新高考读后续写高分素材-微技能之细节描写.doc

新高考读后续写高分素材-微技能之细节描写读后续写 微技能之细节描写1高考中续写的文体主要为记叙文。顾名思义，记叙文主要以记叙事件为主，因此需要用到许多的细节描写以使文章生动，言之有物。不少学生语言功底不错，但是续写始终得不了高分，其中一个原因可能就是细节描写的缺乏。那么，续写该如何写呢？我们应该做到兼顾概括描述和细节描述，而且要多用细节描述。所谓概括描述是指对一个事件的总体描述，而细节描述则是对事件的具体描述，来对之前的总体描述进一步解释说明，这样能够使得描述更加生动，有画面感。 举例：如表达一个人的疲累时，可用概括描述：she felt exhausted. 同时辅以细节描述She felt exhausted and sat by the stream, resting her aching feet.如果大家注意这些细节的描述，一定会为你的记叙文续写增色！“感到害怕”的细节描述当看到那只凶恶的狼时，我感到很害怕。1、大家可以先尝试用概括描述，先将意思表达清楚。 _2、请你在此概括描述的基础上增加细节描述，注意逻辑关系以及语意的合理。1） _2） _3） _参考答案：1.At the sight of the ferocious wolf, I felt very scared.2.1）At the sight of the ferocious wolf, I felt so scared thatmy throat tightened and my knees feltweak.(嗓子发紧，膝盖发软)2）At the sight of the ferocious wolf, Ifroze with terror, too scared to move an inch.(吓呆了，不敢动弹)3）At the sight of the ferocious wolf, Iwas seized by a strong sense of horror and my palms were sweating.(被深深地恐惧感所控制，手心出汗)表感到兴奋 thrilled当主持人宣布她获奖时，她兴奋极了。1、大家可以先尝试用概括描述，先将意思表达清楚。 _2、请你在此概括描述的基础上增加细节描述，注意逻辑关系以及语意的合理。1） _2） _3） _参考答案：1.When the host announced that she won the prize, she felt thrilled.2.1) When the host announced that she won the prize,her eyes twinkled with excitement.（激动得两眼放光）2) When the host announced that she won the prize,her heart was thumping with excitement.(激动得心砰砰跳)3) When the host announced that she won the prize,a wide excitement took hold of her.(兴奋不能自已)感到悲伤”的细节描述一听到那个坏消息，她悲伤不已。1、大家可以先尝试用概括描述，先将意思表达清楚。 _2、请你在此概括描述的基础上增加细节描述，注意逻辑关系以及语意的合理。1） _2） _3） _参考答案：1.Upon hearing the bad news, she felt extremely sad.2.1）Upon hearing the bad news,her heart ached, tears streaming down her cheeks.(心痛，眼泪直流)2）Upon hearing the bad news, she,numb with grief, had trouble speaking.(悲伤到失去知觉，不能开口说话)3）Upon hearing the bad news, shefelt seized by a burst of sadnessand couldnt help crying bitterly.(被一股悲伤之感控制，忍不住哭泣)“感到开心”的细节描述当妈妈亲吻他时，小baby开心极了。1、大家可以先尝试用概括描述，先将意思表达清楚。 _2、请你在此概括描述的基础上增加细节描述，注意逻辑关系以及语意的合理。1） _2） _3） _参考答案：1.When his mother kissed him on the cheek, the baby was happy/delighted/full of joy.2.1)When his mother kissed him on the cheek, it seemed as if the babywere on top of the world.(非常开心) 2)When the mother kissed the baby on the cheek,his facebeamed and his bright smile lit up the room.(眉开眼笑；笑容照亮房间) 3)When the mother kissed the baby on the cheek,his eyes danced with joy and sweetness.(欢欣雀跃)感到羞愧的细节描述她感到非常羞愧。1、大家可以先尝试用概括描述，先将意思表达清楚。_(答案见底部Key 1)2、请你在此概括描述的基础上增加细节描述，注意逻辑关系以及语意的合理。1）_2）_3）_(答案见底部Key 2)参考答案：Key 1:She felt ashamed.Key 2:1)She felt so ashamedthatshecouldfeelherface burning.(脸上滚烫)2)So ashamed was she that she couldfeelthe blood rush toherface.(血液涌上脸颊)3)So ashamed did she feel that shewas close to tears.(快哭了)“感到生气”的细节描述Sheldon感到非常生气。1、大家可以先尝试用概括描述，先将意思表达清楚。 _2、请你在此概括描述的基础上增加细节描述，注意逻辑关系以及语意的合理。1） _2） _3） _参考答案：Key 1: Sheldon felt very angry.Key 2:1) Sheldon felt so angry that hestormed out of the room, slamming the door furiously behind him.