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后续写读后续写读1一、读后续写及*要求考生在理解一篇不完整文章的基础上，充分调动要求考生在理解一篇不完整文章的基础上，充分调动想象创新思维，大胆预测文章缺失部分的内容走势，想象创新思维，大胆预测文章缺失部分的内容走势，进行充满个性色彩的设计，并用英语进行续写表达。进行充满个性色彩的设计，并用英语进行续写表达。所提供短文多以记叙文故事类文章或夹叙夹议类文章所提供短文多以记叙文故事类文章或夹叙夹议类文章为主，故事情节有曲折有起伏，但故事线索的逻辑性为主，故事情节有曲折有起伏，但故事线索的逻辑性比较强。比较强。*创造性创造性+逻辑性逻辑性+丰富性丰富性一、读后续写题型解读及能力要求*要求考生在理解一篇不完整文章21.1.没有划线词，难度增加。没有划线词，难度增加。2.2.时间时间+剧情剧情 均跨度较大均跨度较大3.3.主题意义鲜明（人与自然，人与社会，人与自我）主题意义鲜明（人与自然，人与社会，人与自我）4.4.新的评分标准新的评分标准1.没有划线词，难度增加。山东卷读后续写的特点：3山东续写山东续写浙江续写浙江续写总则总则总分为总分为25分，按分，按7个档次评分个档次评分总分为总分为25分，按分，按5个档次评分个档次评分1.内内容容质质量量、完完整整性性、与与原原文文情情境境融洽；融洽；2.词词汇汇&语语法法结结构构准准确确恰恰当当多多样样；3.上下文衔接上下文衔接&全文连贯全文连贯1.与所给短文与所给短文&开头语衔接；开头语衔接；2.内容丰富内容丰富&划线词划线词使用；使用；3.语法结构语法结构&词汇丰富准确；词汇丰富准确；4.上下文连贯上下文连贯词数少于词数少于120的，的，酌情酌情扣分扣分词数少于词数少于130，从总分中减去，从总分中减去2分分山东续写浙江续写总则总分为25分，按7个档次评分总分为25分42225分（优秀）分（优秀）1.创造了创造了新颖新颖、丰富、合理的内容，、丰富、合理的内容，富有逻辑性，续写完整，与原富有逻辑性，续写完整，与原文情境文情境融洽度高融洽度高；2.使用了使用了多样且恰当多样且恰当的的词汇和语法结词汇和语法结构构，表达流畅，语言错误很少，且，表达流畅，语言错误很少，且完完全不影响全不影响理解；理解；3.自然有效地使用了段落间、语句间自然有效地使用了段落间、语句间衔接手段衔接手段，全文结构清晰，全文结构清晰，前后呼应前后呼应，意义连贯。意义连贯。21-25分（优秀）分（优秀）1.与所给短文与所给短文融合度高融合度高，与所提供的各段与所提供的各段落开头语落开头语衔接合理衔接合理；2.内容丰富，内容丰富，应用了五个以上短文中标出应用了五个以上短文中标出的关键词语的关键词语；3.所使用所使用语法结构和词汇丰富语法结构和词汇丰富、准确，可、准确，可能有些许错误，但能有些许错误，但完全不影响完全不影响意思表达；意思表达；4.有效地使用了有效地使用了语句间的语句间的连接连接成分，所续成分，所续写短文结构紧凑。写短文结构紧凑。山东续写山东续写浙江续写浙江续写2225分（优秀）21-25分（优秀）山东续写浙江续写51.1.：原文阅读：原文阅读+信息梳理信息梳理 读情节读情节+读语言读语言+读线索读线索2.2.：潜心构思：潜心构思+情节预设情节预设+明确方向明确方向 关注关注“两线两线”-”-情节线情节线&情感线情感线 关注关注“四点四点”-”-四处衔接四处衔接3.3.：初稿勾勒：初稿勾勒+润色提升润色提升+正规誊写正规誊写1.读（5-8mins）：原文阅读+信息梳理读后续写基本流程61.明确读后续写的评分标准评分评分:先根据整体情况对文章进行先根据整体情况对文章进行定档定档，然后依据该档的相，然后依据该档的相应要求来应要求来确定或调节档确定或调节档次次，最后打分。，最后打分。打分打分主要从主要从续写内续写内容、词汇语法、篇章结构容、词汇语法、篇章结构三方面考虑。三方面考虑。1.1.创造创造情节情节的质量、续写的完整性及与原文情境的融洽度。的质量、续写的完整性及与原文情境的融洽度。2.2.词汇、语法词汇、语法的准确性、恰当性及多样性。的准确性、恰当性及多样性。3.3.上下文的上下文的衔接衔接和全文的和全文的连贯连贯性。性。1.明确读后续写的评分标准评分:先根据整体情况对文章进行7读后续写的高考评分标准各档次给分范围和要求各档次给分范围和要求:总分为总分为25分，按分，按7个档次个档次给分给分。评分评分档档次次描描 述述第第七档七档（22-25分）分）优秀档优秀档创造了创造了新颖、丰富、合理新颖、丰富、合理的内容，富有的内容，富有逻辑性逻辑性，续写，续写完整完整，与原文情境，与原文情境融洽度融洽度高。高。使用了使用了多样且恰当的词汇多样且恰当的词汇和和语法语法结构，表达流畅，语言错误很少，且完全不影响理解。结构，表达流畅，语言错误很少，且完全不影响理解。自然有效地使用了段落间、语句间自然有效地使用了段落间、语句间衔接手段衔接手段，全文结构清晰，全文结构清晰，前后呼应前后呼应，意义连贯。，意义连贯。读后续写的高考评分标准评分档次描 述第8读后续写的高考评分标准各档次给分范围和要求各档次给分范围和要求:总分为总分为25分，按分，按7个档次个档次给分给分。评分评分档档次次描描 述述第六第六档档（18-21分）分）良好档良好档创造了创造了比较比较丰富、合理的内容，丰富、合理的内容，比较比较有逻辑性，续写有逻辑性，续写比较比较完整，与原文情境融洽度完整，与原文情境融洽度比较比较高。高。使用了使用了比较比较多样且恰当的词汇和语法结构，有些许语法错误，不影响理解。多样且恰当的词汇和语法结构，有些许语法错误，不影响理解。比较比较有效地使用了段落间衔接手段，全文结构有效地使用了段落间衔接手段，全文结构比较比较清晰，意义清晰，意义比较比较连贯。