friends老友记第三季剧本doc

word老友记-Friends剧本第三季301 The One With the Princess Leia FantasyScene Central Perk, the whole gang is enteringJoey: Im tellin ya that girl totally winked at me.All: Did not, she did not wink at you. (sees that their sacred couch is occupied by strangers) .Chandler: Huh. (They all leave, dejected) Opening CreditsScene: Rachel and Monicas, Phoebe, Ross, and Rachel are eating breakfast.Ross: I have to say Tupolo Honey by Van Morrison.Rachel: Nooo Way! The most romantic song ever is The Way We Were.Phoebe: See, I-I think that one that Elton John wrote for, um, that guy on Whos The Boss.Rachel: What song was that, Pheebs?Phoebe: (singing) Hold me close, young Tony Dan-za.(Monica enters from her bedroom) Phoebe: Hi Monica!Ross: Hey Mon!Rachel: Hey Mon!(she just walks straight into the bathroom) Phoebe: Oh my God, has she slept at all?Ross: Nope.Rachel: No, its been three nights in a row.Ross: Yeah, she finally stopped crying yesterday, but then she found one of Richards cigar butts out on the terrace, so.Phoebe: Oh, okay that explains it. I got a call at two in the morning, but all I could hear was, like, this high squeaky sound, so I thought okay its like a mouse or a opossum. But then I realized where would a mouse or a opossum get the money to make the phone call.Scene: Chandler and Joeys, Joey is ing in from the bedroomChandler: Morning.Joey: Morning, hey, you made pancakes?Chandler: Yeah, like theres any way I could ever do that.Janice: (entering and singing) Monica and Rachel had syrup, now I can get my man to cheer up. (laughs hysterically) Good morning Joey.Joey: (sarcastically) Good morning.Chandler: Hey, you know what, heres a thought. Why dont you stay home from work today and just hang out with me.Janice: Oh, I wish. Look, honey, you have that report to finish, and I gotta go see my lawyer. Chandler: I can not believe that I am going out with someone that is getting divorced. Im such a grown up.Janice: (laughs) I-I-I gotta go, I gotta go. Okay, not without a kiss.Chandler: Well, maybe I wont kiss you, and then youll have to stay.Joey: (under his breath) Kiss her! Kiss her!Janice: Ill see you later, sweetie. Bye Joey.Joey: B-bye Janice. So when ya dumpin her.Chandler: Nope, not this time.Joey: e on, quite yankin me.Chandler: Im not yanking you.Joey: This is Janice.Chandler: Yeah, I know. She makes me happy.Joey: Okay. All right. You look me in the eye and tell me, without blinking, that youre not breaking up with her. No blinking.Chandler: (looks him in the eye) Im not breaking up with her! (they stare at each other for a while, then Joey blows in his face) Scene: Rachel and Monicas, Monica is entering from the bathroom.Monica: God, look what I found in the drain.Rachel: What?!Monica: Its some of Richards hair! (holds it close to Ross) What do I do with this?Ross: Getting it away from me would be job one.Monica: Its weird, but you know what I dont wanna throw this away. I mean this is like all I have left of him, gross, drain hair. Ooh! (drops it in Rosss cereal) Phoebe: Ooh. Oh. It looks like, like a tiny little person drowning in your cereal. (Ross gives her this look, like Yeah, doesnt it, and gets up to dump it down the drain.) Monica: God, what is wrong with me.Ross: You need to get some sleep.Monica: I need to get some Richard.Rachel: Monica, you broke up with him for a reason.Monica: I know, I know. Im just so tired of-of missing him. Im tired of wondering why hasnt he called. Why hasnt he called!Phoebe: Maybe, because you told him not to.Monica: What are you the memory woman?Joey: (entering) Their not breaking up. Chandler and Janice. Their not breaking up. He didnt blink or anything.Rachel: Well, you know Im not surprised. I mean have you seen them together, theyre really cute.Joey: Cute! This is Janice! You remember Janice?Rachel: Yes, Joey, I remember, shes annoying, but you know what shes-shes his girlfriend now. I mean what can we do?Joey: There you go! Thats the spirit Im looking for! What can we do? Huh? All right whos first? Huh? Ross?Ross: Well Im thinking that Chandlers our friend and Janice makes him happy, so I say we just all be adult about it and accept her.Joey: Yeah, well call that Plan B. All right?Scene: Rosss bedroom, Ross is working and Rachel is reading a book in bedRachel: (she leans over and kisses him on the cheek) Honey, I was wondering.Ross: Hmm?Rachel: Do you still have that, um, Navy uniform?Ross: Nooo, I had to return it to the costume place.Rachel: Hmm.Ross: I think I have an old band uniform from high school.Rachel: You remember not having sex in high school, right?Ross: Yeah.Rachel: Well honey, what about you?Ross: What?Rachel: I mean do you have any fun, you know, fantasy type things?Ross: No.Rachel: e on you gotta have one!Ross: Nope.Rachel: Ross, you know what.Ross: What?Rachel: .if you tell me, I might do it.Ross: Okay, umm. Did you ever see, um, Return Of The Jedi?Rachel: Yeah.Ross: Do you remember the scene with, um, Jabba the Hut? Well Jabba had as, as his prisoner, um, Princess Leia. Rachel: Oooh!Ross: Princess Leia, was wearing this, um, gold bikini thing. It was pretty cool.Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are therePhoebe: Yeah, oh, Princess Leia and the gold bikini, every guy our age loved that.Rachel: Really!Phoebe: Um, um. Its huge. Yeah, thats the moment, when-when, you know she stopped being a princess, and became, like, a woman, you know.Rachel: Did you ever do the-the Leia thing?Phoebe: Oh, yeah, um-mm. Oh!Rachel: Really! That-that great huh?Phoebe: No its just that I got this new pager and I have it on vibrate. See ya!Ross: (entering with Monica in tow) Hey!Rachel: Hi you guys!Ross: Look who I found standing outside of the Szechwan Dragon staring at a parking meter.Rachel: Mon. Hi! Monica: Hi.Rachel: Why arent you at work?Monica: Oh, they-they sent me home.Rachel: Why?Monica: Because I dont work at the Szechwan Dragon.Ross: Okay.Rachel: You really, really need to get some sleep, honey.Monica: I know I do.Ross: Hi.Rachel: Hi.Ross: Guess what?Rachel: What?Ross: They published my paper.Rachel: Oh, really, let me see, let me see.Phoebe: Rach, look! (she holds two buns up to her ears to make her hair look like the Princess Leia do.) Oh, hi! Where is my strong Ross Skywalker to e rescue me. (Ross stands up horrified) There he is.Scene: Chandler and Joeys, Joey is watching Wheel of Fortune, the puzzle is showing _oun_ Rush_ore.Chandler entersChandler: Hey!Joey: Wheel!Chandler: Of!Joey: Fortune! This guy is so stupid. (yelling) Its Count Rushmore!Chandler: You know, you should really go on this show. All right, listen, I got three tickets to the Rangers tonight. Whatd ya say?Joey: I say, I am there! Cool! Aw, is Ross going to?Chandler: No, Janice.Joey: Jan-ice. Cause I, just, I feel bad for Ross, you know, we-we always go together, were like the three hocke-teers.Chandler: You know, I may be way out on a limb here, but do you, do you, have a problem with Janice?Joey: No, Yeeees. God, how do I say this. (walks into the kitchen, Chandler follows closely, he turns around and gets startled) . Oh, hi, you know that girl from the Greek restaurant with the hair (holds his hands up to signify she has big hair) ?Chandler: Ooh, that girl that I hate, eww, drives me crazy, eww, eww, oh!Joey: Look, I dont hate Janice, shes-shes just a lot to take, you know.Chandler: Well, there you go.Joey: Oh, hey. e on man, dont look at me like that, she used to drive you nuts before too, remember?Chandler: Well, Im crazy about her now. I think this could be the real thing. Capital R! Capital T! (Joey stares at him) Dont worry, those are the right letters.Joey: Look, what do you want me to say?Chandler: I want you to say that you like her!Joey: I cant. Its like this chemical thing, you know. Every time she starts laughing, I just wanna (grimaces and tenses up) pull my arm off just so that I can have something to throw at her. Chandler: Thanks for trying. (grabs the ticket and starts to leave) Oh, and by the way there is no Count Rushmore!Joey: Yeah, then-then whos the guy that painted the faces on the mountain? (Chandler gives him a look like You stupid idiot!) mercial BreakScene: Monica and Rachels, Rachel and Ross are enteringRoss: How could you have told her? Rachel: Ross, I didnt think it would that big of a deal.Ross: Oh, she didnt think it would be that big of deal.Rachel: Okay, who are you talking to when you do that?Ross: Look, that was supposed to be like a private, personal thing between us.Rachel: Okay, Ross, Phoebe is my girlfriend, okay, we tell each other everything. You know, I mean, e on, guys do the same thing, I mean, what about all that locker room stuff.Ross: Thats different, okay. Thats like, uh Who dated a stripper? or Who did it on the back of the Staton Island Ferry?.Rachel: Were both of those Joey?Ross: Yeah. Look, you dont, you dont talk about like, you know, your girlfriend and the intimate stuff you, you do with her.Rachel: Not even with your best friend.Ross: Noo!Rachel: That is so sad. Your missing out on so much, Ross. I mean, the bonding and the sharing, you know. And-and knowing that someone else is going through the same thing you are.Ross: Hmph. So what you, you tell each other everything?Rachel: Pretty much.Ross: Did you talk about the night of five times? Do you tell people about the night of five times? Rachel: Uh, honey, yeah that was with Carol.Ross: I know, but its still worth mentioning, I think.Scene: Monicas bedroom, Phoebe is trying to relax her.Phoebe: ( in a soothing voice) Relax every muscle in your body. Listen to the plinky-plunky music. Okay, now close you eyes, and think of a happy place. Okay, tell me your happy place.Monica: Richards living room, drinking wine.Phoebe: All right. No, no, no, not a Richard thing, just put down the glass. And get out!Monica: Im sorry, but thats my happy place.Phoebe: Well, okay, fine, use my happy place. Okay, Im just gonna, I have to ask that you dont move anything.Monica: All right, Ill try not to.Phoebe: Okay, all right, so, your in a meadow, millions of stars in the sky.Monica: Do you think breaking up with him was a huge mistake?Phoebe: All right, there are no questions in the happy place. Okay, just, the warm breeze, and the moonlight flowing through the trees.Monica: Ill bet hes totally over me, Ill bet hes fine.Phoebe: All right, betting and wagering of any kind, are, Im sure, not permitted in the happy place. Okay. Just-just, you know, the-the lovely waterfalls, and the, the trickling fountains. And the-the calming sounds of the babbling brook.Monica: Okay, this isnt working. Im still awake and now I have to pee.Scene: Chandler and JoeysJanice: So, I hear, you hate me!Joey: I, ah, I never said hate, I was very careful about that.Janice: A little birdie told me something about you wanting to rip your arm off and throw it at me.Joey: And you got a hate from that?! Your taking a big leap there.Janice: All right, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, weve got to do something about our little situation here Joey. So, this is my idea: you and me spending some quality time together.Joey: But what does that gonna do.Janice: For Chandler!Joey: Okay. Im in.Janice: Okay. All right. This is what were gonna call it: Joey and Janices DAY OF FUN!Joey: Does it have to be a whole day?Janice: Yes, because thats how long it takes to love me.Joey: Yeah, I know, I sleep in the next room.Scene: Central Perk, Rachel and Monica are