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Graduation without YouBy Samantha Halle “I was listening to the radio this morning. Dads were sharing moments during which they were so proud of their children; it brought tears to their eyes. My hand reached to change the station, but I was frozen I wanted to hear more of the love in their voices.”删去，与主题“graduation”没有关系，删去后主题更加明显。 Looking through tears at the cars in front of me, I thought about all the moments in the past few months that would have brought tears to my own dads eyes; the moments that would have made him proud.In one month, Ill graduate from high school the countdown to the end. “Its as if a domino was tapped.”句删除，与主题关系疏远，包含生词。 One by one, things are starting to end. And “, with each of my senior lasts”部分删除，“senior”为生词，句式存在语病。, Im one step closer to the “that surreal moment”改“the moment”，“surreal”为生词，且超纲。 moment thats played in my head for years and years: walking across that stage to graduate.Its a moment that the Class of 2010 has looked forward to since September; one that we have longed for on countless occasions. Whether viewed as an escape from our high school walls, or the harvest “culmination”改为“harvest”，“culmination”为生词，且超纲。 of years of projects, tests, and quizzes, graduation is a celebration of success a celebration in which youre surrounded by your teachers, family, and friends. But as the days inch closer and closer to June 18th, a fact that Ive known for seven and a half years has become increasingly more real: my dad wont be there.Its something Ive struggled（挣扎） 加注中文，“Struggle”为生词，关系到主题理解，易于主题的理解。with all year. For me, graduation stands for “is symbolic of ”改为“stands for”，“symbolic”为生词，且超纲。 all the things he has missed and will miss. Its knowing that he wont be there to watch me with his fill-the-room smile. That he wont be here to take an entire memory cards worth of pictures, and that the family pictures that are taken will feel incomplete. I wont get a bear hug while hearing him tell me how fast Ive grown up, and he cant purposefully play tricks on “embarrass”改为“play tricks on”，“embarrass”为生词。 me just for laughs. Nor can he talk with “brag to”改为“talk with”，brag to”为生词，且超纲。 his friends about my successes because he wasnt here to experience them with me.But its even more than all of that. Its realizing that he never knew me as a teenager, and will never know me as a grown-up “adult ”改为“grown-up”，“adult ”为生词。. That he will have missed all of my “graduations,” from primary “elementary”改为“primary”，“elementary”为生词，且超纲。, middle, and high school. Its the fact that Ive made decisions about my future and am moving on to create my own life. A life he will never know.Among “Amidst”改为“Among”，“Amidst”使用不规范。 all the excitement about graduating and moving on to new things is a “an underlying fear”改为“a fear”，“underlying”为超纲词汇，删去不影响主题理解。 fear. As much as Ive tried to hug “embrace”改为“hug”，“embrace”为生词，且超纲。 changes in my life, change still makes me uneasy. Despite all of the changes that have taken place “occurred”改为“taken place”，“occurred”为生词，替换易于主题的理解。 since he died more than seven years ago, these changes feel harder. It frightens “scares”改为“frightens”，“scares”为生词，替换易于主题的理解。 me to know that I will no longer be surrounded by my family on a day-to-day basis, nor will I be in an environment I know. Im worried that it will be easier for my memories of him to fade; Im frightened “terrified”改为“frightened”，“terrified”为生词，且超纲。 Ill begin to forget.As the years since my Dads death have grown in number, fewer and fewer of my friends are people who actually knew my Dad, and it frightens 同16。 me to think that moving on to college, and on with my life, will only make this worse. This, in itself, is a thought that has brought me to tears on countless occasions. “Most of my current friends never knew him to them, hes just a myriad of bits and pieces of memories; stories that are tied to a sad part of my life. Hes more of a myth than a real person, and”删去后与上一段合并，语意有重复，删去合并后主旨更加鲜明。It hurts to know that a day will come when most “The majority”改为“most”，“The majority”为生词，替换易于主题的理解。 of those whodidknow him will no longer be a part of my life.In 30 days Ill graduate wearing the last necklace Dad bought me with a picture of the two of us “taped on the inside of my cap”删去，与主题无关，“tap”为生词，且超纲。. And although Ill do small things like this to help keep us together “stay connected”改为“stay connected”，“connected”为生词，替换易于主题的理解。, it wont make up for the fact that hes not here. At the end of the day, it still wont be fair.Yet, I know Ive become the person I am because of my loss. And I know he would be proud! “.”改为“!”突出主题，丰富情感。 688words
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