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101 Sex and the city airedOnce upon a time an English journal-ist came to New York.Elizabeth was attractive and bright, and right away she hooked up with one of the citys eligible bachelors.The question remains, is this a compa-ny we want to own?Tim was 42.A well-liked and respected banker, who made about two million a year.They met one evening, in typical New York fashion, at a gallery opening.Like it?Yes, actually I think its quite interest-ing. What?I feel like I know you.Oh, doubtful.I just moved here from London.Really?Thats my favorite city.It is?Absolutely.It was love at first sight.You know, I think perhapsI have met you somewhere before.For two weeks they snuggled. went to romantic restaurants. had wonderful sex. and shared the most intimate se-crets.One day, he took her to a house he saw in the New York Times.How about if we start at the top?There are four bedrooms upstairs.Do you have any children?Not yet.That day Tim popped the question.Would you like to meet my folks Tues-day night?Id love to.On Tuesday he called with some bad news.My mothers not feeling very well.Oh, gosh, Im sorry.Can we take a rain check?Of course.Tell your mumI hope she feels better.When she hadnt heard from him for two weeks, she called.Tim, its Elizabeth.Thats an awfully long rain check.He said he was up to his ears and that hed call the next day.He never did call. Bastard.She told me one day over coffee.I dont understand. in England, look-ing at houses together would have meant something.I realized no one had told herabout the end of love in Manhattan.Welcome to the age of un-innocence.No one has breakfast at Tiffanys, and no one has affairs to remember.instead, we have breakfast at 7:00am and affairs we try to forget as quickly as possible.Self-protection and closing the deal are paramount.Cupid has flown the co-op.How did we get into this mess?There are thousands of women like this in the city.We all know them and we all agree theyre great.They travel, they pay taxes, theyll spend $400 on a pair of Manolo Blah-nik strappy sandals, and theyre alone. Its like the riddle of the Sphinx.Why are there so many great unmar-ried women and no great unmarried men?I explore these issues in my column and I have terrific sources: my friends.When youre in your 20s, women con-trol the relationships.By the time youre in your 30s, youre being devoured by women.Suddenly the guys are holding all the chips.I call it the mid-thirties power flip.Its all about age and biology.If you want to get married, its to have kids, right?If you do it with someone older than 35, you have to have kids right away.And thats about it.These women should forget about marriage. and have a good time.I have a friend whod always gone out-with extremely sexy guys and just had a good time.One day she woke up and she was 41 .She couldnt get any more dates.She had a breakdown, couldnt hold on to her job, and moved back to Wis-consin to live with her mother.Trust me, this is not a story that makes men feel bad.Most men are threatened by successful women. If you wanna get these guys, you have to keep your mouth shut and play by the rules.I totally believe that love conquers all.Sometimes you just have to give it a little space.Thats whats missing in Manhat-tanthe space for romance.The problem is expectationsolder women wont accept whats available.By your mid thirties, you think why should I settle?You know?The older we get, the more we keep self-selecting down to a smaller group.What women really want is Alec Bald-win.Theres not one woman in New York who hasnt turned down ten wonder-ful guys because they were too short,or too fat, or too poor.Ive been out with short, fat and poor guys. It makes no difference.They are just as self-centered as the good-looking ones.Why dont these women marry a fat guy?Why dont they just marry a big fat tub of lard?Happy birthdayDear MirandaHappy birthday to youAnother thirty-something birthday with a group of unmarried female friends.We would all have preferred a cele-bratory conference call.You were saying?If youre a successful woman in this city, you can either struggle to find a relationship or just go out and have sex like a man.you mean with dildos?No. I mean without feeling.Samantha was a New York inspiration,a public relations executive.She routinely slept with good-looking guys in their 20s.You know that guy that I was dating?What was his name?Drew.The sex god.Afterwards, I felt nothing.It was like, Gotta go, catch you later.And I completely forgot about him af-ter that.Thats because he didnt call you.Sweetheart, its the first time in the his-tory of Manhattan that women have had as much power as