(冲出房间；狠狠摔门)2)Boiling with rage, Sheldonshook his fist at me.(怒火中烧；挥舞拳头)3)Filled with fury, Sheldon wasunable toutter a single word.(充满愤怒；说不出话)“感到绝望”的细节描述Tony感到很绝望。1、大家可以先尝试用概括描述，先将意思表达清楚。 _2、请你在此概括描述的基础上增加细节描述，注意逻辑关系以及语意的合理。1） _2） _3） _参考答案：Key 1: Tony felt hopeless/desperate.Key 2:1)As the result of an accident,Tonywas suddenly thrown intoa world of darkness and sank into hopelessness.(被投入黑暗之中；陷入绝望)2)Tonyfelt left outand was getting desperate with loneliness.(感觉被遗忘、忽视)3) Tonys beliefs in looking forward and seeing the positive in everythingdesertedhim.“人的行走之态”细节描述1、踉踉跄跄 _2、悄悄地走_3、猛冲_(答案见底部)Keys:1.The player lost his balance,staggered backandtoppled over.这个运动员失去了平衡，向后趔趄摔倒了。2.Sheslippedout of bed andtiptoedto the window. 她溜下床，踮起脚尖走向窗户。3.The minionmade a rush for the doorand escaped from the scene. 小黄人向门冲去，逃离了现场。人的说话方式”细节描述说话的方式多种多样，如果都用talk就显得索然无味，也不够准确，所以要多积累各种各样的表达。1、说长道短；八卦 _2、小声咕哝_3、嚎叫_(答案见底部)Keys:1.The whole company isgossiping aboutthe reason for his dismissal.整个公司都在谈论他被免职的原因。2.Hemurmured againstthe strict rules of the reality show.他私下低声抱怨真人秀的严苛规则。3.Treated so unfairly, shehowled in pain and anger.被如此不公正地对待，她痛苦而又愤怒的嚎叫。细节描述之“思考”如何表达一个人暗自思索时的样子对学生来说是很困难的，大多数情况下，学生往往会选择避开，但是，人无时无刻不在思考，强行避开会使得故事内容上有些不衔接。所以，今天我们就一起来学习一下如何表达一个人的思考神态。1.得知问题所在之后，他的大脑开始急速运转，想要想出一个好的解决方案。_2. 独自一人时，他总是会想到那可怕的经历。_3.在他洗澡时，突然想到了一个好主意。_(答案见底部)Keys:1.After he knew what the problem was,his mind began to race, trying to think of a good solution. (大脑飞速运转)2.When left alone, he would alwaysbe haunted bythat horrible experience. (不好的回忆萦绕心头挥之不去)3.When he was taking a shower, a brilliant idea suddenlycrossed his mind. (突然闪过某人的脑海)细节描述之“describe a peaceful scene”今天，我们来看看该如何描述安静祥和的场景。1.享受阳光_2. 山间有小屋和田地_3.入暮时分，芦苇随风飘扬_(答案见底部)Keys:1.When Iwas bathed inthe sunlight, it felt likethe amber-like sunshine was kissing every inch of my skin. (沐浴在阳光下；琥珀色的阳光亲吻着全身的肌肤)2. Mist-covered mountainswere dotted withsmall farms and villages. (点缀着)3.The sound of my footsteps was accompanied only bythe gracefully waving reeds. (优雅地随风飘扬的芦苇)细节描述之“describe stormy weather”今天，我们来看看该如何描述风雨交加的天气。1.乌云密布_2. 劲风恶浪肆虐_3.暴雨疾风_(答案见底部)Keys:1.The sky isovercast,darkened with gloomy clouds.(乌云密布；黑云压顶)2. On that dark and stormy night,the waveswerecrashing and the winds were howling.(海浪肆意拍打；劲风咆哮)3.The raincamepouring down, the streams rose, and the winds blew andbeat againstthe house. (暴风骤雨)读后续写对话中的常见误区1废话连篇，无助推动情节发展，刻画人物性格。“Hey, how are you?” “Im fine, how are you?”“How is the weather?” “Terrific! Nice day for a walk, isnt it?”评析：这样的对话在现实生活中很真实，但是小说毕竟是艺术加工，无助情节推动的，不能刻画人物性格的日常寒暄和偏离文章主线的对话绝对不用。2追求花哨，过度使用对话标签dialogue tags“That is fantastic news,” he said happily.评析：此句中完全没有必要加上一个happily来表达说的方式，因为句中的fantastic一词足以说明说话人了表情，过度强调dialogue tags会让读者的注意力集中在“说话的方式”而不是“说话的内容”。建议改为：“That is fantastic news！” he said/screamed/exclaimed. (一个感叹号和一个fantastic已经足以让读者想象当时的情景。