英语写作优化句子的常用方法.ppt

基础写作训练,优化句子的常用方法,一、同位语手段,三、运用并列句,二、运用短语,四、运用复合句,2008年广东高考题,你很荣幸地成为2008北京奥运会的一名志愿者，负责编写奥运比赛项目的英语介绍。【写作内容】请根据以下中文提纲，编写射击项目的英语介绍：背景：射击最初只是生存工具，19世纪末才发展成体育活动。1896：第一次成为奥运项目1904：中断1928：中断,1932：重回奥运会1968：第一次允许妇女参加奥运射击比赛现状：稳步发展，1896年奥运会只有三项射击项目，现今有17项。【写作要求】只能使用5个句子表达全部内容。【评分标准】句子结构准确，信息内容完整，篇章结构连贯。,Shooting,originatedasameansofsurvival,developedintoasportonlyinthelate19thcentury.Thesport,whichfirstappearedin1896,waseversuspendedduringthe1904and1928Games.ItwasonlyfouryearsbeforethesportreturnedtotheOlympic.However,notuntil1968werewomenfirstallowedtocompeteintheOlympicshooting.Withthesportbecomingmoreandmorepopular,ithasgrownsteadilyfromjust3shootingeventsatthe1896OlympicGamesto17today.,广东08高考基础写作范文：,句子表达有何亮点？,一、运用同位语,此方法多用于介绍人物、事物、产品、书名或地点等。【例1】介绍事物：（2008）射击最初只是生存工具，19世纪才发展成为一项体育运动。Shooting,ameansofsurvivaloriginally,developedintoasportonlyinthelate19thcentury.,【例2】介绍人物：（2009）上周我们就中小学生近视问题采访了眼科医生王教授。Lastweek,wehadaninterviewwithProfessorWang,aneye-doctor,concerningtheissueofshort-sightednessoftheschoolchildreninChina.,一、运用同位语,【例3】介绍书名：（2011）书名：BattleHymnoftheTigerMother作者：AmyChua，美籍华人，耶鲁大学教授中文版：2011年初开始在中国销售Abook,BattleHymnoftheTigerMother,writtenbyAmyChua,anAmerican-Chinese,hasbeensoldinChinasincethebeginningof2011.,1.GuangzhouisthecapitalofGuangdongProvince.ItislocatedinthemiddleofGuangdongProvince.ItisthecultureandeconomycenterofGuangdongProvince.Guangzhou,thecapitalandthecultureandeconomycenterofGuangdongProvince,islocatedinthemiddleofGuangdong.,运用同位语合并句子,2.ZhangHaiismale.Heis23yearsold.HegraduatedfromHunanNormalUniversitylastyear.ZhangHai,male,23yearsold,graduatedfromHunanNormalUniversitylastyear.,运用同位语合并句子,1.去年，我被邀请参加一个为“待援助的孩子”（TuesdayChild）举办的一个狂欢节（carnival），“待援助的孩子”是一个帮助艾滋患儿的组织。Lastyear,IwasinvitedtoparticipateinacarnivalforTuesdayChild,_.,运用同位语完成句子,anorganizationthathelpschildrenwithAIDS,2.离2010年还有一个月时间，但孤星指南（theLonelyPlanet）等不及宣布来年十大旅游城市排行榜，孤星指南是世界最畅销旅游指南杂志之一。Thereisstillmorethanonemonthtogobefore2012.ButtheLonelyPlanet,_,cantwaittoannounceitstop10citiestotraveltointhecomingyear.,运用同位语完成句子,oneoftheworldsbest-sellingtravelguides,1.李敏是个女孩子，今年18岁，她在光华中学学习，她是我的邻居也是我最好的朋友。LiMin,agirlof18,myneighbourandmybestfriend,isstudyinginGuanghuaMiddleSchool.,运用同位语翻译合并句子,2.姓名：SteveJobs别名：苹果教父（godfather）出生地：美国加州三藩市出生日期：1955年2月24日逝世日期：2011年10月5日SteveJobs,thegodfatherofApple,wasborninSanFrancisco,California,theUSAonFebruary24th,1955andpassedawayonOctober5th,2011.,运用同位语翻译合并句子,介词短语非谓语动词短语：现在分词过去分词不定式短语,二、运用短语,介词短语常作状语。【例4】我很惊讶，一切进展得那么顺利。【一般】Iwassurprise.Everythingwentonverywell.【高级】Tomysurprise,everythingwentonwell.,介词短语常作定语。【例5】Wastewaterismakingtheriverworseandworse.Thewastewaterisfromafactory.Thefactoryliesontheriver.