men, plus the e-qual luxury of treating men like sex objects.Yeah, except men in this city dont want to be in a relationship with you, but if you only want them for sex they dont like it.Suddenly they cant perform.Thats when you dump them.Come on, ladies, are we really that cynical?What about romance?Who needs it?Its like that guy, Jeremiah, the poet.The sex was incredible, but then he wanted to read me his poetry and go out to dinner and chat, and Im like, Lets not even go there.What are you saying? Are you saying youre just gonna give up on love?Thats sick!Look, if the right guy comes along, this whole things right out the window.Thats right!The right guy is an illusion.Start living your life!So you think its possible to pull off this whole women having sex like men thing.Youre forgetting The Last Seduction.Youre obsessed with that movie.OK! Linda Florentine ing that guy up against the chain-link fence.And never having one of thoseGod, what have I done? epiphanies.I hated that movie.Was it true? Were women in New York giving up on love and throttling up on power?What a tempting thought.I think the only place where one can still find love and romance in New York is the gay community.Straight love has become closeted.Stanford Blatch was a close friend.He owned a talent agency who was down to a single client.Are you telling me that youre in love?How could I possibly sustain a rela-tionship?Derek takes up like 1000% of my time.Dont you think thats a bit obsessive?Carrie, Im a passionate person.His career is all I care about.When thats under control, then I canconcentrate on my personal life.Stanford, hes an underwear model.With a billboard in Times Square!Oh, my God, dont turn around.The loathe of your life is at the bar.It was Kurt Harrington.A mistake I made when I was 26.and 29.and 31 .Carrie, dont even go there.What do you think, Im a masochist?The man is scum.Good. I dont have the patience to comfort you a fourth time.Relax. I dont have any feelings left.Thank god.Excuse me, I have to visit the ladies room. It was true, I no longer felt a thing for Kurt.After all these years, I finally saw him for what he was - a self-centered with-holding creep, who was still the best sex I ever had in my life.However, I did have a little experi-ment in mind.Wow, What are you doing here?Hey, babe.God, you look gorgeous.Thanks.So, hows life?Not bad, cant complain. You?You know just writing the column, the usual.So, you seeing anyone special?Not really. You?Oh, just a couple of guys.But you look good though.So do you.So. What are you doing later?I thought you werent talking to me for the rest of your life?Who said anything about talking?What do you say, my place, three oclock?Alright. See you there.Are you out of your mind?What do you think youre doing?Calm down, its research.Oh, God! Oh, Kurt!Kurt was just like I remembered.Better.Because there would be none of that messy emotional attachment.Alright.My turn.Oh, sorry. I have to go back to work.What are you kidding? you serious?Oh, yeah completely.But Ill give you a call.Maybe we can do it again some time?As I began to get dressed, I realized that Id done it.Id just had sex like a man.I left feeling powerful, potent, and in-credibly alive.I felt like I owned the city - nothing and no one could get in my way.Number one - hes very handsome.Number two - hes not wearing a wed-ding ring.Number three - he knows I carry a per-sonal supply of ultra textured Trojanswith the reservoir tip.Thanks a lot.any time.Later that night, Skipper Johnston met me for coffee and confessed a shocking intimate secret.Thank you.Do you know That it has been a year?Really? I dont understand that, youre such a nice guy.Thats the problem.Im too nice, you know?Im a romantic.I just have so much feeling.Are you sure youre not gay?No!Im sensitive and I dont objectify women.You know, most guys when they meet a girl, the first thing that they see is. you know.Pussy?Oh, God!I hate that word.Dont you have any friends that you can hook me up with?No, theyre too old for you.I like older women.Maybe.Maybe My friend Miranda.When?Tomorrow night. Were all going downtown to this club, Chaos.Great.Dont tell her Im nice.Miranda was gonna hate Skipper.Shed think he was mocking her with his sweet nature and decide he was an asshole.The way she had decided all men were assholes.Hello?Hey, Carrie, its Charlotte.Hey, sweetie.I cant meet you for dinner tomorrow, because I have an amazing date.With who?Capote Duncan, a big shot in the pub-lishing world.Do you know him?He was one of the citys most un-get-table bachelors.Wait, wait. Dont answer that question, because I dont care.And Im not buying into any of that women having sex like men