适当的“艺术留白”也是需要的，这样会留给读者想象的空间。还有一种避免过度的dialogue tags的方法是运用“动作描写”来取而代之。如：Her eyes reflected the candlelight as she smiled at her son.“Everyone is unique. Just follow your heart and be yourself!”3用词不当，错误使用对话标签dialogue tagsI cant believe it, Emma gasped.Thats hilarious, Henry chuckled.评析：以上两句话也是我在大量的学生习作甚至是范文中发现的。这里把动作描写和dialogue tags混淆了，试想谁能gasp（喘息）、chuckle（轻笑）出一句话？除非他或她有特异功能。纠正方法如下：I cant believe it, Emmasaid with a gasp.（Question tag+ with介词短语）Emma gasped.I cant believe it.（动作描写+句号）I cant believe it.Emma gasped.（对话句断+动作描写）Thats hilarious!Henrychuckled.（感叹句结束+动作描写）Thats hilarious, Henrysaid, chuckling.（Question tag+分词做伴随状况）请特别关注以上对话的标点。4多此一举，对话对象十分明确，仍使用对话标签“I told you already,” I said, glaring.评析：此句貌似豪华，其实对话中的主语“I”已经清晰地说明了说话者，完全没有必要用question tag“I said”来说明说话对象。纠正方法：加上一点动作描写就可以避免这种错误，并且提升语言的生动性。I glared at him.“I told you already.”5频用副词，词汇贫乏 只会tell 不会show“How can you do this？”she said angrily，looking at me furiously.评析：此句也是貌似“高大上”，使用了大量副词，并且套用了分词做伴随的句型。任何方面都有度，过之而不及。过度堆砌辞藻会让人生厌，过度使用副词也会让阅卷老师觉得你词汇贫乏，非得用副词才能表达出来。2大纠正办法：1）积累相关的show的词汇来避免过度使用副词2）穿插动作描写辅助对话，刻画人物心情试比较以下两句：“Thats not what you said yesterday,”she said, her voice implying she was withdrawing.“Thats not what you said yesterday.”She hesitated, turned and walked to the window.评析：两句话粗看都是相当不错。无论从词汇和语法结构的使用似乎都属于上乘之作。但细细琢磨下面这句反而更高一筹。原因是，第一句用了imply和withdraw 两词来tell说话者she的心情，而第二句hesitate和后面的动作描写让她的犹豫心情跃然纸上。小说故事要的就是这种show的方式。分析对话实例，揭示对话秘诀Example 1原文内容：作者爸爸在阳台种植康乃馨，悉心呵护，作者一家都非常喜欢这些花。爸妈再三强调不允许作者和他姐姐不能触碰这些花。To our surprise, Dad was mad about it, yelling at us, “ Dont you know touching is not allowed? What on earth have you done?”赏析：反义疑问句和on earth 的使用加强了语气，凸显了父亲的生气。Example 2原文内容：母亲去世，哥哥外出。父女相约吃饭， 引发了女儿对母亲和哥哥的思念，父亲读懂了女儿内心的想法，安慰女儿。母亲在天堂一定希望他们过得快乐，现在他们需要做的就是珍惜身边的人。Seeing this, my father lovingly held my handsand said to me, “Sweetheart, I believeyour mothermust want you to live happily, so say goodbye to the past and embrace the present. Your brother and I will always be with you.”赏析：情感类的对话要求感人，触及内心，这点此对话做的不错。但是小编也要对此对话提出点意见1）文中的and said to me 完全没有必要，因为对话对象非常清楚，肯定和我说。2）your mother 显得太疏远，亲人间相互称呼用Mom 即可，更显真实，贴近生活。Example 3原文内容：作者家突然停电，虽然弟弟觉得停电时间非常无聊，但是作者却非常享受停电时间，享受“没有现代电子科技带来的干扰”的宁静片刻。Bzzz! The lights return. “ Yeah, no more candles!” My mother yells, pulling me away from my fantasy.赏析：对话简洁自然，表达了说话者恢复用电时候的兴奋，对话外面的dialogue tag也很出色，分词的使用既丰富了语言也推动了情节的进一步发展。Example 4原文内容：主人公Jenny 通过自身的劳动获得了心爱的项链，形影不离。父亲每日给她讲睡前故事。父亲故意试探女儿，问是否可以把项链给他。Jenny深爱爸爸但不舍自己努力得来的项链。A week later, her father once again asked Jenny after her story. “ Jenny, you love me, dont you? Give me your pearls, okay? “ Daddy, why must you ask for the pearls?” Jenny refused again.