【高级】Wastewaterfromthefactoryontheriverismakingtheriverworseandworse.,1.XiaxiTownisnotbigbutbeautiful.Ithasanareaofabout8squarekilometers.XiaxiTown,withanareaofabout8squarekilometers,isnotbigbutbeautiful.2.Thereisanoldtower.Thetowerliesintheeastofthetown.Thereisariverbehindthetower.Intheeastofthetownliesanoldtower,behindwhichthereisariver.,运用介词短语合并句子,3.Westartedearly.Wewantedtoenjoythesunriseonthetopofthetower.Westartedearly(inorder/soas/inaneffort)toenjoy/withthepurpose(goal)ofenjoyingthesunriseonthetopofthetower.4.Assoonaswegotthere,webegantotakephotos.Onarrivingthere,webegantotakephotos.,5.Aprofessorgaveusatalkthismorning.HecamefromBeijingUniversity.HetalkedabouthowtolearnEnglishwell.AprofessorfromBeijingUniversitygaveusatalkabout/onhowtolearnEnglishwellthismorning.6.HetoldusofhisowninterestingexperiencesoflearningEnglish.Welaughedalot.OnhearinghisowninterestingexperiencesoflearningEnglish,welaughedalot.,7.Histalklastedanhour.Heaskedussomequestions.Duringtheone-hourtalk,heaskedussomequestions.,使用时请注意以下几点：不定式的动作发生在谓语动词之后（一般情况下，尽量用不定式的主动式）；现在分词表主动，该动作与谓语动词的动作同时发生或紧接着发生；过去分词表被动，或表示该动词的动作在谓语动词动作之前发生，或者没有时间性；现在分词的被动式表被动，与谓语动词的动作同时发生。,二、运用非谓语动词短语,【例6】故事是用简单的英语写的，很受英语初学者的欢迎。【一般】ThestoriesarewritteninsimpleEnglish.TheyarepopularwithEnglishbeginners.【高级】WritteninsimpleEnglish,thestoriesarepopularwithEnglishbeginners.,二、运用非谓语动词短语,1.Heisill.Hedidntgotoschool.Beingill,hedidntgotoschool.2.ImwritingtoinviteyoutobeajudgeatourEnglishspeechcontest.ItwillbeheldonJune5.ImwritingtoinviteyoutobeajudgeatourEnglishspeechcontesttobeheldonJune5.,运用非谓语动词短语合并句子,3.Aftershelistenedtomeforawhile,shegavemeabigsmileandsaidshelikedmyvoiceverymuch.Afterlisteningtomeforawhile,shegavemeabigsmileandsaidshelikedmyvoiceverymuch.4.Idontknowhisname.IcallhimGoodMan.Notknowinghisname,IcallhimGoodMan.,5.Themanissingingasong.Heismybrother.Themansingingasongismybrother.6.SuddenlyIsawanant.Shewastryinghardtomoveanotherantwhowasdead.SuddenlyIsawananttryinghardtomoveanotherantwhowasdead.,常用的并列连词有and,but,or,otherwise,nor,so,yet,however,for,aswellas,bothand,notonlybutalso,eitheror,neithernor,andthen,since等。,三、运用并列句,【例7】他不喜欢音乐，也不喜欢运动。【一般】Hedoesntlikemusic.Hedoesntlikesports,either.【高级】Helikesneithermusicnorsports.,三、运用并列句,【例8】我不喜欢他，他很自私。【一般】Idontlikehim.Heisselfish.【高级】Idontlikehim,forheisselfish.,三、运用并列句,1.Heworkshardhimself.Heencouragesustoworkhard,too.Henotonlyworkshardhimself,butalsoencouragesustoworkhard.2.Theseglassesareveryexpensive.Pleasebecarefulwiththem.Pleasebecarefulwiththeseglasses,fortheyareveryexpensive.,运用并列连词合并句子,3.HalfofthegirlschoosefilmandTVstarsastheiridols.48%oftheboysfavoursportsstars.HalfofthegirlschoosefilmandTVstarsastheiridolswhile48%oftheboysfavoursportsstars.4.Iamgoodatexpressingmyself.Ihavethelanguageadvantageoverothers.NotonlyamIgoodatexpressingmyself,butIalsohavethelanguageadvantageoverothers.,5.Accordingtotheprofessor,thecauseofshort-sightednessisverycomplicated.Nomedicinecancureit.Accordingtotheprofessor,thecauseofshort-sightednessisverycomplicatedsonomedicinecancureit.,6.Thegovernmentshouldbeawareoftheimportanceofprovidingeducationforallthechildren.Theaveragepeopleshouldbeawareoftheimportance,too.Thegovernment,aswellastheaveragepeople/Boththegovernmentandtheaveragepeopleshouldbeawareoftheimportanceofprovidingeducationforallthechildren.,最常用的是状语从句、主语从句、宾语从句、表语从句和定语从句。【例9】废水被直接排放到河里，河水被严重污染。【一般】Wastewaterisdirectlyletintotheriver.Theriverisseriouslypolluted.