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书面表达丢分题详解（2019 贵州省毕节中考）每年的 6 月 6 日是我国的“爱眼日”，可见保护中小学生的视力非常重要，为此，学校将在英语文化节期间举行一场“爱眼日”英语演讲比赛。请你写一篇英语演讲稿，谈谈你对保护视力重要性的认识和建议。内容如下：1. 保护视力的重要性（请写 1 点）；2. 对保护视力的建议：（1）阅读时注意用眼卫生；（2）少用电子产品；（3）常看绿色植物；（4）做眼保健操；（5）多做户外运动。要求如下：1. 结构完整，表达通顺，语言规范，书写清晰；2. 文中不得出现任何真实的人名，学校名等信息；3. 词数 80 左右。开头和结尾已给出，不计入总词数。参考词汇：Sight Day 爱眼日；electronic products 电子产品；eye-protecting exercises 眼保健操Dear friends,June 6 is our countrys Sight Day. _Thank you!【参考范文】Dear friends,June 6 is our countrys Sight Day. As we all know, eyes are windows of the soul. Everyone understands the importance of the eyes. But now more and more students are getting near sighted. So how to protect eyes still remains a question. Here is some advice on how to protect your eyesight.You should not keep your eyes working for two long when reading. You should keep the book about a foot away from you. After reading for an hour or two, youd better have a rest by working in the distance or looking at the green plants to make your eye relax. You ought to remember not to read in dim light or in the sun. Dont read in a moving bus or in bed. Besides, try to use less electric products. Whats more, doing eye-protecting exercises will help you keep good eye sight. Last but not least, we can also try to do more exercise in our spare time.Only by doing these simple things can we keep good eyesight.【名师点评】写作时可以从以下几个方面做起：认真审题。审好题是写好书面表达的关键。审题时要注意试题的要求，抓住要点，词数符合要求。构思提纲。有了提纲，我们就可以根据提纲和主题确定相关 写作材料。通常书面表达给出的话题是开放的，而具体的内容要求学生自己发挥，因此选择恰当的素材也是使短文中心突出、明确的关键。初写短文。一切都准备就绪，就可以动笔写作了，在写作的过程中我们要注意句子的准确性、连贯性以及简洁性。使用的词语、短语及句型尽量用自己有把握的词。同时还要注意使用恰当的连词，使句子衔接自然。修改润色。修改润色是获取高分的必要步骤。这一步我们除了检查短文的各种错误外，还要检查语法结构是否合理，有无重复、啰嗦的语言，大小写是否正确，格式是否正确，词数是否符合要求等。【写作亮点】短文用了一些短语和句式，如：As we all know据我们所知；more and more,越来越多的；look at看看；ought to应该。用了here be和祈使句句型，如： Here is some advice on how to protect your eyesight.和Dont read in a moving bus or in bed.用了when引导的时间状语从句，如：You should not keep your eyes working for two long when reading.增加了文章的亮点，也是提分的经典句子。查漏补缺1. 动笔之前，认真审题中考考试说明指出，书面表达要切中题意。怎样才能切中题意？就是要认真审题，看到考题后，先不要急于动笔，要仔细看清题目要求的内容。在自己的头脑中构思出一个框架或画面，确定短文的中心思想，不要匆匆下笔，看懂题意，根据图画、图表、提纲或短文提供的资料和信息来审题。审题要审格式、体裁、人物关系、故事情节、主体时态、活动时间、地点等。2. 围绕中心，拟定提纲书面表达评分原则有四条：（1）内容要点；（2）运用词汇和结构的数量；（3）运用语法结构和词汇的准确性；（4）上下文的连贯性。由此可见，要点是给分的一个重要因素。为了防止写作过程中遗漏要点，同学们要充分发挥自己的观察力，把情景中给出的各个要点逐条列出。根据短文的中心思想考虑如何开头、展开和结尾，设想几个承上启下的连词，将主要句型、关键词语草草记下，形成提纲。写作时切忌结构分散，废话连篇，严重跑题。书面表达，内容广泛，题材多样，要弄清考题的要求是写人、叙事、介绍、评论、图表、书信、日记、通知、便条还是看图作文或改写缩写。如果是日记，要写清年、月、日和天气情况；如果是书信，则要注意书信的格式，注意短文词数不要低于或超过规定的词数太多。3. 语言通顺，表达准确（1）避免使用汉语式英语，尽量使用自己熟悉的句型。几种句型可交替使用，以避免重复和呆板。（2）多用简单句型，记事、写人一般都不需要复杂的句型。可适当多使用陈述句、一般疑问句、祈使句和感叹句。不用或少用非谓语或情态动词等较复杂的句型。（3）注意语法、句法知识的灵活运用。语态、时态要准确无误。主谓语要一致，谓语的人称和数要和主语一致。注意人称代词的宾格形式。注意冠词用法，例如： He is an honest student.中的an不能写成a。注意拼写、标点符号和大小写，例如：receive, believe, fourteen, forty, ninth, restaurant等。标点符号要特别注意汉英的不同，例如：汉语英语句号。.省略号.顿号、无（5）描写人物时，要生动具体，例如：外表特征：tall, short, fat, thin, strong, weak, ordinary-looking .服饰颜色：red, yellow, blue, white, green, brown, black .