“ Not only did I finish all those chores, but also I spent the dollar bill given for my birthday just to pay for it.”They both fell into silence. Then her father smiled，comforting her with a warm hug. “ Thats okey, darling. Good night.”Several days later, when Jennys father came in to read her a story as usual, he was surprised to find something under the story book, which turned out to be the necklace. “ Daddy, now you can have it.” Jenny raised her head, “ You know, I love you.” Her father was moved beyond words. Slowly, he pulled something out of his pocket. It was a pretty necklace with real pearls shining. “The more you are willing to give, the more you are likely to receive. Thats the real meaning of sharing and giving.” Her father helped Jenny put on the necklace . “ You know, I love you, little one.”赏析：此文运用了大量的对话，主要是考虑到与前文的协同。大量的父女间的对话穿插一些旁白或动作描写很好地刻画了人物之间的冲突，细腻生动地刻画了人物心情。一般的读后续写不建议用太多的对话。适当的对话可以打破单调，推动情节，刻画人物性格。对于此文中的对话，小编也想提出点个人的意见：1）“ Not only did I finish all those chores, but also I spent the dollar bill given for my birthday just to pay for it.” 此句似乎为了使用not only, but also 的倒装句型而写对话，显得很不自然。语句太长反而不能表达小女孩当时的生气。建议改为:“ Its mine! My efforts!”反而显得简洁自然，同样达到了效果，符合人在生气时候的说话方式：短句！不完整句！2） 还有一处标点的使用也有误。请看：Jenny raised her head,此处的逗号要改为句号。只能作为动作描写，而不是question tag。Example 5原文内容：这是一个哲理故事，讲述一位商人儿子去向智者寻找快乐秘诀。智者让年轻人带着两汤勺油绕城一周不能将油洒落。智者待年轻人回来后问他是否欣赏到城堡的美景，年轻人哑口无言。然后智者重新让这年轻人带着两勺油绕城一周，结果“ But where are the two drops of oil I gave you?” asked the wise man.Embarrassed again, the young man apologized, “ I had forgotten the sp totally. My only concern was the attractive sights.” “ But you have got the happiness.” Smiled the wise man“ But where are the two drops of oil I gave you?” asked the wise man.He lowered his head and found that there was nothing left in his spoon, astonished and embarrassed. Then the wise man smiled generously,“I dont blame you. I just want you to realize the secret of happiness yourself. Now, could you tell me about your thoughts?” The young man thought for a while and slowly replied, “ the truth of happiness is holding our dreams tightly but never failing to watch the beautiful scenery around us.”赏析：此文的对话主要是用来揭示故事的寓意，通常出现在故事的末尾。这样的对话一定要写出深度厚度，才能博得老师的高分。建议可以使用强调句。此文中也有一个标点瑕疵。请看：Then the wise man smiled generously,此句的逗号也要改为句号，作为动作描写穿插其中，而不是question tag 。他山石可攻玉|这些“恐惧”情绪的表达你都用过吗？ 一篇出自美国初中生的看图说话与2018年6月浙江英语高考“读后续写”酷似！Write a short story based on the pictures below in not less than 100 words.One weekend, my parents decided to bring my brother and I to the recreational jungle. We were very excited as we had not been there before. My brother and I talked about all the bears, tigers and reindeer we were going to see. We really thought that a recreational jungle was like any other jungle.When we arrived, wedashed into the jungle, wanting toexplore its length and breadth. Weobedientlyfollowed our parents at first but found it boring. Just then, a rabbit rushed out. Iscreamedin delightand ran after it. My brotherfollowedquickly behind. We kept running, alwayskeepingour eyes onthe rabbit. The rabbit got tired of running and decided to