《孔雀东南飞》（英文搞笑话剧）.doc

其他范文/相声小品剧本 孔雀东南飞（英文搞笑话剧） wanderseveryfivemiles焦仲卿johnny(jforshort)刘兰芝lunch(lforshort)焦母johnnysmother(jmforshort)刘母lunchsmother(lmforshort)太守之子mayorsson(msforshort)强盗burglars(abandc)prologue(j作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,j被打中,狼狈不堪)j:everybodysaysthatimhenpecked,butinfact,imasstrongasatiger,(小声)whilemywifeiswusong.(指着上台处的门大声道)imnotafraidofyou!(内砸出一脸盆,接住当成盾牌护着头)then,imafraidofwhom?mywifelunchisthemostfamouswomanintheneighbor-hood.sheisbraverthanme,smarterthanmeandstrongerthanme.allthisidonotcare.ionlywanthertobetenderthanme.butsheisnot!havingawifelikethisisjustlikelivinginthehell!(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中j)mygod!whocanhelpme?(下)act1(序幕结束时,jm作窃听状)jm(拄拐棍上):ican!(对门内)lunch!lunch!whereareyou?l(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):imhere!whatsupmum?jm:ivetoldyouagainandagainthatyoushouldcallme“mymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother-in-law”.l:ok.mymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother-in-law,whatsup?jm:sinceyoumarriedmysonyouhavebehavedsobadly.youhavebeensorude,sobrusque,solazyl:butjm:neverinterruptme!l:neverinterruptme!sinceimarriedyourson,thatterriblejohnny,ihavebeenworkinghardalldaylong,cookingandwashing.ihaveraisedtensofthousandsofpigsandducksandchickenandjm:butallthoseyouhavedonearenotasvaluableasagrandson!l(生气地挥动着锅铲):oh,youwantagrandson,dontyou?(开始解围裙)goandaskyourson.imleaving!(扯下围裙,扔在jm的脸上,下)act2(lm坐在台上打毛线,l拿着锅铲上)l:mum,imback!lm:youareback?why?whathappened?l:iwaskickedoutbymymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmotherin-law.lm(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):see!ihavealreadytoldyou!whenyouinsistedonmarryingthatterriblejohnny,itoldyouthatheisuglystupidandpoor,butyoudidnotlistentome.lookatyourselfl:but,mumlm:neverinterruptme!l:mum,imnotinterruptingyou.ijustwanttotellyouthatyouarealwaysrightok?andillmarrywhomeveryouwantmeto.lm(大喜):nicegirl!justnow,imetthemayorssoninthemarket.hesaid:“ifyoudaughterhaventbeenmarried,ireallyreallywanttomarryher!”nowyouarefreeagain,illgoandtellhim.(下)l(惊愕):what?themayorsson?themostfamousplayboyintheneighbor-hood?(手中的锅铲掉在地上)whatasillythingihavedone!(下)act3(j睡眼惺忪上)j(边走边道):lunch!lunch!wherearemysocks?(走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)heretheyare!(闻一下) er!howsmelly!theyarestilldirty!(突然想起)lunchhasgone!ihavetowashthemmyself.(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)oh,imsohungry!buttheresnobreakfast!(捡起地上的围 裙)thisiswhatlunchalwayswears!imisshersomuch,andherexcellentcookingskill!nowshehasgone.ihavetocookformymotherandmyself.jm(上):wheresmybreakfast?whereslunch?hasntshegotupyet?j:mum,cantyouremember?lunchhasgone!jm(沉吟片刻):well,totellyouthetruthjohnny,asonwithoutawifeisuseless.lunchisanicegirl,goandtakeherback!j(立正敬礼):yesmadam!act4(j开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗)a:heyyou!stopandlistentous!theroadisbuiltbyme!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)b:andiplantedonetree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)c:ifyouwanttogobythisstreet-(欲踩石头，但踩到了a的脚)abc:giveusallyourmoney!j(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出角硬币):is1maoenough?(三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量)a:whatbadluck!thisguyisbroken!b:ifwecannotrobanymoneytoday,wewillhavenothingtoeattonight!c:iheardthatthemayorssonisgoingtomarrymissliulanzhinextmonth.wecangoandrobthewedding!ab:goodidea!j(惊讶):what?what?lunchisgoingtogetmarried?itsimpossible!abc:why?aprettygirlandarichman,whatagoodcouple!j:butlunchismywife!wehaventgotdivorcedyet!(突然有了主意)ivegotanidea!youaregoingtorobthewedding,dontyou?illgowithyou.youtakethemoneyanditakethebride.b:haveyougotanyexperience?j:no.butivegotthis!(j脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书，)act5(转眼已到了婚礼之期ms意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，j盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台)(j和三强盗跃至台中)abcj:heyyou!stopandlistentous!a:theroadisbuiltbyme!b:andiplantedonetree.c:ifyouwanttogobythisstreet-j:giveusallyourmoney!(l听到j的声音，掀起了盖头)l(惊喜万分):johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到j的身边并躲到了的身后)(ms大怒，挥拳向j打来j矮身一躲，ms打中了j身后的l，l晕倒)j(火冒三丈):howdareyoubeatmywife!（挥拳向ms冲去）(j与ms混战，jm上，以拐杖击晕ms)(j将ms胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前)j(扶起l，关切地问):honey,howareyou?l(哭状):ihurtalot!j:dontcrybaby.illgoandfetchthemedicine. (下)l(起身去追):waitforme! (跑下)(音乐起 canyoucelebrate)