Cultural differences in everyday conversations

Cultural differences in everyday conversationsCultural differences on politeness between western and Chinese can be found in many aspects of daily communication, including addressing, greeting and parting, compliments, apologies, thanks, etc.1. Greeting and PartingWhen people meet acquaintances or friends, people usually greet each other. The purpose of greeting is to establish or maintain social contact. So formulaic expressions are often used, but such formulaic expressions often causes conflict because of the great cultural differences between Chinese and native English speakers. In English, people often employ the following expressions to greet each other “Good morning/evening/afternoon. “Fine day, isnt it? ” “Hows everything going?” “Have you eaten yet?” What are you going to do?” “Where have you been?” etc. Westerners treat them as real question. While in Chinese, we always say “你吃了吗?”“你上哪里去?”“你干什么去?” to show our consideration. Parting may be divided into two steps. Before the final prating, there is usual a leave-taking. Western and Chinese cultures have diverse ways to deal with leave-takings. Firstly, in English society, during the closing phase of an encounter, from” I” perspective, reasons for terminating the encounter are presented in mediatory comments. Typical comments are associated with expressions of apology, such as “I” am afraid I must be off, I have to relieve the baby-sitter” etc. Western people believe that to be willing to visit and converse with someone is to have respect for him.; to terminate the visiting is not of ones own free will, but because of some other arrangements, therefore they always try to make their leaving sound reluctant by finding some reasons and apologize for it to make the leaving acceptable for both parties. English speakers often signal several times before leaving. “Well, its been nice to see you again. I do enjoy our talk and the lovely dinner, but I must be going soon”. Thank you very much for asking me over. I hope well be able to get together again before long” Consolidation in a wider range of common acquaintances also occurs, in expressions such as “Say hello to Jack for me” or “Remember me to John”. In Chinese society, during the closing phase of and encounter, usually, from a “you” perspective, reasons for ending the encounter are set forth in mediatory expressions. Such expressions include“你挺忙的，我就不多打扰了。”“你一定累了，早点休息吧，我要告辞了。”, etc. With this word, they may stand up from their seats. Chinese leave-taking is very short and quick. Western people think it so abrupt that they have not prepared for it. While moving to the door, Chinese employ expressions of apology like“对不起没，打扰了。”“对不起，占用你不少时间。”It should be noted that these expressions employed by Chinese guests to show concern for their hosts can only be appropriate for business visits in the English environment2.AddressingBoth western and Chinese people have two kinds of personal names-a surname and a given name. But the order and the use of these names in the two languages are somewhat different. In Chinese, the surname comes first and then the given name. And people like add“小”before their family name. Such as“小王”、“小郑”、“小李”、“小徐”and so on. While westerners names are written and spoken with the given name first and the family name last. So John Smiths family name is Smith, not John. In a formal setting, address men as Mister (abbreviated as Mr.), married women as Misses (abbreviated as Mrs.), and unmarried women as “Miss (abbreviated as Ms.). These days many women prefer to be addressed using the abbreviations Ms. or M., pronounced miss. If the person has an M.D. or Ph.D., they will often be addressed as Doctor (abbreviated as Dr.). Faculty are addressed as Professor (abbreviated as Prof.).In an informal situation, westerners will introduce each other by first name, without titles, and occasionally by just the last name. If you are introduced to somebody by first name, you can address him or her by first name the next time you meet. The only exception would be for someone who holds an important position, such as the university president or provost. Unless they tell you otherwise, faculty should be addressed using their title and last name (e.g., Professor Smith). When in Doubt, use the formal manner of address, since it is better to err on the side of formality. It is also appropriate to ask how they prefer to be addressed. Children should always address adults in the formal fashion, using their title and last name.Another difference is about the form of addressing. From the viewpoint of sociolinguistics, forms of addressing can serve as an indication of the relationship of power and solidarity in the society. In calling their superiors or elders, the Chinese are accustomed to the nonreciprocal or asymmetrical addressing, in other words. They use “title +surname” to address their superior or elders rather than call them surnames, while the superior or elders call the addressers their names. The Chinese tend to abide by the polite principle of depreciating oneself and respecting others to show appropriate respects towards the persons being addressed, otherwise, the addresser may be considered as ill mannered, ill educated or rude. But in English speaking countries, people have a tendency to follow the reciprocal or symmetrical addressing. Although they are different in age and status, they can call the other directly, namely, their names, even first names except when they call the doctors, not arousing offence between them, but demonstrating the sense of intimacy and the conception of” Everyone is created equal” . Chinese people feel unnatural addressing a westerner by his given name, feeling that it indicates too close a relationship, and westerners, on the other hand, may feel that if a Chinese insists on using his surname, it indicates an unwillingness to be friendly and maintains a gap between them. So the use of forms like” Miss Mary” or “Mr. Smith ” may be a Chinese forms of compromise. With Miss Mary, the use of the given name indicates friendliness, but the addition of the title indicates the respect they feel they ought to show. And with Smith, the lack of a title indicates friendliness, but the use of the surname prevents if sounding too intimate. However, both addressing used by the Chinese sound very strange and uncomfortable to the westerner.3. Compliments and Response to compliment is to praise the addressees virtues, ability, behavior, appearance, clothing, personality and belongs. Appropriate compliments can serve as effective supplementary means in inter-personal communication. Western and Chinese culture are at polar opposites about compliment. A western hostess, if she is complimented for her cooking skill, is likely to say,” Oh, I am so glad that you liked it. I cook it especially for you.” Not so is a Chinese hostess, who will instead apologize for giving you “Nothing”. They will say“随便作几个菜，不好吃。”