连贯。读后续写的高考评分标准评分档次描 述第9读后续写的高考评分标准各档次给分范围和要求各档次给分范围和要求:总分为总分为25分，按分，按7个档次个档次给分给分。评分评分档档次次描描 述述第五第五档档（15-17分）分）一般档一般档创造了创造了基本合理基本合理的内容，有的内容，有一定的逻辑性一定的逻辑性，续写，续写基本完整基本完整，与原文情境，与原文情境相关相关。使用了使用了比较恰当比较恰当的词汇和语法结构，表达方式的词汇和语法结构，表达方式不够多样不够多样，表达，表达有些有些错误，但错误，但基本不影响基本不影响理解。理解。使用了使用了语句间衔接语句间衔接手段，全文结构手段，全文结构比较清晰比较清晰，意义，意义比较连贯比较连贯。读后续写的高考评分标准评分档次描 述第10读后续写的高考评分标准各档次给分范围和要求各档次给分范围和要求:总分为总分为25分，按分，按7个档次个档次给分给分。评分评分档档次次描描 述述第四第四档档（11-14分）分）较差档较差档（低级语法错（低级语法错误，如主宾格误，如主宾格使用混乱，时使用混乱，时态错误，拼写态错误，拼写错误等）错误等）创造了创造了基本完整基本完整的故事内容，但的故事内容，但有的有的情节情节不够合理不够合理或逻辑性不强，与原文情境或逻辑性不强，与原文情境基本相关基本相关。使用了简单的词汇和语法结构，有使用了简单的词汇和语法结构，有部分语言错误部分语言错误和不恰当之处，和不恰当之处，个别个别部分部分影响影响理解。理解。尚有尚有语句衔接的意识，全文结构基本清晰，意义基本连贯。语句衔接的意识，全文结构基本清晰，意义基本连贯。读后续写的高考评分标准评分档次描 述第11续写得分技巧：*1*1）内容上内容上鼓励大胆想象，有鼓励大胆想象，有创新创新意识（不离奇，重逻辑），情节意识（不离奇，重逻辑），情节丰富丰富，尽可能，尽可能合理展开合理展开，并注意，并注意前后文呼应前后文呼应，与原文，与原文融洽度高融洽度高。*2 2）写作尽可能）写作尽可能传递正能量传递正能量.要提炼有思想性、体现价值观和传递要提炼有思想性、体现价值观和传递正能量的元素（例如珍爱生命，学会合作，学会感恩等）正能量的元素（例如珍爱生命，学会合作，学会感恩等）*3 3）记叙文）记叙文语言表达语言表达流畅，避免低级语法错误，注意流畅，避免低级语法错误，注意连接词连接词的正确的正确使用，使上下文连贯；注意使用，使上下文连贯；注意句子结构句子结构的多样性和的多样性和语言语言的丰富性。的丰富性。*4 4）检查，誊写）检查，誊写-检查文章的连贯性、逻辑性，规范性。最后誊检查文章的连贯性、逻辑性，规范性。最后誊写要做到写要做到字迹工整，清晰美观字迹工整，清晰美观。续写得分技巧：*1）内容上鼓励大胆想象，有创新意识（不离奇，12一后续写指导读一后续写指导读13读后续写的评分标准综述评分评分:主要从主要从续写内容、词汇语法、篇章结构续写内容、词汇语法、篇章结构三方面考虑。三方面考虑。1.1.创造创造情节情节的质量、续写的的质量、续写的及与原文情境的及与原文情境的。2.2.词汇、语法词汇、语法的准确性、恰当性及多样性。的准确性、恰当性及多样性。3.3.上下文的上下文的衔接衔接和全文的和全文的连贯连贯性。性。读后续写的评分标准综述评分:主要从续写内容、词汇语法、篇章14What is plot?Plotisthewayanauthorcreatesandorganizesachainofeventsinanarrative.Theplotmustfollowalogical,attractiveformatthatdrawsthereaderin.Plotdiffersfrom“story”inthatithighlightsaspecificandpurposefulcause-and-effectrelationshipbetweenasequenceofmajoreventsinthenarrative.Plotisaliterarytermdefinedastheeventsthatmakeupastory,particularlyastheyrelatetooneanotherinapattern,inasequence,throughcauseandeffect.What is plot?Plot is the way a15A logical plot?Twilightmergedinto.Withtheclassapproaching,Igotmoreandmorenervous.Despitethehoursdevotedtoitthesedays,Istillfeltbutterfliesinmystomach.Thewholenightfoundmeturningandtossinginbed,unabletofallasleep.Igotupandopenedthewindow.Theairwassofresh,andthelovelybirdswerehoppingfrombranchtobranch,singingbeautifulsongsmerrily.Suddenly,Isensedthesmellofspring,witheverythingcomingbacktolife.,ItookmycellphoneandreadanarticleabouthowChinatakeonthevirus.ProudoftheeffortsChinamadetokeepstanding,Ifeltluckytohavesuchabigcountrytofallbackon.,whichistimeformyclass.Withatremblinghand,Iturnedonthecomputer,myheartpumpingviolently.Takingadeepbreath,Imanagedtocalmdownandbeganmyclassasusual.A logical plot?Twilight me16后续-Logicalplotting1.