crap.I didnt tell her about my afternoon of cheap sex and how good it felt.Alright. Listen, have a good time, and promise to tell me everything. If youre lucky. Bye.Alright, bye.Friday night at Chaos.It was just like that bar in Cheers where everybody knows your name.Except here they were likely to forget It five minutes later.Still, it was the crme de la crme of New York, whipped into a frenzy.Sometimes you got a souffl, some-times cottage cheese. It is like a model bomb exploded in this room tonight.Is there a woman here aside from me that weighs more than a 100 pounds?I know, its like under-eaters anony-mous.Thats funny, Skippy.Skipper.I have this theory that men secretly hate pretty girls because they feel that theyre the ones who rejected them in high school.But if youre not in the beauty Olympics, you can still be a very inter-esting person.Are you saying that Im not pretty?No, Of course you are.So ipso facto, I cant be interesting?Women fall into one of two categories,beautiful and boring, or homely and interesting? is that it, Skippy?No, thats not what I meant.Excuse me, is this your hand on my knee?No.Lets keep them where I can see them.I guess you must find me beautiful.Or interesting.I was about to rescue Skipper from a hopeless situation, when suddenly.Lucky me, twice in one week.You may Not be getting that lucky.I was pissed off the way you left.You were?Yeah. Then I thought how great!You finally understand that we can have sex without commitment.Yeah, right. Sure, I guess.So whenever I feel like it, Ill give you a call.Yeah, whenever you feel like it.I mean, if Im alone, Im all yours.Alright.I like this new you.Call me.Yup.I didnt understand, did men secretly want promiscuous and emotionally detached women?And if I was really having sex like a man, why didnt I feel more in control?You see that guy?Hes the next Donald Trump, except hes younger and much better looking.Hi.Do you know him?No, Ive never seen him in my life.He usually dates models, but, hey, Im as good looking as a model, plus I own my own business.Samantha had the kind of deluded self-confidence that caused men like Ross Perot to run for President.And it usually got her what she want-ed.Well, if youre not gonna hit on him, I will.And there she went, off to take her best shot with Mr. Big.Meanwhile, Charlotte York was pass-ing the most splendid evening with Capote Duncan.Want to go back to my place and see the Ross Bleckner?Id love to, but its really getting late.No problem.What year was it painted again?89.Charlotte was playing hard to get, butshe didnt want to end it too abruptly.Well. Maybe just for a minute.This could easily go for a hundredgrand. Ross is so hot right now.Its beautiful.No, youre beautiful.Thank you.for tonight.I had a wonderful time.Well, it was my pleasure.I have to get up really early tomorrow.Ill get you a cab.Charlotte thought shed played the en-tire evening flawlessly.So, what are you doing next Saturday?Im having dinner with you.Hey, hey, youre going to the West Side, right?Right, West Fourth and Bank please.Scoot over, will you?Two stops, Fourth and Bank and west Broadway and Broome.Youre going to Chaos?Oh, yeah.Why?I understand where youre coming from and I totally respect it.But I really need to have sex tonight.Back at Chaos, things were swinging into high gear and Samantha was putting the moves on Mr. Big.Ive been smoking cigars for years, when they were terminally uncool.Ive got a source that sends me Hon-durans. Do you want to try one?No, thank you.You cant find them anywhere.Cohabits - thats all I smoke.Look, I do the PR for this club and I have a key to the private room down-stairs.Really?You want a private tour?No thanks, but maybe another time.Meanwhile, Skipper was hopelessly smitten with Miranda Hobbes.Where are we going now?Listen, Skippy, you know, you really are a nice sweet guy, but.Oh, I understand.Goodnight.Miranda said she thought he was too nice, but she was willing to overlook one flaw.And Capote Duncan found his fix for the night.Where is it?I wanna see the Ross Bleckner.Later.Later.Oh, listen.I gotta get up really early, so you cant stay over.Cool?sure, I have to get up early, too.Taxi! Taxi!And so another Friday night in Man-hattan crept towards dawn.Taxi!And just when I thought I would have to do the unspeakable - walk home.Well, get in for Chris sakes.Where Can I drop you?And Street, Third Avenue.You got That, Al?Yes, sir.So what have you been doing lately?You mean besides going out every night?Yeah, I mean what do you do for work?Well, this is my work.Im sort of a sexual anthropologist.You mean like a hooker?No. I write a column called Sex And The City.Im researching an article about wom-en who have