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1You can call me A.J., which is an abbreviation of my full name, Alexander Justice. I like to abbreviate my name because its easier for people to remember. I work for a museum that collects aboriginal artifacts.I would like to tell you why I have an abiding faith in the legal system. The story youre about to read has been abridged to reduce its length.I used to live in an area where criminals abounded and where the legal system seemed powerless. One day, my daughter was abducted. Although I abided by the kidnappers monetary demands, they refused to release her. I had no choice but to put my faith in the legal authorities. The police responded immediately and searched the area. Despited their lack of success, they refused to abandon their search or to call an abort to their mission. They knew that any abortive action would surely result in my daughters death.The investigation eventually led the police to conduct an abrupt search at the home of a local official who was abashed when he learned of the search. My daughter was found in his basement. She had abrasions to her wrists where the abrasive rope had scraped her. The official was arrested along with his bodyguard who abetted him in the kidnapping.The official was forced to abdicate his position and was sent to prision for life. The judge told him that he was lucky that captial punishment had been abolished and that it was only due to this abolition that he would not be executed. The swift apprehension and strict punishment of these criminals helped to abate my lack of faith in the legal system. These days, I truly believe in justice, and its not because of my name!2Love of NumbersAs an academician, I think Mathematics is an intriguing and absorbing science. However, many of my students consider it an abstract science and they hate it because the equations are too difficult to absorb and to remember. I think my students would laugh if they know how I became so interested in Math.When I was a freshman in college, I also believed Math was a mere abstraction. Studying it was like falling into a spinning abyss of numbers and symbols. Just thinking about it seemed like an abuse of my brain. However, my entire tuition was financed by an academic scholarship, so I had to maintain high marks in all of my classes, including Math.My most abstruse class was Advanced Calculus Mathematics. It was taught in a large lecture hall which abutted the North access gate of the University. Unlike the many absentees in my class who often abstained from attending the boring lectures, I dared not absolve myself from this responsibility. Any degree of absenteeism would probably cause me to fail Math and to lose my scholarship. I was so afraid of failing that even pledged abstinence from my abundant supply of alcohol. It wasnt until the fourth week of Math class that I met the wonderful person who would accelerate my intereset and understanding of this absurd subject. She was a foreign exchange student from Beijing. She was also a brilliant mathematician. She would come to class everyday in a colorful silk scarf that accentuated her lovely smile.It was so nice to meet someone from my home country. She inspired me to love Math. Althought we now live and teach in different countries, I still see her smiling face between every number I write!3A Writers MethodFor the last ten years, I have written novels for a living. Though my work, I have been able to accumulate a fair amount of wealth. I have been lucky because many of my books have received acclaim from literary critics. My lastest accomplishment is a mystery novel. It is a fictional account of how a clever and accomplished thief, posing as an accountant, gains access to the computer system of a largebank. Having extensive knowledge of accounting, he and a woman accomplice use the banks computer system to accomplish the biggest theft in history.To be a good writer, I think you must find a quiet enviornment where you can think, preferably one with limited accessibility. Some of my most acclaimed work was written at an isolated island hotel off the coast of China. I highly recommend this place.The island is accessible only by boat and the hotel is accredited by the Asian Resort Association as a five-star accommodation. Upon arrival, the manager will accompany you to your room and show you how everything works. The staff is trained to accommodate your every need. Any errors in service are purely accidental. The security is excellent and theres little chance of being accosted by strangers.Each room has a balcony with a view of the ocean. On the balcony you will find a large leather chair and a sturdy writing desk. The bathroom is very modern and contains many unique accessories. The most useful bathtub accessory is their mini-desk, which allows you to write while soaking in a tub of hot water.To continue being a