续写第一段的内容设计既要考虑与上文的融洽衔接，同时也要续写第一段的内容设计既要考虑与上文的融洽衔接，同时也要考虑本段和最后一段开头语的呼应和衔接，而后者是容易忽视的考虑本段和最后一段开头语的呼应和衔接，而后者是容易忽视的部分。部分。2.续写第二段是文章的结尾，要关注与文章开头的遥相呼应，凸续写第二段是文章的结尾，要关注与文章开头的遥相呼应，凸显主题，升华精神。显主题，升华精神。后续-Logical plotting1.续写第一段的17*如何构建续写情节(logicalplotting)本节重点本节重点*如何构建续写情节(logical plotting)181.文章理解不到位，续写情节与原文脱离文章理解不到位，续写情节与原文脱离2.违背真实生活，缺乏合理性违背真实生活，缺乏合理性3.融洽度不高，衔接不合理融洽度不高，衔接不合理4.大量对话无意义，段落间分布不均衡大量对话无意义，段落间分布不均衡5.主题升华牵强或跑偏主题升华牵强或跑偏续写情节构建中存在的问题1.文章理解不到位，续写情节与原文192.违背真实生活，缺乏合理性违背真实生活，缺乏合理性 Conner ran to Calebs side,and the boys tried to comfort their father.“Take it easy dad,and Im sure you will be fine.”Conner smiled to his father and encouraged him.After a while,they managed to pull their father out of the car.续写情节构建中存在的问题2.违背真实生活，缺乏合理性204.大量对话无意义，段落间分布不均衡大量对话无意义，段落间分布不均衡“Dad,we are your sons!”“Dad,do you get injured?”“Im fine.Dont worry.”“Dad,dont worry,and Im sure to help you out.”.续写情节构建中存在的问题4.大量对话无意义，段落间分布不均21 He met her at a party.She was outstanding.Many guys were after her,while he was average looking,shy and awkward.After the party,he invited her for coffee.She was surprised,but out of politeness,she accepted his invitation to go on a date.As they sat in a nice coffee shop,he was too nervous to say anything and she felt uncomfortable.Suddenly,he asked the waiter,“Could you please give me some salt?Id like to put it in my coffee.They stared at him wtih a strange look!His face turned red,but when the salt came,he put it in his coffee and drank it.Curious,she asked,Why this unusual habit?He took a couple of sips and replied,When I was a little boy,I lived near the sea.I liked playing on the sea.I could feel the taste of the sea,just like the taste of salty coffee.Now every time I have the salty coffee,I always think of my childhood and my hometown.I miss it and my parents,who are still there.典例分析典例分析 He met her at a part22二后续写指导读二后续写指导读231 1、解读文本。、解读文本。过滤有效信息，把握文章要素。过滤有效信息，把握文章要素。2 2、缜密构思、缜密构思。文章中心内容、段首句相结合。文章中心内容、段首句相结合。情节发展是主体，细节描写是关键。情节发展是主体，细节描写是关键。3 3、打磨写作、打磨写作。快速初步成稿，然后升级词汇与。快速初步成稿，然后升级词汇与丰富句式，最后规范誊写。丰富句式，最后规范誊写。写作步骤写作步骤1、解读文本。过滤有效信息，把握文章要素。