内心境界：glad, happy, sad, excited, anxious, interested .感情描写：love, like, hate, feel, laugh, cry, smile, shout .动作描写：come, go, get, have, take, bring, fetch .（6）上下文要连贯。上下文的连贯性也是评分的一条原则，因此同学们应把写好的句子，根据故事情节，事情发生的先后次序（时间或空间），使用一些表示并列、递进等过渡词进行加工整理，使文章连贯、自然、流畅。同学们应注意下面过渡词的用法：表示并列关系的过渡词：and, as well as, or .表示转折关系的过渡词：but, yet, however .表示时间关系的过渡词：first, second, third, and then, finally, after, before, after a few days, at last, at that time, later, in the past, immediately, in the meanwhile, when, while, then, after that .表示空间关系的过渡词：near (to), far (from), in the front of, beside, behind, beyond, above, below, to the right, to the left, on one side, on the other side of, outside .表示比较关系的过渡词：in the same way, just like, just as .表示对照关系的过渡词：but, still, yet, however, on the other hand, in spite of, even though .表示递进关系的过渡词：also, and, then, too, in addition, moreover, again .表示因果关系的过渡词：because, since, then, thus, otherwise, so, therefore ,as a result .表示解释说明的过渡词：for example, in fact, in this case, for, actually .表示强调的过渡词：in fact, indeed, necessarily, certainly, without any doubt, truly, most important .表示目的的过渡词：for this reason, for this purpose, so that, in order that, so as to, in order to, .表示列举的过渡词：for example, such as .表示总结性的过渡词：in conclusion, finally, at last, in brief, as has been stated, in a word, in general, in all, in a word, generally speaking .4. 不会表达，另辟蹊径中考作文给分是以要点和语言准确度而定，不以文采打分。造句越简单准确越好，造复合句容易出错，容易被扣分，阅卷场上有句话：错误面前人人平等，文采好不加分。如遇到个别要点表达不出来或难以表达，可采用变通的办法，化难为易，化繁为简。总之，所造句子要正确、得体、符合英语表达习惯。迂回而行当汉语词义不会用英语表达时，可以想一个与这个汉语词义相似的几种词义。扩展思路，然后从英语中找出一个与其词义相近的代替。这样可有异曲同工之妙。小词大用汉语中有些语意看来很复杂很文雅，但在英语中可用一些常用词表达。下面这些词可能在你的书面表达中很有用：take, have, get, make, come, go, do, see, show, happy, nice, kind, help 等。借花献佛有时书面表达中需要的单词或词组或许在试卷中的其他地方出现。因为刚刚做过题，记忆犹新，那么就可信手拈来，为我所用。5. 锦上添花，量力而行如果你还有时间和精力，想把书面表达写得更好，那么，请注意以下几点：句型多样化，不要I（We）. 到底，使人觉得乏味。适当使用一些并列句或主从复合句。进一步描绘人或事物时，适当使用定语从句。适当使用分词或分词短语，烘托谓语动词。偶尔使用一下倒装句，增加新鲜感。适当调换一下状语在句子中的位置，使句子不雷同。上下句子紧接时，其中完全相同的成分可以省略，以节省篇幅。6. 书写工整，卷面整洁字迹要清晰，让阅卷人看得清楚，不可字迹潦草，难以辨认，要保持卷面的整洁。7. 写完之后，勿忘检查中考作文时，由于时间紧、内容多，同学们出错在所难免。因此，改错这一环节必不可少。中考作文评卷是根据要点、语言准确性、上下文的连贯性来给分，根据错误多少来扣分。因此，中考时花几分钟时间用来检查错误显得尤为重要。检查错误应从以下几个方面入手：格式是否有错。拼写有无错误。语言是否用错。时态、语态错误。标点错误。人称是否用错。【注意】此时不宜在卷面上作较大的改动，以免顾此失彼，影响全局。总之，只要平时同学们多练习写作并有意运用上述方法和技巧，合理分配时间，在中考时一定能写出高质量的作文，得到令人满意的考分。中考题演练（一）（2019 广西河池中考）“人生没有彩排，生命没有重来”，你平安、健康、快乐地成长是父母最大的心愿。今年6月下旬学校将举办一场以“Keep away from the danger!” 为主题的英文演讲比赛。假如你是王雷同学，大家推选你参加这次比赛。请跟进以下思维导图提示，写一篇英文演讲稿。写作提示：写作要求：1. 不得使用真实姓名和学校名；2. 所有的提示词都须用上，包含以上所有要点，可适当增加细节，使内容充实，行文连贯：3. 字迹工整，语言精练，表达准确，条理清楚：4. 词数100词左右。(演讲稿的开头和结尾已给出，不计入总词数。)Keep away from the danger!Hello! Everyone, Im Wang Lei. The danger is around us. So we must learn how to keep away from the danger, First, we mustnt go swimming without our parents or teachers permission._In a word, we must try our best to keep away from the danger!Thats all. Thank you for listening!