英语幽默笑话

英语幽默笑话 1 学习笑话 开心不累 由于文化背景的不同 西方式的笑话幽默与东方式的往往差异较大 对于英语学习者而言 往往不易领会英语笑话的真 正含义所在 比如 I love animals they are delicious 这句话只有在英语世界中才有其可笑之处 因为对我们中国人而 言 几乎所有的动物皆可使用 这是中国饮食文化的一个方面 因此没什么可大惊小怪的 然而对于西方人而言 动物是 人类的亲密伙伴 动物同样有生存权及发展权 因此那位喜爱吃动物的食客才会沦为笑柄 笑话幽默是了解一种文化的一个途径和窗口 只有了解他们的文化 才能会心地笑出来 而当你同老外们交谈时 领会 其幽默之处无疑也是你必备的一种技能 不要等别人都笑出来之后你才反应过来 学习英文笑话 不仅可以让你了解他们的文化 与他们沟通更加顺畅 还可以增添你学习英语的乐趣 让你对英语逐渐 产生兴趣 而不是越学越烦 越学越难 此外 英文笑话里面有许多幽默机智的小对话 对口语学习非常有益 学习经典英文笑话 学说里面的精炼对话 用不 了多久 你的英语口语就将变得非常风趣幽默 你将成为最受欢迎的人 所有人都愿意和你交谈 所有人都乐意听你讲话 如果一个人说话毫无风趣可言 老外们必然会将你排除在他们朋友圈子之外 因为他们最最推崇的交友原则就是 这个人 必须幽默风趣 2 多说多练 风趣幽默 请跟随老师朗读并大胆讲给别人听 不要害羞 也不要害怕丢脸 因为这次丢脸是为了将来永远不丢脸 赶快行动起来 吧 1 Intelligent son 聪明的儿子 One day the father lets eight year old son send a letter the son took the letter the father then remembered didn t write the address and addressee s name on the envelope After the son comes back the father asks him You have thrown the letter in the mail box Certainly You have not seen on the envelope not to write the address and the addressee name I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope Then why you didn t take it back I also thought that you do not write the address and the addressee is for does not want to let me know that you do send the letter to who 有一天 父亲让八岁的儿子去寄一封信 儿子已经拿着信跑了 父亲才想起信封上没写地址和收信人的名字 儿子回来后 父亲问他 你把信丢进邮筒了吗 当然 你没看见信封上没有写地址和收信人名字吗 我当然看见信封上什么也没写 那你为什么不拿回来呢 我还以为你不写地址和收信人 是为了不想让我知道你把信寄给谁呢 2 Sharing the Apples 分苹果 Harry was given two apples a small one and a large one by his Mum Share them with your sister she said So Harry gave the small one to his little sister and started touching into the large one Cor said his sister If Mum had given them to me I d have given you the large one and had the small one myself Well said Harry that s what you ve got so what are you worrying about 妈妈给了哈里两个苹果 一个大一点 另一个小点儿 跟妹妹分着吃 妈妈说 所以 哈里就把小个的给了妹妹 自己开始啃那个大个的 哼 妹妹说 如果妈妈给了我 我会把大的给你 把小的留给自己的 对呀 哈里说 你拿到的不就是小的吗 还着什么急呀 3 Snorer 瞌睡者 The preacher was vexed 生气的 because a certain member of his congregation 集会 圣会 always fell asleep during the sermon As the man was snoring in the front row one Sunday the preacher determined he would teach him not to sleep during the sermon So in a whisper he asked the congregation All who want to go to heaven please rise Everyone got up except the snorer After whispering Be seated the minister shouted at the top of his voiced All those who want to be with the devil please rise Awaking with a start 吓一跳 the sleepy head jumped to his feet and saw the preacher standing tall and angry in the pulpit 讲道坛 Well sir he said I don t know what we re voting on but it looks like you and me are the only ones for it 牧师非常生气 因为总有一个人在他说教时打瞌睡 一个星期天 正当坐在前排的那个人又在瞌睡时 牧师决定要好好教育他一下 让他不要再在布道时睡觉 于是他低声对 信徒们说 想去天堂的人 都请站起来吧 所有的人都站了起来 当然 除了那个打瞌睡的人 在低声说过请坐后 牧师高声喊道 想去下地狱的人请站起来 打瞌睡的人被这突然的喊叫声惊醒了 他站了起来 看到牧师高站在教坛上 正生气的看着他 这个人说道 噢 先生 我不知道我们在选什么 但看上去只有你和我是候选人 4 Two Pieces of Cake 两块蛋糕 Tom Mom can I have two pieces of cake please Mom Certainly take this piece and cut it two 汤姆 妈妈 我可以吃两块蛋糕吗 妈妈 当然可以 拿这块蛋糕把它切成两块吧 5 A Gentle Reminder 委婉提醒 Having been married a long time my husband sometimes needs a gentle reminder of a special occasion On the morning of our 35th anniversary we were sitting at the breakfast table when I hinted Honey do you realize that we ve been sitting in these same two