enteringMonica: (crying) So, I went down to the post office, and it turns out it was those videos that I ordered for Richard about the Civil War. He loved the Civ)l War.Phoebe: Monica, do you want us to take you home?Monica: Uh, huh. (to Ross) Or maybe to a galaxy far, far away. (Rachel, Monica, and Phoebe leave) Ross: Women tell each other everything. Did you know that?Chandler: Umm, yeah.Ross: No Chandler, everything! Like stuff you like, stuff she likes, technique, stamina, girth.Chandler: Girth? Why, why, why, wh-why, why, why, why would they do this? Ross: Rachel says sharings great and supposedly, you know, we outta be doing it. Do you wanna?Chandler: Were not gonna talk about girth are we?Ross: Nooo!Chandler: Yeah, okay.Ross: Yeah?Chandler: Yeah! All right! You go first.Ross: Okay, okay, Ill go first.Chandler: Okay.Ross: So, uh, the other night Rachel and I are in bed talking about fantasies, and I happened to describe a particular Star Wars thing.Chandler: Princess Leia in the gold bikini.Ross: Yes! Chandler: I know!Ross: Yes! Wow, well, that-that was easy. Okay, you-you go.Chandler: Okay.Ross: Okay.Chandler: Okay, you know, you know when your in bed, with a woman.Ross: Hmph.Chandler: And, ah, you know, your fooling around with her. And you get all these like, mental images in your brain, you know, like Elle MacPherson, or that girl at the Xerox place.Ross: With the belly-button ring? Oh, muhawa!Chandler: I know, And then all of the sudden your Mom pops into your head. And your like Mom, get outta here! You know, but of course, like, after that you cant possibly think of anything else, and you cant, you know, stop what your doing. So its kinda like, youre, you know. You know. (Ross just stares at him) . You dont know!Ross: Your Mom, your telling me, your telling me, about your Mom, what is the matter with you?Chandler: You said.Ross: I said share not scare. Go sit over there! (Chandler goes over and sits at a table and puts his head down) .Scene: Chandler and Joeys, Joey and Janice are returning from their DAY OF FUN!Janice: Were baack!Joey: Hey!Chandler: What are you guys doing together?Janice: Joey and Janices DAY OF FUN! (laughs) Chandler: Really.Joey: Yeah, yeah. We went to a Mets game, we got Chinese food, and you know, I love this woman. You have got petition buddy.Janice: I just came by to give you a kiss, I have to go pick up the baby, so. Ill see you later sweetheart, you too Chandler. (laughs) Chandler: You still cant stand her can you?Joey: Im sorry man, I tired, I really did.Chandler: Well, you know, I appreciate you giving it a shot.Joey: But, hey, look, you know the good thing is, is that we spent the whole day together and I survived, and whats even more amazing, so did she. It was bat day at Shea Stadium.Chandler: Well, I guess thats something.Joey: No man, thats huge! Now, I know I can stand to be around her, which means I get to hang out with you, which is kinda the whole point, anyway.Chandler: Okay.Joey: Oh, hey, Chandler, we, ah, we stopped by the coffee shop and ran into Ross.Chandler: Oh God!Joey: Hey, if it makes you feel any better, I do it too.Chandler: Really?Joey: Oh yeah, I always picture your Mom when Im having sex.Scene: Rachel and Monicas, Monica is watching the Civil War videosVideo:April Twelve, Eighteen hundred, Sixty-One (Monica lights Richards cigar butt) , 4:30 A.M. on Tuesday, the United States garrison at Fort Sumter was fired upon (knock on door) it is now under bombardment by. (Monica answers the door) Monica: Hi, Dad, what are you doing here?Mr. Geller: Well, its your mothers bridge night so I thought that I would e into the city for a little Monicuddle. (hugs her) Since when did you start smoking cigars?Monica: I dont, I just, I just like the smell of them. So, uh, what are you really doing here Dad?Mr. Geller: Well, I