If translate this into English “I just made some dishes casually and they are not very tasty. Perhaps the foreigner will think why you invite me to you family and have the untested food. You arent respecting me. The English-speaking people are more active to praise others and to be praise than Chinese people. For example, the Americans are “straight forwardness”, the Chinese take pride in “modesty”. That modesty has left many a Chinese hungry at an Americans table, for Chinese politeness calls for three refusals before one accepts an offer and the Americans hosts take ”no ” to mean “no ”, whether it is the first, second or third time. Still bigger differences exist in peoples attitude towards compliments, i.e., in the response to compliments. Chinese are tending to efface themselves in words or refuse it, although they do feel comfortable about the compliments. So many westerners simply feel puzzled or even upset when their Chinese friends refused their compliments. The Chinese people are not intending to be modest with the sacrifice of friendship in so doing, but it is rather due to the traditional Chinese philosophy, that of modesty. The Chinese people regard modesty as a most valuable virtue, so they seldom agree to the compliment on their own.4. Apologies and Responses if wrong things are done, there must be apologies .As to how to offer apologies, both western and Chinese people may “I am sorry.” “I apologize for” Etc. But Chinese would like to apologize for the crowded state of their dwellings and for small numbers of dishes, although the room is big enough and there are many dishes. Chinese stay these to express self-depreciation only out of courtesy, not having other implication. But the westerners would wonder, since the room is so large and there are so many dishes, why do they say so. May be they do not welcome our visit; they dont like us to eat more. When Chinese contact with westerners, if they do not know these differences, if will lead to misunderstanding. The ways to respond to apologies are different, too.A: Oh, Im sorry. I forget it.B1: It doesnt matter.B2: Thats all right.B2 is westerners. B1 is a Chinese person. “It doesnt matter” is a translation of “没关系”from Chinese, which is a common pattern in Chinese to respond to apologies. If a Chinese uses this to respond to apologies, westerners will think that he is a sharp person, who simply cannot forgive a very little wrong thing.5. Thanks and Responses“Thank you” is widely used in English to show gratitude in such cases as being invited, helped, given a gift, etc. Cultural differences exist between Chinese and western in how to express thanks and responses. In fact, “Thank you” is uttered in English for more than acknowledging favor or gratitude, and it is often a means to show politeness. On many occasions, the English use this utterance while the Chinese may say “有劳您了。”or do not say a word at all but just smile or nod. As a matter of fact, “Thank you” is used more widely by westerners than Chinese use“谢谢”, for minor favors like borrowing pencil , asking directions, requesting someone to pass on a message , receiving a telephone, etc. “Thank you” not only shows politeness but also carries a persons grateful feeling for those who offer help. Without using expressions of gratitude, misunderstandings may arise because the help seems to be taken for granted and is mot appreciated, For westerners, each person is an equal individual, whether he is a family member of not. In Chinese, “谢谢”is not frequently used between intimate friends and family members because it may imply a certain distance between the addresser and the addressee. Native speakers may respond to “Thank you” by saying: You are welcome /Its a /my pleasure/ Not at all/ dont mention it/Thats all right. While Chinese people may say:“这是我应该做的”， which may convey to westerners the message that the Chinese did not really want to do it, or that he /she did it only because it wall his/her duty. This message is quite different from what the Chinese speaker intended to express.6. Asking Personal AffairsPeople from China do not regard it as asking personal affairs when they ask others name、year、marital status、wages、personal life、belief and political points. It is regard as concerns. While the westerns will think you 侵犯their right of privacy. When we talk to the westerns, we must avoid asking some questions like this:” How old are you?”、“Are you married?”、“How many children do you have?”、“How much do you make?”、“Whats your weight?”、“Do you go to the church?”7. Invitation and Saying Good-ByeIn the culture of British and America, it is very important to consult a time before you invite somebody to attend a banquet or take part in social activities. Esp. in America, invite somebody means you are borrow times of others. So they respect time very much. While in China, people are preferred to an uninvited guest. And otherwise, you will be thought unfriendly if you cannot receive an uninvited guest very well.Different cultural factors may result in cultural differences, and consequently, the acknowledgment of the factors that affect the cultural differences will facilitate the understanding of such differences, part of which will vie discuss in the followings. Since it is impossible to cover all of the factors in this thesis, the factors discussed here are some important ones.Factors affect cultural differences. Cultural Background1. One of the cultural different reasons between China and western is cultural background. In spring and autumn and warring s periods of China emerged Confucianism, Taoism and other ideologies. As different ideologies developed and combated each other, the basic framework of Chinese civilization was established. And then Confucianism became the foundation stone of Chinese philosophy system. Confucianisms central doctrine is that of the virtue of Ren. What is Ren? Ren is translated variously as goodness, benevolence, humanity and human-heartedness. In short, Ren means affection and love. For more than 2 thousand years it has molded and shaped the civilization of China and exerted a profound influence upon almost one fourth of human race. Just as DR. Sun-Yat-Sen said:” Therefore the old morals of loyalty and piety, affection, and