写作步骤24*如何打磨续写的语言(vividwriting)本节重点本节重点*如何打磨续写的语言(vivid writing)本25Ways to polish your story strategies3.proper conjunctions*2.abundant sentence patterns 1.advanced words and phrasesWays to polish your story str26*1.Advanced words and phrases(1)丰满人物内心（心情的表达）丰满人物内心（心情的表达）Richadjectivesandotherusefulexpressionstoportraytheinnerthoughtsofthefigures(2)增加表达效果（动作的表达）增加表达效果（动作的表达）Detailedverbstomakeexpressionspowerful(3)丰富故事情节（细节和连贯）丰富故事情节（细节和连贯）Properadverbstoenrichyourstory*1.Advanced words and phra27Show,dont tell.28小提示：小提示：1.高级词汇的选择遵循高级词汇的选择遵循具体性原则具体性原则，晚词优先原则晚词优先原则1)a good/nice woman a warm-hearted/generous/honest woman2)Finding the lost diamond ring would be difficult.Finding the lost diamond ring would be challenging.3)Ashleighs carelessness caused the loss of the diamond ring.Ashleighs carelessness were responsible for.小提示：小提示：2.避免重复使用同一词语避免重复使用同一词语1)The Hannahs thanked Korey,saying“Thank you for your kindness,or we will never have it”again and again.2)The Hannahs expressed their gratitude to Korey,saying“Thank you for your kindness,or never will we have it”again and again.小提示：1.高级词汇的选择遵循具体性原则，晚词优先原则29*2.Abundant sentence patterns思考翻译：穿着白色裙子，这个女孩儿看起来非常漂亮。思考翻译：穿着白色裙子，这个女孩儿看起来非常漂亮。(1)The girl wears a white skirt,and she looks beautiful.(2)Wearing a white skirt,the girl looks pretty beautiful.(3)Wearing a white skirt,the girl appears absolutely,making me fall in love with her.*2.Abundant sentence patte30 Christmas Day was coming.I was just a kid then,and my big sister told me there was no Santa Claus.Imy grandma because she would be straight with me.I knew Grandma always told me the truth.Grandma was home,and I told her everything.She was ready for me.No Santa Claus?she.Ridiculous!Dont believe it.That rumor has been going around for years,and it makes me mad,plain mad.Now,put on your coat,and lets go.Go where,grandma?I asked.Where turned out to be Kerbys General Store,the one store in town that had a lit bit of just about everything.As we walked through its doors,Grandma handed me ten dollars Take this money,she said,and buy something for someone who needs it.Ill wait for you in the car Then she turned and walked out of Kerbys.I was only eight years old.Id often gone shopping with my mother,and never had I shopped for anything all by myself.The store seemed big and crowded,full of people competing to finish their Christmas shopping.For a few moments I just stood there,confused,holding that ten-dollar bill,wondering what to buy and who to buy something for.