【参考范文】Keep away from the danger!Hello! Everyone, Im Wang Lei. The danger is around us. So we must learn how to keep away from the danger. First, we mustnt go swimming without our parents or teachers permission. When we go swimming, we must wear life jackets. Second, we must obey the traffic rules. We should walk on the pavement. When we cross the street, we mustnt look at the mobile phones. Third, we may have some friends on line, but we mustnt believe whatever they say. Besides, dont meet online friends alone. Fourth, we must wash our hands before having meals. Dont eat food that goes bad because it is bad for our health. Fifth, when we are in school, we cant run on the hallways. You should get on well with your classmates and dont fight with them. If someone threatens you, call for help. Last but not the least, never try drugs. If you see someone selling drugs, call 110 at once.In a word, we must try our best to keep away from the danger!Thats all. Thank you for listening!【名师点评】这是一篇优秀的作文，短文作者根据题目要求，给我们介绍了生活中应如何远离危险，保证我们的安全。短文有以下几个优点：首先文章内容完整，包含了题目中要求的所有内容，提示词都使用上了。文章中从六个方面进行了具体的介绍，每个方面前都有表示顺序的词First, Second Last but not least等，使文章的结构非常清晰，叙述有条理。其次短文中使用了正确的时态和人称，语法规范。句式结构完整，符合英语的表达习惯。【写作亮点】文章中使用了简单句、宾语从句、状语从句、定语从句、祈使句等结构，句式多变，表达准确、清楚。文章中使用了一些较好的短语和句型，如When we cross the street, we mustnt look at the mobile phones、Third, we may have some friends on line, but we mustnt believe whatever they say、Fourth, we must wash our hands before having meals.、You should get on well with your classmates and dont fight with them.、If someone threatens you, call for help.、Last but not the least, never try drugs. If you see someone selling drugs, call 110 at once.等。（二）（2019 大庆中考）文娱、体育、户外等丰富多彩的课外活动为我们的生活增添了生机和活力。请以“After-class Activities Make My Life Colorful”为题，为校园专栏写一篇英文稿件。内容包括：1. 简要描述你参加过的一项课外活动；2. 该课外活动给你带来的收获及感受(交朋友;放松自我)。写作要求：1. 词数80词左右；开头已写好，不计入总词数；2. 文章不得出现真实的学校名称与姓名。After-class Activities Make My Life ColorfulNowadays after-class activities are becoming more and more important _【参考范文】After-class Activities Make My Life ColorfulNowadays, after-school activities are becoming more and more important. There are many different kinds of activities, for example, arts and sports. I joined a volleyball club last year. I am used to playing volleyball after school.In the volleyball club, Ive made lots of friends. We often play volleyball after school. Whether it is hot or cold, we never stop playing it. I feel happy while playing volleyball. And it is also a good way to relax myself. I think I will continue to play volleyball after school in the future.All in all, after-school activities make my life more colorful and meaningful.【名师点评】这是一篇话题作文，让我们写一篇关于After-class Activities Make My Life Colorful的英文稿件，并鼓励同学们积极参加课外活动，这需要我们发挥英语思维，将提供的信息用英语完整流畅的表达出来。写作需要用第一人称，注意各种时态的交替运用。内容要点包括：简要描述你参加过的一项课外活动，时态用一般过去时；你参加过的课外活动给你带来的收获和感受，时态以一般现在时为主和一般将来时为主；最后总结自己的心得体会。【写作亮点】高分句型一：I am used to playing volleyball after school. 我习惯放学后打排球。be used to doing sth.习惯于做某事。高分句型二：And it is also a good way to relax myself. 这也是放松自己的好方法。动词不定式to relax myself用作后置定语。高分句型三：All in all, after-school activities make my life more colorful and meaningful. 总之，课外活动使我的生活更加丰富多彩，更有意义。