good writer, you must find a way to relax your mind after a long day of writing. Whats my secret method of relaxation? Playing the accordian!4The AccusedBob is an excellent trial lawyer with a superior legal acumen. Unlike many other lawyers that need to use acronyms to remember certain legal principles, Bob simply uses his photographic memory. What makes Bob even more special is his acute sense for reading peoples emotions, especially those of jurors.Due to his reputation, he is able to acquire the most interesting cases. His jealous competitors often accuse him of being too acquisitive and taking away their business. But I respect Bob for his many achievements. I remember the first trial he ever did.Bob was hired by an acquaintance named Jim was accused of internationally throwing acid on another mans arm in a laboratory where they were both activating chemicals. Jim was adamant that the accusation was false. He claimed it was an accident that occurred during an argument. Being a contract lawyer, Bob was not accustomed to handling trials in front of a jury. However, he agreed to the acquisition of Jims casebecause he strongly believed in Jims innocence. The thought of an innocent man being convicted of a crime he didnt commit actuated Bobs hidden trial skills.At the trial, Bob proved that the other man caused his own injury by pushing Jim while Jim was working with dangerous chemicals. Bob also proved that the mans claim of an acute injury was false. The actual injury was minor. Bob asked the jury to acquit Jim of all criminal charges. Amazingly, Bob achieved and acquittal for Jim.Ill never forget what Bob did for Jim, because I was there. I am Jim. In fact, I still remember the adage Bob used to explain why he took my case for free. He said, “In doing, we learn.”5Adaptation Is the KeyI must admit, I didnt like Tom in the beginning. He lived in the house that was adjacent to mine, and I knew he was addicted to painkillers. He had injured his back while building adobe houses in the countryside for the local government administration. The painkillers numbed his back pain and allowed him to continue performing his heavy construction work. However, it wasnt long before he got caught for failing to adhere to the drug laws.I still recall what the judge told him shortly before he adjourned the court. “Youll either have to adapt to a life without drugs or adjust to living in the prison that adjoins this courthouse.”I was admittedly upset when the judge asked me to help administer Toms probation. I felt that the judge was making me an unwilling and unnecessary adjunct to the court system. But I had no choice. I thought to myself, “Adaptation is the key.” So I changed my attitude towards Tom and I soon learned that Tom was just as adaptable.Tom heeded the judges warning. He quit his construction job and stopped using painkillers. He put all of his time and effort into inventing a new adhesive for constructing brick houses. His dedication was admirable. He became quite adept at chemistry and before long, he discovered a key additive that made his glue superior to all other adhesives.Now, I greatly admire Tom and he has become a good friend. I guess adaptation really is the key!6ChristmasIm a big advocate of Christmas celebrations. Its still my favorite time of year. Although China hasnt adopted this special holiday, theres still hope. With the advent of Chinas membership in the WTO, Chinese people will be exposed to a number of Western holidays. My guess is that they will adore Christmas.My strong affinity for Christmas comes from my childhood days. In my hometown, we would prepare for Christmas by buying a big Christmas tree. If we were feeling a bit more adventurous, we would hike up the mountain and find one on our own. Adorning the tree is the next step. Wed use all kinds of adornment to decorate the tree, from pinecones and candy coated angels to colorful Christmas balls and fake icicles. My dad was especially adroit at making small hand-painted ornaments. Since my dads company was affiliated with a light bulb company, he was also able to bring home the most beautiful and colorful Christmas lights.After decorating the tree, we would make small Gingerbread houses out of bread and candy. These houses were aesthetic but not edible. It was always advisable to keep these appetizing houses out of reach of young children.Theres no adversity on Christmas day. Even the soldiers are adverse to fighting. Everyone is affable. Lovers are especially affectionate and they often show their affection by giving each other romantic gifts. Children usually receive toys as gifts. But my most memorable gift was not a toy. It was an aquarium, complete with an air pump to aerate the water. Raising all those fish was such and adventure for me.What is my favorite holiday? All of these wonderful thoughts lead me to affirm that Christmas is without doubt the best time of year.7Another Day, Another DollarLife as a newspaper reporter can be aggravating. Every morning at 5:00 a.m., theres a staff meeting where the managing editor goes through his agenda for the day. Hes not at all agreeable in the morning. In fact, hes akin to a grouchy bear. Oh does he love to agitate us! I drink coffee to calm my nerves but sometimes it just aggravates my stomach.