just wanted to make sure you were okay.Monica: What makes you think that I might not be okay?Mr. Geller: I saw Richard.Monica: Oh.Mr. Geller: So, how are you doing?Monica: Im fine, just a little tired, Im okay. Hows Richard doing?Mr. Geller: You dont wanna know.Monica: No, I really, really do.Mr. Geller: Well, hes doing terrible!Monica: Really!Mr. Geller: Worse than when he broke up with Barbara.Monica: Youre not just saying that are you?Mr. Geller: No, the man is a mess.Monica: Was he crying?Mr. Geller: No.Monica: Well, do you think he was waiting til after you left, so he could cry?Mr. Geller: Maybe.Monica: I think so.Mr. Geller: Honey, relationships are hard. Like with your Mom and me. You know after we graduated college we broke up for a while. It seems her Father, your Grandfather, wanted her to travel around Europe, like he did. Of course, he got to do it on Uncle Sams nickel, because he was also strafing German troop trains at the time. However, (turns around and sees that Monica is sleeping and puts a blanket around her, kisses her, picks up the cigar, and starts watching the video) Closing CreditsScene: Rosss bedroom, Ross is humming the Star Wars theme. Rachel enters, with her hair done up like Princess Leias, and wearing a belly dancers outfit, to simulate the gold bikini thing.Rachel: Okay, here we go. Im Jabbas prisoner, and you have a really weird look on your face. What? Honey, what is it? Did I get it wrong? Did I get the hair wrong? What? Did you just picture it differently? What? What?Ross: No, no its, um, its not you, um, its um, its (turns and sees his Mom standing where Rachel is) Mrs. Geller: Well what is it? e on sweetie, your like, freaking me out here.Ross: I hate Chandler, the bastard ruined my life. (Rachel starts looking around and down, with a What the hell is going on? look on her face.) End302 The One Where No-ones Ready Scene: Rachel and Monicas, everyone is getting ready to go to a banquetJoey: All right they got water, orange juice, and what looks like cider. (takes a glass from the fridge.) Chandler: Taste it.Joey: (drinks from the glass and puts it back in the fridge) Yep, its fat. I drank fat!Chandler: Yeah, I know, I did that two minutes ago.Ross: (entering) Hey!Chandler: Hey, mister tux!Ross: Why arent you guys dressed?Joey: We have a half hour.Ross: No, four minutes ago you had a half hour, we have to be out the door at twenty to eight. Joey: Relax Ross, well be ready. It only takes us two minutes to get dressed.Ross: Well, you know, Id feel a whole lot better if you got dressed now.Chandler and Joey: Okay. (they dont move) Rachel: (entering from bathroom) Hey-hey! Oh, look at you, all sexy.Ross: Really.Rachel: Ooooh! Wow! Oh, hi.Ross: Hi.Rachel: How e you didnt e over earlier?Ross: Cause, Im a stupid, stupid man.Joey: Hey, Ross, want some cider?Ross: No. (to Rachel) So, um, lets see your pretty close, huh. Make-ups on, hairs done. Rachel: Yeah, I just have to get dressed.Ross: Yay! And that takes what? Just six or seven minutes.Rachel: Yeah! Once, I figure out what Im wearing.Joey: Glass of fat?Opening CreditsScene: Monica and Rachels. Ross is acting nervousJoey: Whats a matter Ross? What youre nervous about your speech?Ross: No! Do you wanna hear it?Joey: Am I in it?Ross: Uh, huh. Yeah, right after I thank everyone for giving money to the museum, I sing a song about the wonder that is Joey.Phoebe: (entering) Hello.Ross: Hey!Joey: Whoa!Ross: Wow, hello! You look great!Phoebe: Thank you! I know, though.Ross: You see this, this is a person who is ready to go. Phoebe you, oh, you are my star.Phoebe: Ohh, well, youre my lucky penny.Chandler: (entering from bathroom, with an issue of Cosmo) All right, I took the quiz, and it turns out, I do put career before men. (to Joey) Get up.Joey: What?Chandler: Youre in my seat.Joey: Ho