sex like men.They have sex and afterwards they feel nothing.But youre not like that.Well, arent you?Not a drop. Not even half a drop.Wow. Whats wrong with you?I get it.Youve never been in love.Oh, yeah?Yeah.Suddenly I felt the wind knocked out of me.I wanted to crawl under the covers and go right to sleep.Thanks for The ride.Any time.Wait.Have you ever been in love?Abso-ing-lutely.102 Models and mortals airedLast night Miranda got invited to a dinner party by a man she hardly knew.She was the date of Nick Waxier, a successful sports agent who once said she had nice legs.Movie stars youd have liked to when they were young.Alive or dead?It doesnt matter. Ill start.Veronica Lake when she made Sulli-vans Travels.Dave?Id have to say Sophia Loren.My dad had this thing for her.We wont go there. Montgomery Clift.he was gay.Marilyn Monroe, before the Kennedys got to her.Bing Crosby.I stand by my choice.Sean Connery, yesterday, today and tomorrow.For a first date, Miranda felt like she was hitting it out of the ballpark.Thanks.So how long have you known Nick?Weve been riding the same elevator line for years.We had lunch a few weeks ago, and then he invited me here to dinner.Well, we adore him.Hes very smart. He took our ultimatum seriously.Deanne.What are you talking about?They told Miranda that Nick had this thing for models.Old movie stars youd have liked to when they were young. Ill start.Veronica Lake, the year she made Sul-livans Travels.Dave?Id have to go with Sophia Loren.Probably, my dad had a thing for her.Montgomery Clift.Marilyn Monroe.Bing Crosby.Yvette?I dont know, Charlie Sheen?Theyd come to dinner, push their food around, and pout.Veronica Lake.Sophia Loren.Montgomery Clift.Marilyn Monroe.Bing Crosby.Marissa?She. had to make a phone call.It got to be a problem.They decided to take action.Cant you find a woman who can carry on a decent conversation?Yeah, Nick, and eat without purging.What are you saying?You cant bring around any more mod-els.Its too depressing.OK, OK, Ill see what I can do.And then he brought you.So obviously Not a model.in a good way!Nick dates models?Miranda confronted him, and it didnt take him long to fold.No, its true, its true, OK?Im obsessed.Obsessed with models.Correct.So am I your intellectual beard?Dont be pissed. You got to admit, you met some nice people.You had a good time.You were on a date with a modifier and you didnt even know it?If men like Nick are dating models, what chance do ordinary women have?Only supermodels can get a date in New York?Modifiers are a particular breed.Theyre a step beyond womanizers, who will sleep with just about any-thing in a skirt.Modifiers are obsessed, not with wom-en, but with models, who in most cities are safely confined to billboards and magazines, but in Manhattan run wild on the streets, turning the city in-to a model safari, where men can pet the creatures in their natural habitat.As if we didnt have enough problems.Theyre stupid and lazy and they should be shot on sight.Many guys say Im as beautiful as a model, but I work for a living.Im like. a model whos taken the high road.The advantages given to models and beautiful women are so unfair, it makes me wanna puke.But you are So cute.Cute doesnt cut it in this town.Whats cute compared to supermodel?Theres nothing like raising the subject of models among four single women to spice up an otherwise dull Tuesday night.They have this distant sexy look.Thats not sexy. Its starvation.Thats starvation in the best restau-rants.I want to know when did men get to-gether and decide that they would on-ly get it up for giraffes with big breasts?In some cultures, heavy women with moustaches are considered beautiful.And youre looking at me while youre saying that?Our culture promotes impossible stan-dards of beauty.Except men think theyre possible!Yeah.No matter how good I feel, if I see Christy Turlington, I want to give up.I just want to force-feed her lard.Thats the difference between us.What are you talking about?Look at you two. Youre beautiful.I hate my thighs.Oh, come on!I cant even open a magazine without thinking, Thighs, thighs, thighs.Well, Ill take your thighs and raise you a chin.Ill take your chin and raise you a.What?Oh, come on.I happen to love the way I look.you should. you paid enough for it.I resent that!I do not believe in plastic surgery.Well, not yet.I find it fascinating that four beautiful, flesh-and-blood women could be in-timidated by unreal fantasies. I mean.Look at this.is this really intimidating to any of you?I hate my thighs.Pass the chicken.I have that dress.Suddenly I was interested.If models could cause rational people to crumble
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