【高级】Theriverisseriouslypollutedbecausewastewaterisdirectlyletintoit.,四、运用复合句,【例10】他病得很重，这让我着急。【一般】Hewasseriouslyill.Itmademeworried.【高级】Hewasseriouslyill,whichmademeworried.,四、运用复合句,1.Heneverlostagame.Iwasreallyastonished.Iwasreallyastonishedthatheneverlostagame.2.LiHuaismyclassmate.HisEnglishisverygood.LiHuaismyclassmate,whoseEnglishisverygood.,运用复合句合并句子,3.Asformyself,ThomasEdisonismyidol.Hisinventionshavegreatlychangedourlife.Asformyself,ThomasEdisonismyidolbecausehisinventionshavegreatlychangedourlife.Asformyself,ThomasEdison,whoseinventionshavegreatlychangedourlife,ismyidol.,4.CurrentlyChinahasabout350millionsmokers.Amongthesesmokers75%aremenand25%arewomen.CurrentlyChinahasabout350millionsmokers,amongwhom75%aremenand25%arewomen.,5.Wearenowlivinginaninformationage.TV,cellsandtheWebarewidelyusedinthisage.Wearenowlivinginaninformationage,inwhichTV,cellsandtheWebarewidelyused.,6.Thegovernmentwouldorganizemorethan1,100engineersandworkersfromacrossthecountrytodigwellsinthecountryssouthwest.Itisreported.Itisreportedthatthegovernmentwouldorganizemorethan1,100engineersandworkersfromacrossthecountrytodigwellsinthecountryssouthwest.Asisreported,thegovernmentwouldorganizemorethan1,100engineersandworkersfromacrossthecountrytodigwellsinthecountryssouthwest.,需要注意的是，我们在写作时，要注意不要一味地追求复杂的句型，能简则简，能用短语，就不要用从句。在句式多样的前提下，尽量做到精炼。【例11】我正在餐桌旁吃饭，一个人朝我走了过来，那个人戴着一顶黑帽子。【复杂】Iwasattablewhenamanwhowaswearingablackhatcameuptome.【简明】WhenIwasattable,amanwearingablackhatcameuptome.,写作中复合句常见的错误,1.只有从句，没有主句,Thekeeperwhohadlivedinthelighttowerforalongtime,sohecouldkeepcalminthestorm.,2.以逗号代替句号,把两个简单句当成一个句子,Theoldmanthoughtofhisson,tearscamedownfromhisface.,Thehallisdifferentfromallotherbuildings,itismadeofglass.,3.刻意使用从句，表达不自然,ThereareoverfiftystudentsinthisschoolwhoaregoingtotakepartinthesportsmeetnextSunday.,OverfiftystudentsinthisschoolaregoingtotakepartinthesportsmeetnextSunday.,4.过多地使用并列句组合信息,Weweredrivingoutintothecountry,andwesawourEnglishteacherridinginabus,andthebuswascrowded.,Itisabeautifulday,andthesunisshiningandabreezeisblowing.,Itisabeautifuldaywiththesunshiningandabreezeblowing.,Asweweredrivingoutintothecountry,wesawourEnglishteacherridinginacrowdedbus.,Kateisanewstudent.Shecomesfromanorthernprovince.Shespeaksadialect.Wefindithardtounderstandherdialect.,Kate,anewstudentfromanorthernprovince,speaksadialectwhichwefindithardtounderstand.,用一句话表达,不是人人都能学好英语，小学生同时学汉语和英语反而会影响汉语学习。,第一步：拆分成几个简单句,不是人人都能学好英语。小学生同时学汉语和英语。这会影响汉语学习。,第二步：分别翻译这几个简单句,NoteveryoneisgoodatlearningEnglish.,ThiswillaffecttheirChinesestudy.,ChildrenfromprimaryschoollearnEnglishandChineseatthesametime.,NoteveryoneisgoodatlearningEnglish.,ChildrenfromprimaryschoolstarttolearnEnglishandChineseatthesametime.,ThiswillaffecttheirChinesestudy.,第三步：合并句子,ThatchildrenfromprimaryschoolstarttolearnEnglishandChineseatthesametimewillaffecttheirChinesestudy,becausenoteveryoneisgoodatlearningEnglish.,NoteveryoneisgoodatlearningEnglish.,ChildrenfromprimaryschoolstarttolearnEnglishandChineseatthesametime.,ThiswillaffecttheirChinesestudy.,第三步：合并句子,IfchildrenfromprimaryschoolstarttolearnEnglishandChineseatthesametime,thiswillaffecttheirChinesestudy,方法2：,becausenoteveryoneisgoodatlearningEnglish.,你来试试,参考词汇：错别字:wrongly-writtencharacters网络语言：weblanguage,要求：1.