典例分析典例分析 Christmas Day was co31 I suddenly thought of Bobby Decker,who was a kid with bad breath and messy hair.He sat right behind me in Mrs.Pollocks grade-two class.Bobby Decker didnt have a coat.I knew that because he never went out for recess during the winter.His mother always wrote a note,telling the teacher that he had a cough,but we kids knew that Bobby Decker didnt have a cough,and that he didnt have a coat.I would buy Bobby Decker a coat!settled on a red one,which looked really warm,and he would like that.Is this a Christmas present for someone?the lady behind the counter asked kindly,as I laid my ten dollars down.Yes.The nice lady smiled at me,put the coat in a bag and wished me a Merry Christmas.Paragraph1：That evening,Grandma helped me wrap the coat in Christmas paper._Paragraph 2:Grandma and 1 waited breathlessly for Bobby Deckers front door to open and finally it opened._典例分析典例分析 I suddenly thought o32写作出彩写作出彩 高级且丰富的句式同样重要高级且丰富的句式同样重要(1)Neverhad I shopped for anything all by myself.(2)The store seemed big and crowded,full of people competing to finish their Christmas shopping.(3)For a few moments I just stood there,confused,holding that ten-dollar bill,wondering what to buy and who to buy something for.(4)I suddenly thought of Bobby Decker,who was a kid with bad breath and messy hair.(5)His mother always wrote a note,telling the teacher that he had a cough,but we kids knew that Bobby Decker didnt have a cough,and that he didnt have a coat.(6)I would buy Bobby Decker a coat,which looked really warm,and he would like that.(7)The nice lady smiled at me,put the coat in a bag and wished me a Merry Christmas.*在续写文本中，熟练应用并列句在续写文本中，熟练应用并列句(5,7)，三大从句，三大从句(4,6)，非谓语动词，非谓语动词(2,3,5)和特殊句式和特殊句式(1)。*2.Abundant sentence patterns写作出彩 高级且丰富的句式同样重要*2.Abund33并列动作：并列动作：Theniceladysmiledatme,putthecoatinabagandwishedmeaMerryChristmas.伴随状语：伴随状语：使用分词形式、使用分词形式、使用使用“with”结构、使用独立主格结构、结构、使用独立主格结构、使用形容词、名词、介词短语使用形容词、名词、介词短语 His mother always wrote a note,telling the teacher that he had a cough.Born into a poor family,Bobby Decker didnt even have a warm coat.Quickly,we ran into the car,with our hearts beating wildly.They hugged each other tightly,tears rolling down their cheeks.Bobby Decker saw the coat,confused but excited.