love, faithfulness and righteousness, are superior to those of the foreign countries Let alone that peace and harmony. These high standards of morals are our national spirit. Different from China, Christianity plays an important role in western. The English speaking countries are generally considered as Christian countries where many people believe in Christianity. Christianity is the region based on the life and teaching of Jesus Christ. He is the founder of Christianity. According to the doctrine of Christianity, the Trinity is the union of the three forms of God, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Jesus Christ the son of the God and the holy book of Christianity is the Bible, which consists of the Old Testament and the New Testament. However, the power of the church cannot compare with the past time, it still influence many aspects of peoples daily life. For example, there are a few important festivals in the western is concern with Jesus Christ. Christmas day is a festival in celebration of the birth of the Jesus Christ on Dec.25.Virgin Birth refers to the birth of Christ, which Christians believe to have been caused by God rather than by ordinary sexual union.2. Different values another cultural different reasons between China and western is different valueThe concept of Chinese values is often consciously or unconsciously placed in opposition with Western values. Therefore, it is necessary to determine how people define Western values. Some have stated that the modern Western value system originated in Victorian England, and describe it as social norms and behaviors common in European people during that time. The core of Western values is individualism. David Hitchcock described Western values from a Chinese perspective. He said that, from the Chinese viewpoint, Western values have three levels: 1) physical level science, technology, business, public administration, and modern capitalist economics; 2) conceptual level equal opportunity, the role of law; and time management; and 3) core values open debate, equality, balance of power; free speech, and democracy. The core of the Chinese value has some relationship with the Confucianism. The ethnic principle of Confucianism is its discovery of the ultimate in the moral character of human relationships in which Confucius offered the solution for the ills and evils of his days. That is the well-known five Relationships: ruler-minister, father-son, husband-wife, elder-younger brother and friend-friend. This was explained as” there should be affection between father and son , righteous sense of duty between ruler and minister, division of function between man and wife, stratification between old and young, and good faith between friends. During the more than two thousand years of the feudal period, the ruling class arranges every thing by these relationships, and then formed a class society. In this kind of society, a minister owes loyalty to his ruler, and a child filial respect to his parent. The result is the humanity is neglected and people have no equality.Different from China, in the Renaissance period of England, people began to emphasize the dignity of human beings and the importance of the present life, they voiced their beliefs that man did not only have the right to enjoy the beauty of their life, but also have the ability to perfect themselves and perform wonders.This is the rudiment of Humanism. People became respect the humanity from then on. And then develop into the ideas of what we always said freedom, democracy. Today, take Americans for instance; the top personal values were self-reliance, hard work, and a tie between achieving success in life, personal achievement, and helping others. Hard work, respect for learning, honesty, and self-reliance were most valued among Chinese people. In terms of social values, the top six for Americans were freedom of expression, personal freedom, rights of the individual, open debate; thinking for oneself, and official accountability. The top six social values for Asian people were maintenance of an orderly society, harmony, accountability of public officials, openness to new ideas, freedom of expression, and respect for authority. This study finds that unlike Americans, East Asians are generally more respectful of authority and prize an orderly society, however in concurrence with the West, Asians honor new ideas, official accountability, and free expression.3. Individualism and CollectivismIndividualism refers to the doctrine that the rights of the individual are the most important ones in a society. Most westerners believe that each person has his own separate identity and personality, which should be recognized and reinforced. Therefore, one cannot comprehensive western and its people without understanding individualism. Only with the cognition of individualism can we understand how westerners conceptualize family, friendships, and privacy. The core of individualism is the pursuit of personal and achievements. It is highly valued, earnestly believes and well appreciated as a fundamental social virtue. In Christianity traditions, individuals are important not only to each other, but also to the society and God. Individualism has been handed down from their ancestors. Therefore, to westerners, individualism is not selfishness but rather virtue. They emphasize individualism so much that they believe that there must be something wrong with someone who fails to demonstrate individualism. That likes the sentence“God helps those who help themselves.” However to Chinese people, the word“individualism”is related to the derogatory meaning as egoism, with represents selfishness in quality and looseness in discipline. In traditional Chinese beliefs, esp. in Confucianism, collectivism is appreciated. It emphasizes cooperation among group members and individual success is due to the collective effort of the staff in a unit, an organization or a community. The sacrifice of individual interest for that of the collective is a noble quality eulogized so much by Chinese people that being modest and thoughtful of others are highly praised.4. Family Western families advocate equality. The husband and the wife usually have an equality voice in decision-making, and on certain matters, the children, too, have a vote. Family members are regarded as friend and they should treated equality in daily life. In the western, most old people do not live with their children or relatives. If they have enough money they will buy house or apartments in places where other old people live .If they do not healthy and strong