seats for exactly 35 years Putting down the newspaper he looked straight at me and said So you want to switch seats 婚后已久 我丈夫往往在一个特别事情上需要委婉的提醒 在我们结婚 35 周年纪念的早上 我们正坐在早餐桌旁 我暗 示道 亲爱的 你意识到我们在这两个相同的座位上已坐了整整 35 年了吗 他放下报纸 眼睛直直地望着我 因此 你想交换座位吗 6 It s not my fault 不是我的错 Mother reprimanding 训斥 谴责 her small daughter You mustn t pull the cat s tail Daughter I m only holding it Mom The cat s doing the pulling 妈妈 正教训她的女儿 你不该拽猫的尾巴 女儿 妈 我只是握着猫尾巴 它自己在拽 7 一分一块钱 A dollar per point A professor was giving a big test one day to his students He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a 100 bill to his test with a note saying A dollar per point The next class the professor handed the tests back out This student got back his test and 64 change 一天 教授正在给学生们监考 他发下试卷 然后回到讲台前等待 考试结束了 学生们纷纷交回试卷 教授发现一张试卷上别着一张百元钞票 还有一张纸条写着 一分一块钱 第二堂课 教授把试卷都发回学生们手中 其中一个学生不但得到了试卷还得到 64 块钱的找零 8 To Buy a Video 买录像机 Amos asked his mother whether they could have a video I m afraid we can t afford one sighed his mother But on the following day in came Amos staggering beneath the weight of a brand new video How on earth did you pay for that gasped his mother Easy Mum replied Amos I sold the television 艾莫斯问妈妈他们是否能买一台录像机 恐怕我们还买不起 妈妈叹息着说 可第二天当艾莫斯回来时 他摇摇晃晃地搬着一台全新的录像机 你究竟是哪儿来的钱买这东西 妈妈大吃一惊 喘着气说 妈妈 这简单 艾曼斯回答 我把电视机给卖了 9 Does He Bite 它咬人吗 Reggie We have got a new dog Would you like to come around and play with him Ron Well I don t know does he bite Reggie That s what I want to find out 里基 我们又得到了一条新狗 你愿意过来和他玩一会吗 罗恩 嗯 我不知道 它咬人吗 里基 这正是我想要查明的 10 Birthday 生日 Professor When is your birthday Kid May 30 Professor Which year Kid Every year 教授 你的生日是什么时候 孩子 5 月 30 日 教授 哪一年 孩子 每年都是 11 How to Become Rich 如何致富 Little brother I saw you kiss my elder sister and if you don t give me a nickel I ll tell my father Sister s boyfriend No don t do that Here s a nickel Little brother That makes a buck and a quarter I ve made this month 弟弟 我看见你亲我姐姐了 如果你不给我五分钱 我就告诉我爸 姐姐的男朋友 不要那样做 给你五分钱 弟弟 我这个月已经赚了一块两毛五了 12 I m Glad 我很高兴 A Sunday school teacher was telling her pupils the importance of making others glad Now children said she has anyone of you ever made someone else glad Please teacher said a small boy I ve made someone glad yesterday Well done Who was that My granny Good boy Now tell us how you made your grand mother glad Please teacher I went to see her yesterday and stayed with her three hours Then I said to her Granny I m going home and she said Well I m glad 一个主日学校的老师正在对学生讲使别人高兴的重要性 现在 孩子们 她说 你们当中有谁让别人高兴过 我 老师 一个小男孩说 昨天我就使别人高兴过 做得好 是谁呢 我奶奶 好孩子 现在告诉我们 你是怎样使你奶奶高兴的 是这样的 老师 我昨天去看她 在她那儿呆了三个小时 然后我跟她说 奶奶 我要回家了 她说 啊 我很高兴 13 What Color 什么颜色 An impoverished graduate student at Clemson University in South Carolina I was excited when my father informed me that he had bought me a car Hardly able to contain my enthusiasm I asked Dad the typical questions What kind is it Does it have a stick shift Does it have a tape deck It s a 1982 Toyota he replied It s a four speed and yes it has a tape deck Pleased I asked what color it was Well he said uncomfortably which part 作为南卡罗莱那州克莱姆森大学的一个本科生 我囊中羞涩 当我父亲告诉我他为我买了辆车时 我甚是激动 我几乎控 制不住我的热情 问了爸爸几个关键问题 什么车 有没有手排挡 有没有磁带舱 是 1982 年产丰田车 他回答说 四速 还有 是的 有磁带舱 我甚是高兴 又问是什么颜色的 哦 他很不舒服地说 你指哪一部分 14 One Side of the Case 一面之辞 A judge asked our group of potential jurors whether anyone should be excused