并列动作：34 That evening,Grandma helped me wrap the coat in Christmas paper.She asked me to write To Bobby,from Santa Claus”on it.Then we went to Bobby Deckers house.We parked our car,not faraway from his house,and we walked to his front door.Silently,I put the Christmas present down when Grandma knocked at his door.Quickly we ran into the car.Then we waited for him.Grade the story That evening,Grandm35 Grandma and I waited breathlessly for Bobby Decker s front door to open and finally it opened.Bobby Decker went out.When he saw the coat in the bag,he looked very surprised and then called his mother to go out.They hugged each other in tears and prayed to Santa Claus.I felt very proud of what I had done.At that time I decided to be Santas helper forever.That moment,I came to realize that Santa Claus is in everyones heart if he is willing to be one of his helpers.Grandma and I waited b36Letshaveatry!1.SheaskedmetowriteToBobby,fromSantaClaus”onit.ThenwewenttoBobbyDeckershouse.ShewroteToBobby,fromSantaClausonit,afterwhichshedrovemeovertoBobbyDeckershouse,explainingIwasofficiallyoneofSantashelpers.2.Weparkedourcar,notfarawayfromhishouse,andwewalkedtohisfrontdoor.GrandmaparkeddownthestreetfromBobbyshouse.Takingadeepbreath,Idashedforhisfrontdoor.GrandmaparkeddownthestreetfromBobbyshouse.Then,shegavemeanudge,whispering,“AllrightSantaClaus,getgoing”.Takingadeepbreath,Idashedforhisfrontdoor.Lets have a try!1.She asked 37Letshaveatry!3.Silently,I put the Christmas present down when Grandma knocked at his door.Quickly we ran into the car.Then we waited for him.Seeing no other people notice us,I put the Christmas present down,pounded his doorbell and then Grandma and I crept and hid in the car.Lets have a try!3.Silently,38Letshaveatry!1.Bobby Decker went out.Out went Bobby Decker./There stood Bobby Decker.2.When he saw the coat in the bag,he looked very surprised and then called his mother to go out.Seeing the coat in the bag,he put his hand over his mouth,dumbstruck.After a while,he yelled at his mother to go out.Lets have a try!1.Bobby Deck39Letshaveatry!3.TheyhuggedeachotherintearsandprayedtoSantaClaus.IfeltveryproudofwhatIhaddone.Theyhuggedeachotherintearsandafterhearingthemsay“thanks”toSantaClaus,IfeltveryproudofwhatIhaddone.4.Thatmoment,IcametorealizethatSantaClausisineveryonesheartifheiswillingtobeoneofhishelpers.ItwasthatnightthatIrealizedthetruththathewhohasnoChristmasinhisheartwillneverfindChristmasunderatree.ItwasthatnightthatIrealizedthoseawfulaboutSantaClauswerejustwhatGrandmasaidtheywere:.SantaClauswasdefinitelyaliveandwewereactuallyonhisteam.Lets have a try!3.They