“Jim, youll be covering the recent acts of aggression in the Middle East. We cant afford to ignore this important development. You need to be airborne and on your way to the Middle East within the hour.”“Jane, come in here, youre late. Dont leave the door ajar, this is a private meeting. I need you to get a copy of that new alien alert from the Immigration Department. The aggregate number of aliens in this country is growing, but it seems to me that such an alert will only serve to alienate our own minority groups.”“Sam, youre the most agile of us all. Use your agility to catch up with the world-class runners who are in town for the marathon. Come on Sam, dont agonize over your assignment, just do it.”“Mary, the children in Central Africa are afflicted with an unknown disease. Its not just an ailment. Its something far more serious. Hey stop looking so aghast, you dont need to go there. Just find out the source of the affliction and write a report on it by this afternoon. By the way, I think you should quit drinking coffee, it does nothing to calm your nerves!”Oh well, I guess I better get going. Can I afford to quit this wonderful job? Not today. 8Funny Thing HappenYesterday, I decided to get my pants altered. I had $200 in my wallet, which was more than enough for the alteration. Foolishy however, I got lost taking an alternate route to the tailor shop. Fortunately, I had aspirin to alleviate my headache.Walking further, I noticed a red balloon aloft, rising to a higher altitude. It distracted me, causing me to bump into two young brothers. They looked alike but seemed opposite in personality. One was clearly aloof but the other appeared to be an altruistic individual. He could sense I was lost and happily gave me directions. Such altruism is so rare these days. What an ally he can be to a lost person! The contrast in their personalities reminded me of the biblicla allegory of Cain and Abel. But it would be too hasty to allege such a contrast given that I didnt really know them.I continued on my way but was allured into a bike shop by a window photo of a lovely girl on a mountain bike. Below the photo, it said, “ride rough, ride real,” a clever alliteration. I felt there was no alternative but to enter the shop.The owner was an alumnus from my university. He alluded that the best bike for me would be the $200 bike that was displayed in the window photo. It was made out of a special lightweight alloy. He also offered to adjust my tire alignment for free.Well, I didnt make it to the tailor that day. But I did ride home on a new bike. As for my pants? Well, the bike shop owner cut the pant legs off for free. Now I have a cool pair of shorts for riding!9The Speech and the VoteGood morning everyone. Id like to make a few remarks. Let me start by saying, I think the merger is a good idea. If we amalgamate our two small businesses, we can create a more powerful one. With our increased size and financial power, we can amass new investors and raise ample funds to renovate the old hotel. We can attract more guests by adding amenities, like a swimming pool, and planting more greenery to create a peaceful ambience. To make it even more special, we can build a special walkway that will allow people to amble amid the trees. The result of our ambitious project will amaze the community. After we finish the renovations, we can take photos and post them on our Internet site. My brother is an amateur photographer and a very amenable individual. Im sure he wont charge us for taking photos, as long as we keep the amount of photos down to a reasonable number. Then before opening the new hotel, well need to hire and train a new staff amicable people. We dont want anyone who is ambivalent towards the concept of “personal service.” Such ambivalence is bad for business. We want people who are hardworking and amiable. Well also need a manager who has enough ambition to keep the hotel running efficiently.Okay. For those of you suffering from temporary amnesia, recall that we must vote to amend the companys by-laws before we can initiate the merger of our two companies. So lets vote. Everyone in favor of the amendment, say “aye!”10A Search Back in TimeI often wondered about my ancestry. I knew that my angular face and large eyes came from my fathers Spanish ancestors. But what did they do for a living?My father, who is very animated, would try to satisfy my curiosity by telling me funny anecdotes about his father and grandfather. His stories were often intriguing, but the information I