Raising Good Children

,*,Click to edit Master title style,Click to edit Master text styles,Second level,Third level,Fourth level,Fifth level,Click to edit Master title style,Click to edit Master text styles,Second level,Third level,Fourth level,Fifth level,*,Raising Good Children: 10 Things Parents Can Do,Dr. Thomas Lickona,cortland.edu/character,Major support for the Smart & Good Schools Initiative,provided by the:,John Templeton Foundation,For more information:,cortland.edu/character,A project of The Center for the 4,th,and 5,th,Rs & The Institute for Excellence & Ethics (IEE),SMART & GOOD SCHOOLS INITIATIVE,MAXIMIZING THE POWER OF CHARACTER,No-Brainers,Whats the hardest job there is?,Whats the job for which we get the least training?,Whats the job that gets harder all the time because of the stresses on families and the negative influences of the wider culture?,Who has the greatest impact on kids character development?,Loving is natural;,Parenting is not.,Parenting skills are learned.,-Gil and Tanya Gockley,“God sends us,children to teach us humility.”,Raising Good Children: 10 Things Parents Can Do,Know what good character is and make it a high priority.,Be an authoritative parent.,Love children.,Teach by example.,Manage the moral environment.,Raising Good Children,6.,Use direct teaching to form conscience and habits.,7. Discipline wisely.,8. Solve conflicts fairly.,9. Provide opportunities to practice the virtues.,10. Foster spiritual development.,Principle 1,Know what good character is and make character development a high priority.,10 Essential Virtues,Wisdom,Justice,Fortitude,Self-control,Love,Positive attitude,Hard work,Integrity,Gratitude,Humility,Make character development a,deliberate goal,of family life.,Take the long view:,View children as “adults-in-the-making.”,Recent studies find that adults who were overindulged as children have difficulty coping with lifes disappointments.,They have a distorted sense of entitlement that gets in the way of success both in the workplace and in relationships.,-,Newsweek, September 13, 2004,Principle 2,Be an authoritative parent.,Parents must have a strong sense of,moral authority,their right to be respected and obeyed.,3 styles of parenting:,Authoritarian,Permissive,Authoritative,.,At all developmental levels, the most confident and responsible children have,authoritative,parents.,The importance of supervision:,The most academically motivated and morally responsible teensand the ones least likely to engage in risky behaviorsare those who:,Enjoy warm and involved relationships with their parents,Have parents who set clear expectations and monitor their adolescents activities in age-appropriate ways.,-Building a Better Teenager,Child Trends 2002 research report, childtrends.org,One survey of elementary school children found that when they crave something, most expect to ask 9 times before,their parents give in.,-,Newsweek, September 13, 2004,Ways to Say No,No.,No, and thats final.,No, and dont ask me again.,I have thought about it, and the answer is no.,I know you know how to nag. It wont work.,Nice try, the answer is still no.,Have a,zero tolerance,policy for disrespectful speech and behavior.,Principle 3,Love children.,Love involves . . .,Time,Communication,Sacrifice.,Principle 4,Teach by example.,The stands we take define our values.,Principle 5,Manage the Moral Environment.,Media Facts,The average child sees about 100 commercials a day.,The average young person consumes nearly 7 hours of electronic media a day.,Three-quarters of 6th-graders have their own TV in their bedrooms.,Kids and Media at the New Millennium , kff.org,The Power of the Media,By 16, the average child sees about,200,000,acts of TV violence.,There is a,causal connection,between kids viewing TV violence and aggressive behavior.,Kids who watch the most violent TV are the,most violent,.,Kids who dont imitate media violence are,desensitized,by it.,Family Media Guidelines,We use media to promote family life and good values.,The use of,any,media (TV, VCR, Internet, etc.) in the home requires parents,permission,and,presence,.,Have a family meeting to explain your reasons for these guidelines,.,RECOMMENDATION:,Consider having,NO TV,while you have children in the home.,Principle 6,Use direct teaching to form habits and conscience.,Dads Two Sets Of Threes,On honesty:,Never lie.,Never cheat.,Never steal.,On adversity:,Dont whine.,Dont complain.,Dont make excuses.,-John Wooden,Wooden,7 Ethical Tests,The Golden Rule.,What if everybody did it?,The parents test.,The religion test.,The conscience test.,The consequences test.,The front-page test.,Conscience Has 2 Parts:,Understanding,that,something is right or wrong (moral judgment).,Understanding,why,it is right or wrong (moral reasoning).,Moral reasoning develops in stages.,Stage 0: Egocentric Reasoning (appears around age 4)*,“I should get my own way”,Reason to be good: to get rewards and avoid punishment,_,* Ages indicate reasonable developmental expectations for a child of normal intelligence growing up in a supportive moral environment.,Stage 1: Unquestioning Obedience (appears around kindergarten age),“I should do what Im told.”,Reason to be good: to stay out of trouble.,Stage 2: Whats-in-it-for-me Fairness (early elementary grades),“I should look out for myself but be fair to those who are fair to me.”,Reason to be good: Self-interest: Whats in it for me?,Stage 3: Interpersonal Conformity (upper elementary grades and early to mid-teens),“I should be a nice person and live up to the expectations of people I know and care about”,Reason to be good: So others will think well of me and I can think well of myself.,Stage 4: Responsibility to the “System” (high school years or late teens),“I should fulfill my responsibilities to the social or value system I feel part of.”,Reason to be good: To keep the system from falling apart and to maintain self-respect as someone who meets my obligations.,Stage 5: Principled Conscience (young adulthood),“I should show the greatest possible respect for the rights and dignity of every individual and support a system that protects human rights.”,Reason to be good: The obligation of conscience to act in accordance with the principle of respect for all human beings.,Principle 7,Discipline wisely.,When kids do something wrong, require them to . . .,Say, “Im sorry.”,Say,why,they are sorry.,Ask, “What can I do to make up for it?” (make restitution),Principle 8,Solve conflicts fairly.,The Fairness Meeting,Achieve mutual understanding.,Find a solution everyone thinks is fair.,Have a follow-up meeting to discuss how its working.,Principle 9,Provide opportunities to practice the virtues.,Character development is not a spectator sport.,Virtues are habits that develop through,practice.,Principle 10,Foster spiritual development.,Each of us is engaged in a,lifelong search for,a life worth living.,-F. Washington Jarvis,With Love and Prayers,We are able to live and even to die for the sake of our ideals and values.,-,Viktor Frankl,Mans Search for Meaning,(1959),“I see so many people just going through the motions: get into a good school, so you can get into a good college, so you can get a good job, so you can get a better job, so you can get rich and die.”,Recent High School Graduate,An Analysis of My Life,1. Are you generally satisfied with what you have done so far in your life? Explain.,2. What obstacles, if any, have interfered with your personal growth? What can you do to overcome them?,3. What is the most valuable lesson you have learned in your life thus far?,4.What goals have you planned for your future? What are you presently doing to pursue them?,John Perricone,Zen and the Art of Public School Teaching,100 GOALS,1. Write 100 goals youd like to achieve in your life.2. Divide them into categories (career, family, adventure, service, major accomplishments, etc.)3. Select your top 10 goals.4. Write a paragraph on your #1 goal.,Hal Urban,Religion and Youth Character,Teens who practice their religious faith show:,Higher levels of altruism,Lower levels of theft, vandalism, violence, and drug and alcohol use.,Less likelihood of sexual activity.,-2002 Child Trends Research Brief, Religious Involvement and Childrens Well-Being childtrends.org,For more resources on developing character in the family or school:,Center for the 4th and 5th Rs,cortland.edu/character,