用两句话表达表格内容2.两句话要有连贯性,第一句（两个信息点）：1.学生作文中出现很多错别字2.（他们）上网聊天时经常使用网络语言。,Therearemanywrongly-writtencharactersinstudentscompositions.,Thereasonwhytherearemanywrongly-writtencharactersinstudentscompositionsisthattheyoftenuseweblanguageswhenchattingonline.,合并句子：,Theyoftenuseweblanguageswhenchattingonline.,1.Theyhavesomuchhomeworktodoeverydaythattheyfailtomemorizethenewcharacters.,第二句:1.每天有很多作业做2.没有记住生字。,Theyhavemuchhomeworktodoeveryday.,2.Withsomuchhomeworktodoeveryday,theyfailtomemorizethenewcharacters.,3.Becausetheyhavesomuchhomeworktodo,theyfailtomemorizethenewcharacters.,合并句子：,Theyfailtomemorizethenewcharacters.,连接两句话：Thereasonwhytherearemanywrongly-writtencharactersinstudentscompositionsisthattheyoftenuseweblanguageswhenchattingonline.Moreover,theyhavesomuchhomeworktodoeverydaythattheyfailtomemorizethenewcharacters.,昨天，我们在班里进行了一场讨论。我们讨论是否应该帮助那些困境中的人。我的一些同学说应该。他们认为帮助他人是我们中华民族的传统美德。一些人认为帮助他人不是个好主意。现在的人忘恩负义。我们可能受到我们想帮助的人的伤害。依我之见，我们应伸出援助之手给那些需要帮助的人。人人能互相关心。这个世界会更美好。,翻译合并将下列句子译成英文，然后运用本课件的方法，并使用适当的关联词将它们组成一篇五句话的短文。,昨天，我们在班里进行了一场讨论。Yesterdaywehadadiscussioninourclass.我们讨论是否应该帮助那些困境中的人。Wediscussedwhetherweshouldhelpthoseintrouble.我的一些同学说应该。Someofmyclassmatessaidweshould.,他们认为帮助他人是我们中华民族的传统美德。TheythinkhelpingothersisagoodtraditionalvirtueofusChinesepeople.一些人认为帮助他人不是个好主意。Othersdidntthinkitisagoodideatohelpotherpeople.现在的人忘恩负义。Peoplenowadaysareungrateful.,我们可能受到我们想帮助的人的伤害。Wemaybehurtbythosewhowearetryingtohelp.依我之见，我们应伸出援助之手给那些需要帮助的人。Inmyview,weshouldgiveahandtothepeopleinneedofhelp.人人能互相关心。Everyonecancareforeachother.这个世界会更美好。Theworldwillbecomemorebeautiful.,Yesterdaywehadadiscussionon/aboutwhetherweshouldhelpthoseintroubleinourclass.SomeofmyclassmatessaidweshouldbecausetheythinkhelpingothersisagoodtraditionalvirtueofusChinesepeoplewhileothersdidntthinkitisagoodideatohelpotherpeopleaspeoplenowadaysareungrateful.Theysaidthatwemaybehurtbythosewhowearetryingtohelp.Inmyview,weshouldgiveahandtothepeopleinneedofhelp.Ifeveryonecancareforeachother,theworldwillbecomemorebeautiful.,一个乞丐在路边讨钱(askformoney)。李先生匆忙赶路上班，没有注意到那个乞丐。乞丐很生气，伸出(stickout)拐杖，差点把李先生绊倒了(tripover)。李先生意识到他是个残疾人，便在口袋里找钱给他。李先生拿出了一张百元钞票(a100-yuannote)。突然一阵风把钞票吹到了空中。乞丐迅速跳起来去追那张钞票。李先生站在那里，惊得合不拢嘴。,实战演练：以下是你根据图画内容和题目要求，经过观察、整理排列成的五个信息块，请分别用一个句子表达出来，并组成一篇连贯性的短文。,Abeggar,Exchangeanddiscussyourpartnerscomposition,thengiveeachotherascoreaccordingtothefollowingcriteria.,Pairwork,AbeggarOneday,whenMr.Lihurriedonhiswaytowork,abeggarontheroadsidewasaskingformoney,butMr.Lipaidnoattentiononhim.Asaresult,thebeggargotangryandstuckouthiswalkingstick,whichalmosttrippedMr.Liover.Realizingthebeggarwasadisabledperson,Mr.Libegantosearchforsomemoneyinhispockettogivehim.Hetookouta100-yuannote,whichwassuddenlyblownintotheairbythewind.Seeingthis,thebeggarjumpedquicklytorunafterthenote,whichmadeMr.Lisosurprisedthathestoodtherewithhismouthopen.,