wanted had to be more than anecdotal. So one day, I went to the library and searched through the annals of Spanish history. I found a good book that thoroughly analyzed the relevant time period and amplified its analysis with charts and illustrations. In it, I discovered several interesting historical figures who shared my surname, Sierra.One was an anarchist. He wrote books in which he expressed his belief that society in the rural areas should be allowed to exist without a government. He believed that the government was purposely creating a fear of anarchy merely to justify its heavy taxes on rural area farmers.Another Sierra was a Doctor of anatomy. He was credited for inventing the first anesthetic. The anesthesia allowed him to operate on his patients without causing pain.The most interesting Sierra was a former high-ranking official who worked in an ancillary department of the central Spanish government. He spent most of his life protesting the Spanish militarys efforts to annihilate and annex smaller and weaker countries overseas. From the governments point of view, his protests were analogous to treason, and they sentenced him to a life of anguish in prison.From this research, I was able to see many analogies between the characteristics of my ancestors and my own personality. It made me feel very proud to be a Sierra!11Time Not LostI first met her at the university 8 years ago. My major was anthropology and hers was history. We fell in love and wed, but three months later, she announced her intention to annul the marriage. She said that I never seemed interested in talking about history and that my apathy annoyed her. She moved away and I never anticipated seeing her again.Then, I ran into her last year while attending an annual convention at the University. She had passed to me an anonymous note that imply said, “look behind you.” I had no idea it would be her.Now, she teachers an American History class at the University. She is truly an anomaly among history professors. She stimulates interest in history by taking her students to historic sites and having them experience antiquity in person. It thrills them to annotate their textbooks with first-hand information. Her anomalous teaching method draws a large number of students. Last month, I joined her class for a trip to a house that antedated the American Civil War. We were fascinated by the antiquated furniture and the post-war antiques. In one room, I found a rusty bronze music box that plays the National anthem. In the bedroom, I found a hand-sewn book containing an anthology of civil war poems. In the bathroom, I discovered a pair of hand-blown glass bottles used for storing antibiotic pills and antiseptic. Perhaps the most interesting piece was an old box-styled camera, one of the first to use and aperture. It still worked.I never realized how interesting History could be. For that, I must thank my former wife, or should I say, my present wife. They are now one and the same!12What Job Do I WantHave you heard of the aphorism, “Procrastination is the thief of time”? I think it applies to me. I need to start thinking about a job for which I have apposite skills. I think it would appease my parents if I do so this summer. Otherwise, Ill have to make an apology to them for borrowing money again.Should I be a chef? It would be fun to appease the appetites of hungry people. But I dont even know how to operate the simple appliances in my kitchen!Maybe I can appraise property for a real estate company. How hard can it be to make an appraisal? But Id have to be a good at observing the appreciable differences between various properties.Perhaps I should be a criminal lawyer. I could use my big sad eyes to appeal to the judge for mercy. However, I dont think my parents would appreciate my choice. Defending murderers and thieves would appall them.What about being a policeman! I could apprehend criminals and put them in prison. I can imagine the warm feeling of appreciation I would get for saving someones life. On second thought, I dont think I can be an applicant for a position that involves guns.I could be a politician. Id have the power to appoint people to positions of importance. But then Id have to make really difficult decisions like how to apportion our limited water supply.What Id really like to be is an NBA basketball player like Michael Jordan. Hes the apotheosis of athletes. Everyone applauds his amazing skills. But I should be more realistic, shouldnt I?I think I better start with a simpler job. This summer, Ill submit an application to McDonalds!13A Tough CaseFor the last 20 years, Ive worked as an arbitrator of disputes involving land. Arbitration is an arduous process that requires patience. Both parties in a dispute are typically ardent about their opinions. Its this state of ardor that makes it difficult to approach a
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