more colorful and meaningful用作my life的宾语补足语。模拟题检测（一）（2019河南中考模拟）因学习压力大，部分中学生的身体健康状况有所下降，这一情况已经引起社会的关注和教育部门的高度重视。假若你是来自九年级三班的李华，请根据以下内容，用英语写一份不少于80词的倡议书。建议大家积极多参加体育活动，提高身体素质。不得出现真实姓名。要点：1. 锻炼身体的好处： strong， healthy.2. 锻炼身体的方式： play ball games， running， swimming.3. 请你谈谈对学校开展体育锻炼看法和建议。要求：1. 内容必须包括以上要点，可适当发挥；2. 开头已给出，不计入总词数；3. 语句通顺，意思连贯，条理清楚，书写规范；4. 文中不得出现真实姓名及校名。Dear schoolmates,I am Li Hua from Class Three, Grade Nine. Health is very important to us teenagers. _Li Hua【参考范文】Dear shoolmates,I am Li Hua from Class Three,Grade Nine. Health is very important to us teenagers. Either study or work is based on a strong body. Doing sports every day helps us keep healthy. If we dont take any exercise, we may feel tired and get sick easily. Just as we often say, “Exercise one hour a day keeps illness away. ”There are many kinds of sports we can do, such as running, swimming and playing ball games. But we have to do too much homework after school, I hope teachers will give us less homework so that we can have more time to take part in sports. I also hope our school can organize more sports activities for us. In order to build ourselves stronger and stronger,lets take active part in all kinds of sports in proper time. Li Hua【名师点评】本文属于话题作文。讲述锻炼身体的好处、锻炼的方式，并建议大家积极参加体育活动。根据要表达的内容确定并准确运用时态，上下文意思连贯，符合逻辑，可适当增加内容。【写作亮点】这是一篇优秀的作文，很好的完成了试题规定的任务，语言表达符合英语习惯，准确运用时态、主谓一致，特别使用一些亮点词句，如either.or., be based on, keep healthy, such as, have time to do, take part in, in order to, stronger and stronger以及all kinds of等，增强逻辑关系，增加上下文意思连贯，用词准确，句子通顺，行文连贯。（二）（2019山东滨州质检题）假如你是小伟。你的室友大明昨天接到你朋友Maria的电话。她正在研究中国传统节日中秋节，需要你的帮助。现在请你根据大明所留便条的内容，给Maria回一封电子邮件。Xiaowei,Your friend Maria made a phone call to you yesterday. She wants to know the traditional Chinese festivalthe Mid-Autumn Festival. She wants you to tell her why we like it and when it is . She also wonders how you spent your Mid-Autumn Festival this year?. Send an email to her at maria1988.Daming注意：1）电子邮件的格式和开头已经给出，不计入总次数（80-100词）；2）表达完整、书写规范、卷面整洁；3）提示词：农历lunar 家人团聚family reunionTo: maria1988Subject: the Mid-Autumn FestivalDear Maria,How are you? You asked me something about the traditional Chinese festival -the Mid-Autumn Festival._Love,Xiaowei【参考范文】Dear Maria,How are you? You asked me something about the traditional Chinese festival -the Mid-Autumn Festival. Mid Autumn Festival is on the 15th day of the eighth month of the Chinese lunar calendar. It is a Chinese traditional holiday with hundreds of years history. For Chinese, the moon is a symbol of many good things. The character, moon, is often used to name places and people. Some great poets, such as Li Bai, used the moon to express their ideas about love for family. To be the most important, the Mid-Autumn Festival is a great time for family reunion. My favorite part of the Mid-Autumn Festival is that I can enjoy mooncakes and appreciate the moon with my family. This festival, my grandparents could not stay with us because they were in the USA with my uncles family. But they wrote letters to me showing their deep love for me. It was a pity they were not here, but I was still very happy because my dear parents were with me.Love,Xiaowei【名师点评】首先能够知道本文要求写一封电子邮件，因此注意邮件的格式；给出一个便条，便条中提出Maria想了解中国传统节日中秋节。