hide in itsburrow.It was only then that we realized that we did not know where we were. The trees looked unfamiliar and there were no more jungle paths for us to follow. We werescaredas we realized that we were lost.Night was approaching and the hooting of the owlsent shivers down our spines. I began to cry as I was feeling tired, hungry and sleepy. My brother comforted me by letting me sleep on his lap. I soon fell asleep dreaming of bears waiting to eat me up.Suddenly, I woke up. My brother was shaking me and telling them to get up. We could hear voices coming our way! Weshoutedwith all our mightthat we were lost. We soon sawbeams of lightfrom countless torches. Then we heard our parents voices. We were safe! My brother and I ran to our parents andembraced thememotionally. We were so happy to see them again that wevowedwe never wanted to be separated from them ever again.Notes：burrow:a hole in the ground dug by an animal such as a rabbit, especially to live insend shivers down sbs spines:to make someone feel very frightenedvow:to make a determined decisionStudythe following the following examplesand learnhow to show onesfearExample 1 - Fear:Midnight, and someone pounded on the front door. Mom? Dad? Where were they? The movie got out at 11. Molly crawled out of bed and tiptoed downstairs. A shadowy figure showed through the frosted glass in the front door. Fear nibbled at her making her knees wobble.Moms voice echoed inside her head. Remember, dont answer the door when were away. Molly crouched, back pressed against the wall, mouth dry-as-dirt. Please, go away, her words a choked whisper.Key Words-pounded, crawled, tiptoed, shadowy, fear nibbled, wobble, echoed, crouched, pressed, dry-as-dirt, choked.Comments：1）例1中大量运用了短句，戏剧性的短句能够增强紧张感2）这些关键字大部分都是强有力且活跃动词。3）简短的dialogue有效推动了情节发展，营造了栩栩如生的恐惧的场景。Its Your turn:Example 2 - Fear:I can feel the sweat drench my skin, the throbbing of my own eyes, the ringing screams vibrating in my ears, and the thumping of my heart against my chest. My fingers are curled into a fist, nails digging into my palm. I cant hear my rapid breathing, but I can feel the oxygen flooding in and out of my lungs. Hesitantly, my eyes look at the dead corpse before me, the person I killed. Fear tortures my guts, churning my stomach in tense cramps. Fear engulfs my conscience, knocking all other thoughts aside. Fear overwhelms my body, making it drastically exhausted. However, most of all, the fear is making me calm and that is what scares me the most.Key words：_Your treasure:_Example 3 - FearTime passed slowly. Cathy stayed hidden within the darkness, feeling every beat of her heart pounding on the cold stone she lay upon. The wine and ale cellar was as quiet as it was dark, with only one sound to be heard; the sound of her own pulse throbbing in her ears. Suddenly, the serenity of silence