忍受”，此处是表示“在考试中接受失败的结果”，在口语中这样表达没有问题，但在书面作文中，用eat it则不恰当，故应换成fail。,作文三点定高分,四、注意过度衔接,如果一篇文章只有意义上的连贯，而形式上比较松散，就很难突出主题，不能很好地表达作者的意图。为了能够使文章主题明确、线索明了、浑然一体，句与句之间需要一定的连接手段，最常见的就是使用过渡性词语。,The Shortage of Fresh Water,作文三点定高分,Many people believe that the worlds supply of fresh water will never be used up. They hold that fresh water already comes from such a variety of sources that it could never be insufficient for use.,However, such an opinion leads to a shocking waste of water.,As a matter of fact, we are short of fresh water.,Furthermore, with the rapid growth of the worlds population, the rising demand for water by industry, and the serious pollution of our surroundings, the world is facing the danger of running out of fresh water.,Actually, in some big cities, fresh water already cannot meet the daily needs.,作文三点定高分,Therefore, it is urgent for us to find new ways to save fresh water.,Above all, we should pass strict laws to prevent fresh water from being wasted.,In addition, scientists must work even harder to purify sea water and polluted water, and try to find the substitute to reduce the use of fresh water.,作文三点定高分,我来练练,1：Eating dumplings on the Eve of Lunar New Year is a national,habit,in China. (用近义词替换),优化：Eating dumplings on the Eve of Lunar New Year is a national,custom,in China.,分析：habit一般指“个人或较小群体的习惯”，custom一般指“较大的社会群体的传统习俗”，故此出用custom更恰当。,作文三点定高分,我来练练,2：The first appearance will determine the applicants fate. (用限定词语more often than not改写),优化：The first appearance,more often than not,will determine the applicants fate.,分析：加上限定词语more often than not(通常)以后，表达更加严谨，更具有说服力。,作文三点定高分,我来练练,3：The popularity of the beauty industry is,because of the following reasons,. (纠正错误搭配),优化：The popularity of the beauty industry i