hugge40Appreciation:Appreciation:Para1:Thatevening,GrandmahelpedmewrapthecoatinChristmaspaper.ShewroteToBobby,fromSantaClausonit,afterwhichshedrovemeovertoBobbyDeckershouse,explainingIwasofficiallyoneofSantashelpers.GrandmaparkeddownthestreetfromBobbyshouse.Then,shegavemeanudge,whispering,“AllrightSantaClaus,getgoing”.Takingadeepbreath,Idashedforhisfrontdoor.Seeingnootherpeoplenoticeus,IputtheChristmaspresentdown,poundedhisdoorbellandthenGrandmaandIcreptandhidinthecar.Appreciation:41Appreciation:Appreciation:Para2:GrandmaandIwaitedbreathlesslyforBobbyDeckersfrontdoortoopenandfinallyitopened.OutwentBobbyDecker.Seeingthecoatinthebag,heputhishandoverhismouth,dumbstruck.Afterawhile,heyelledathismothertogoout.AfterhearingthemsaythankstoSantaClaus,IfeltveryproudofwhatIhaddone.AtthattimeIdecidedtobeSantashelperforever.ItwasthatnightthatthoseawfulaboutSantaClauswerejustwhatGrandmasaidtheywere:.SantaClauswasdefinitelyaliveandwewereactuallyonhisteam.Appreciation:42根据实际情况在文章中交替使用长句与短句，使得文章错落有致，根据实际情况在文章中交替使用长句与短句，使得文章错落有致，这样不仅使文章在形式上增加美感，而且使文章读起来铿锵有力，这样不仅使文章在形式上增加美感，而且使文章读起来铿锵有力，如如:Itookadeepbreath,rushedtohisfrontdoor,andputthepresentdown.ThenIrangthedoorbellandflewbacktothecar.Takingadeepbreath,Irushedtohisfrontdoor,andputtheChristmaspresentdown.Afterpoundinghisdoorbell,GrandmaandIcreptandhidinthecar.*2.Abundant sentence patterns小提示：结合使用长句与短句*2.Abundant s431)Afterpoundinghisdoorbell,GrandmaandIcreptandhidinthecar,feelingnervousbutexcited.Wecouldnttakeabreath.Afterpoundinghisdoorbell,GrandmaandIcreptandhidinthecar,feelingtoonervousandexcitedtotakeabreath.2)Theyfelttouchedandthrilled.AndtheycouldnthelphuggingeachotherintearsandprayedtoSantaClaus.Theyfeltsotouchedandthrilledthatthey.3)Whenhesawthecoatinthebag,helookedverysurprisedandthencalledhismothertogoout.Themomenthesawthecoatinthebag,heheputhishandoverhismouth,dumbstruck.Afterawhile,heyelledathismothertogoout.*2.Abundant sentence patterns小提示：恰当套用某些固定表达*2.Abundant 44二模考试作文讲评二模考试作文讲评二模考试作文讲评45本篇的情节构建本篇的情节构建-整体（面上）问题整体（面上）问题1.*本文出现的人物：本文出现的人物：三个孩子（三个孩子（TJ,Julie,Kim）,Kim父母，坏人父母，坏人？思考：？思考：主要人物主要人物是谁？如何在续写两段中发挥作用？是谁？如何在续写两段中发挥作用？主人公抓不准主人公抓不准造成情节发展或主题升华造成情节发展或主题升华跑偏跑偏（如首段从头至尾未出现（如首段从头至尾未出现TJ或主旨升华为父母感恩，对孩或主旨升华为父母感恩，对孩子的安全防护教育，或者子的安全防护教育，或者Kim的自我反思要做好自我防护等的自我反思要做好自我防护等都不恰当）都不恰当）2.情节发展走向情节发展走向离奇不合常理离奇不合常理（新颖不等同于离奇），出现（新颖不等同于离奇），出现很多不必要的很多不必要的“故事转折故事转折”？思考：为何不能在？思考：为何不能在badguy上做文章上做文章（如这个（如这个“坏人坏人”其实是亲戚或者父母的朋友或者丧子老人或其实是亲戚或者父母的朋友或者丧子老人或者好心人等等）者好心人等等）本篇的情节构建-整体（面上）问题1.*本文出现的人物46情节构建存在的具体问题情节构建存在的具体问题-第一段第一段关注：故事剧情应紧凑，叙事节奏快而不乱，切忌天马行空流水账。关注：故事剧情应紧凑，叙事节奏快而不乱，切忌天马行空流水账。1.