文中提到why we like it和when it is，要对为什么我们喜欢它以及中秋节时间进行介绍，最后Maria想要知道大明是怎么样过中秋节的。因此内容上不要忘记这三个方面，条理要清晰。本例文以第一人称书写，时态为一般现在时和一般过去时。首先对中秋节介绍日期和简介，以及为什么喜欢中秋节。然后用一般过去时讲述这个中秋节我家是怎么庆祝的。上下文连词使用得当，语句通顺，条理清晰。【写作亮点】本文中作者运用以下短语hundreds of；a symbol of；such as；还有不定式作目的状语；To be the most important；stay with。句子的衔接上连词的使用。如that引导的表语从句My favorite part of the Mid-Autumn Festival is that I can enjoy mooncakes and appreciate the moon with my family. 和because引导的时间状语从句等：This festival, my grandparents could not stay with us because they were in the USA with my uncles family.（三）（20192020山东中考质检题）书面表达根据所给图画，用英语写一篇约80词的短文。要求完整叙述故事内容。提示词：plate 盘子， trash can 垃圾桶, color pen 彩笔， color 给上色， _ 【参考范文】After lunch, Li Hua picked up the plate and wanted to send it to the kitchen. He bumped into his brother named Li Zhong, and the plate fell in two. Li Hua was worried and going to put the broken plate into the trash can. His brother stopped him and said, Why not turn them into paintings? Li Hua agreed happily. Li Zhong brought color pens. They discussed a minute. After a while, two pieces of the plate turned into two beautiful fishes. They were very happy.【名师点评】书面表达题既不是汉译英，也不是可任意发挥的作文。它要求将所规定的材料内容经整理后展开思维，考查运用所学英语知识准确表达意思的能力。所以，考生不能遗漏要点，要尽量使用自己熟悉的单词、短语和句式，尽可能使用高级词汇和较复杂的句式结构以便得到较高的分数。切忌堆砌词语和句子，注意运用适当的连词使句子连贯流畅。【写作亮点】这是一篇看图作文，要求根据图画叙述一个故事。结合所给材料，可知本文主要考查一般过去时，人称为单数三人称，注意主谓一致问题和一些常见句式的应用，比如：He bumped into his brother named Li Zhong,；Why not turn them into paintings?等句式的应用，使短文内容表达丰富。此外，picked up, bumped into, fell in two, put into, after a while等词组的运用也让文章增色不少。（四）（20192020学年度质检题）请根据下表提示介绍Tom过去和现在的情况,并就此事谈谈你的看法及对他的建议。过去喜欢看书,功课好,花很多时间学习和锻炼。现在因沉溺于用手机发信息和玩电脑游戏导致对学习没兴趣,上课时不专心听课你的看法玩手机可以使人放松,但你的建议至少两点要求:1. 80-100词:短文必须包括表格中的信息,条理清晰,观点明确,意思连贯。2. 文中不能出现真实姓名和学校的名称及其他相关信息。 【参考答案】Tom has changed a lot in the last few years.He used to like reading books and do well in his lessons. He also spent much time studying and doing exercises at school. But now he is so crazy about sending messages and playing computer games by using mobile phones that he has no interest in his school work and doesnt listen to teachers as carefully as before in class. Perhaps playing with mobile phones can make him relaxed, but if he spends too much time on it, he will have less time to study. He should pay more attention to his school work. Why not take part in some after-school activities when he feels bored? Why not spend more free time chatting face-to-face with his friends?【名师点评】该题目属于记叙文写作。在写作时应注意要包括提示的四个内容：第一部分Tom的过去；第二部分Tom的现在；第三部分你的看法；第四部分你对Tom的建议。例文采用两段式；用第三人称叙述内容；时态采用现在完成时、一般过去时、一般将来时三种时态结合。叙述完整，条例清晰，观点明确，意思连贯。【写作亮点】短语：in the last few years；do well in；spenddoing ；be crasy about；make sb ；pay attention to；take part in；chat with。句型：used to do过去常常干某事； Why not do？提建议的句型语法：if引导的条件状语从句
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