and one man raised his hand I can t hear out of my left ear the man told the judge Can you hear out of your right ear the judge asked The man nodded his head You ll be allowed to serve on the jury the judge declared We only listen to one side of the case at a time 一位法官问我们这群修补陪审员是否有人应当免权 一个人举起了手 我的左耳听不见 那人告诉法官 你的右边耳朵听得见吗 法官问道 那人点了点头 你将被允许加入陪审团 法官宣布 我们每次只听一面之辞 15 Day after Day 日复一日 A teacher was always so involved in the text being studied that he never looked up He would call on a student for translation and explanation and without realizing it he often chose the same student day after day Out of respect the student wouldn t point this out to him After being called on four days in a row a student named Goldberg asked advice from his friends The next day when the teacher said Goldberg translate and explain Goldberg replied Goldberg is absent today All right said the teacher YOU translate and explain 一位老师对所讲课文总是非常投入 从不抬头 他常让一个学生来翻译和解释 并且 不自觉地 他常日复一日地叫同 一个学生 出于尊敬 学生并不给他指出这一点 一个叫古德伯格的学生 在被一连叫了四天之后 向他的朋友寻求建议 第二天 这位教师又说 古德伯格 翻译并解 释 古德伯格回答说 古德伯格今天缺席 那好吧 教师说 那就你来翻译并解释 16 A Vacation Cruise 假日巡航游 One stupid guy reads an ad about a vacation cruise that costs only 100 After he signs up and pays the travel agent hits him with a bat knocks him unconscious and throws him out the back door into the river Soon another guy comes in pays his fee and gets the same treatment Fifteen minutes later as the two are floating down the river together the first man says I wonder if they re serving any food on this cruise I don t know the second guy replied They didn t last year 一愚笨之人读到一则假日巡航游只须花 100 元的广告 在他签了字付了款后 旅游经纪人用棒猛击了他一下 把他打昏了 过去 并把他从后门扔进了河里 不久又来了一个人 付了钱并得到了相同的待遇 十五分钟后 这两个人一起向河的 下游漂去 第一个人说 不知道他们这次巡航游是否提供食物 不知道 第二个人说道 去年是没有的 17 A Girl s Name 女孩的名字 When our daughter was born we named her Myles after my beloved late 已故的 father despite family warning that the name was too masculine 男性的 Years later when I felt she was old enough to understand I explained to Myles Your name is very special I named you after my own father because I loved him very much I know he would be proud of you Myles thought carefully about this and then said I know all that Mom But I don t understand why my grandfather had a girl s name 女儿出生时 我们给她取名叫迈尔斯 和我深爱的业已过世的父亲同一个名字 不过家人提醒这个名字太男性化了 几年以后 我觉得迈尔斯已经长大 能够懂事了 我对她解释说 你的名字很特别 我给你取了一个和我爸爸一样的名字 因为我非常爱他 我相信他会为你而深感自豪的 迈尔斯很仔细地想了一下 然后说道 这些我都懂 妈妈 可是我不知道外公为什么会有一个女孩子的名字 18 roast pig 烤乳猪 A gentleman was invited for dinner When he hurried there and sat down he was happy to see a roast pig in front of his seat Not bad I am next to the pig But then he noticed the angry fat lady sitting next to him He faked a smile and added Oh I am sorry I meant the roasted one on the table 一位先生去赴宴迟到了 匆忙入座后 发现自己的座位正对着乳猪 于是大为高兴的说 还不错 我坐在乳猪的旁边 这时才发现身旁的一位胖女士正怒目相视 他忙陪笑改口到 对不起 我说的是那只烤好的 19 你太晚了 You Are Too Late On the bus a man discovered a pickpocket s hand thrust into his pocket sorry he said to the pickpocket you are too late My wife did it before you 在公共汽车上一人发现一个小偷把手伸到了他的口袋里 对不起 他对小偷说 你太晚了 我妻子在你之前就做过同样的事情了 20 I Could Do It Slower 我可以干得慢一些 Patient What do you charge for pulling a tooth Dentist Fifty dollars Patient Fifty dollars for a couple of minutes work Dentist Well I could do it slower if you like 病人 拔一颗牙收费多少 牙医 50 美元 病人 只几分钟的活儿就要 50 美元 牙医 好的 如果你喜欢的话 我可以干得慢一些