首句衔接首句衔接：（1）父母与）父母与Kim的对话或者的对话或者Kim大段详细的过程描述大段详细的过程描述（2）父母的心情，焦虑，不知所措等，大段心理描写）父母的心情，焦虑，不知所措等，大段心理描写（3）父母的动作（冲出房间让）父母的动作（冲出房间让Julie带路）带路）+简短语言（体现急切、担忧）简短语言（体现急切、担忧）2.镜头切换：镜头切换：为与第二段首句为与第二段首句“atthatverymoment.”更好地衔接，第一段结尾更好地衔接，第一段结尾处一定是本篇续写的处一定是本篇续写的“重头戏重头戏”，也一定是故事的高潮部分（，也一定是故事的高潮部分（climax）（友情提示：第一段末尾无疑是描述追击劫匪，险象环生的情景，若结尾处能够（友情提示：第一段末尾无疑是描述追击劫匪，险象环生的情景，若结尾处能够写到局面马上不可控，即将危及孩子的人身安全就更好）写到局面马上不可控，即将危及孩子的人身安全就更好）3.conflict:(1)第一段结尾就危机解除了，或者是因为第一段结尾就危机解除了，或者是因为kim爹报警，或者因为爹报警，或者因为TJ大大声呼救得到路人帮助？声呼救得到路人帮助？（2）TJ捡起石头与坏人搏斗，有同学写打中坏人头，顺利制服坏人后捡起石头与坏人搏斗，有同学写打中坏人头，顺利制服坏人后Kim化险化险为夷；有同学写没有打中而是惹恼了坏人，坏人正要向为夷；有同学写没有打中而是惹恼了坏人，坏人正要向TJ发起进攻发起进攻.情节构建存在的具体问题-第一段关注：故事剧情应紧凑，叙事47情节构建存在的具体问题情节构建存在的具体问题-第二段第二段1.首句衔接首句衔接：Atthatverymoment,Kimsparentsarrived.（1）父母的动作）父母的动作（2）父母的语言）父母的语言（3）TJ或者或者Kim的呼救的呼救2.Kim的获救的获救:（1）父母、警察上场，成功解救）父母、警察上场，成功解救（2）TJ机智、勇敢，伺机成功带机智、勇敢，伺机成功带Kim逃离劫匪逃离劫匪3.结尾主题升华：结尾主题升华：父母的激动、感激父母的激动、感激父母的忏悔（多陪孩子；安全教育等）父母的忏悔（多陪孩子；安全教育等）Kim的反思（自我保护意识）的反思（自我保护意识）Julie的热心帮助的热心帮助TJ的机智、勇敢、无畏的美好品质的机智、勇敢、无畏的美好品质情节构建存在的具体问题-第二段1.首句衔接：At th48衔接衔接-第一段首句第一段首句衔接-第一段首句49衔接衔接-第一段首句第一段首句衔接-第一段首句50衔接衔接-第一段结尾第一段结尾衔接-第一段结尾51衔接衔接-第一段结尾第一段结尾衔接-第一段结尾52衔接衔接-第二段首句第二段首句衔接-第二段首句53Para1:“AbadguyjustpickedKimupandtookheraway!”yelledJulie.Kimsparentsweredumbstruckbythisshockingnewsbutthey,verysoon,cametothemselvesanddashedoutofthehousefollowingJulie.AtthesametimeTJwasrunningasfastashecoulduntilhefinallycaughtupwiththemaninthedeadendofthealley,whowastryingtopushthefrightenedpoorlittleKimintohisminivan.ItwasnoeasytasksinceKimwasstrugglingandfightingsohardwithallherstrength,cryingoutloudforhelpyettherewasnoonearoundexceptTJ.Withoutasecondofhesitation,TJthrewhimselfatthetallstrongguy,grabbedoneofhisarmsandbithimhard.ThemanfeltthepainandletgoofKim,buthewassoirritatedthatheturnedtoTJ.Para 1:“A bad guy just picked 54Para2：Atthatverymoment,Kimsparentsarrived.“Stop!Thepoliceareontheirway!”shoutedthefather.Seeingthathewascorneredandoutnumbered,theguypausedandthenstartedtostepbackinchbyinch,lookingaroundinanattempttofindhiswayout.Takingthischance,TJquicklytookthehandofKim,whowasstillingreatshockandfearwithtearsdownhercheeks,andrantowardsherparents.ThemomenttheywerehuggedbyKimsparents,thepolicearrivedandquicklytheyarrestedtheguy.“IwasjusttryingtodowhatIcouldtohelpmyfriend.”TJsaidshylywhenaskedlaterbyalocalpresshowcomehehadthecouragetodosomethingthisbrave.Para 2：At that very moment,Ki55人教版选修小说欣赏入门典范英语黑布林英语阅读高考真题完型填空加工再利用新高考写作高效提分教程-读后续写人教版选修小说欣赏入门 典范英语 优质资源推荐56
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