surrendered to the deathly scream of hinges, as the door opposite her was slowly pried open. A narrow stream of light gracefully meandered through the room, and a shadow quickly followed.She was scared.Cathy held her breathe, daring not to make a sound. Each second seemed to last an eternity as she lay perfectly still listening to the footsteps of the intruder, which had muted the pounding of her pulse.Key words：_Your treasure:_恐惧来自自身，最大的恐惧其实就是恐惧本身！读后续写微技能|如何让你笔下的对话更加准确传神对话（dialogue）是故事角色在整个故事中对彼此或对自己说的话。它可以用来揭示人物的性格和个性，它也可以用来推动情节向前发展，并展示情节发展的过程。对话是故事中最重要的元素之一。对话的语言要避免冗长的叙述，要避免直接告诉读者而要通过其他手段来展示它们。优秀的对话会让你故事中的人物生动立体，栩栩如生，将推动你的故事进展，使其更有乐趣，而拙劣的对话将破坏一个好的故事。11. 如何准确使用对话中的标点请观察下面的句子。Jack asked, “Do you think it will rain today?”“I have a new umbrella,”explained Emily,“and I am excited to try it out.”“Why dont you check the weather forecast on your phone?”suggested Carly.“It is as simple as the smile on your face,” he said.先看一个如何使用标点的视频英语对话标点使用规则：第一、对话提示词（Dialogue tags）“Jack asked,”/ “explained Emily,”/ “suggested Carly,”的位置可以放在引用的对话前、中、后三个位置。第二、对话中的逗号，永远在引号里面。对话提示词“某某人说”构成了整个句子的框架，它和它引用的部分是一个整体，是完整的一个句子。这就解释了很多老师的疑惑，为啥对话有时候引用的对话说完了，但是后面却用逗号。如：“It was as hard as a rock,” he said.但是：He said，“It was as hard as a rock.”第三、整个对话（引用部分+对话提示词）完整的时候，才能使用句号。对话开始首字母大写。如果对话提示词是插在一个完整对话中间的，后面需要用逗号。且后半句话开头首字母要小写。如：“I have a new umbrella,”explained Emily,“and I am excited to try it out.”Exercise 1：给下面的句子加标点1. Theres a fifty percent chance of rain this afternoon, reported Emily.2. Emily asked, Do you think I should take my new umbrella to school?3. Of course you should take it to school, answered Jack.4. If it starts raining, Carly added, you will be nice and dry.5. Emily squealed(尖叫), I see dark gray storm clouds rolling in.6. Oh no! exclaimed (惊叫)Jack. Carly and I dont have umbrellas.7. Hooray! yelled（喊叫）Emily. Its finally raining.8. Carly mumbled（咕哝地说）, My hair is getting soaked.9. Would you and Jack like to share my umbrella with me? asked Emily.10. Thank you Emily, said Carly. Youre more than just a fair weather friend.2如何让你的对话不平庸对话的关注点就是故事中的角色1）对谁说了什么话2）说话的同时在做什么3）如何说的例1A: Give me the money, Katherine said.B: Give me the money,Katherine said, eyes staring at the money on the table。在高考读后续写的实际操作中，我们更加钟爱B这种句式，既表明了说话对象，又描述了说话的方式，让读者更有画面感。例2Give me that toy gun , Tomsaid angrily.Lucy grinned, hiding it behind her back.这组对话中的said angrily的使用让整个对话表现平庸。改变这种现状的办法有两种I.换直接告诉的词（said angrily）为展示型词汇（如：shouted/ screamed/ barked）请看下面视频II在上下文语境明确的情况下，通过动作和神态描写来代替枯燥乏味的sb. said (对话提示语)。这样处理的好处是：1）增加表现力生动性2）避免打断对话的语流。如：Tom slammed the doll on the ground and glared at Lucy，Give me the toy.Lucy grinned，hiding it behind her back.提示：在读后续写的创作中，尽量少用副词来表述说话人讲话方式（因为你用了副词那就是tell而不是show）,特别是你要主要渲染的场景.让你的对话有趣逼真有画面立体感的是你如何使用show的技能，那就一定要使用一些描绘性的动词。（他们说了什么话，说话时同时在做什么，以及是如何说的）拙劣表达：Im going to the store,Sydneyannounced happily.Wanna go with me?上面这个例子中S